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to be panicking about my 3yr dd starting pre-school on Monday

(46 Posts)
elmofan Thu 13-Aug-09 10:21:17

my 3yr dd is starting playschool on monday , she is extremely clingy & has NEVER been away from me before , she has eczema & has a bad flare up atm , she is shy & does not like change in her routine . we have spoken to her about playschool & she seems to be looking forward to it wheras i am dreading her going . AIBU

KIMItheThreadSlayer Thu 13-Aug-09 10:27:34

We all feel like this, it will be ok really it will. Relax and look forward to a new chapter

elmofan Thu 13-Aug-09 10:36:32

thanks , its silly really but when i had my ds , he's 10 now i don't remember feeling this nervous , i have taken her to meet her playschool teacher 3 times & she's lovely & i have explained about dd's skin etc ,
dh thinks it will be good for her as it will prepare her for school next year .

bubblagirl Thu 13-Aug-09 10:38:42

they make you feel so guilty you leave them crying and pick them up crying you feel terrible yet they have spent rest of time laughing lol just make you feel bad on arrival

just be calm big kiss have good day and leg it out the door if they see you upset they get upset my ds took 2 weeks of 2 days a week to be fully settled some take alot longer but although you leave them crying and pick them up crying they haven't been crying the whole time they have had great time

londonartemis Thu 13-Aug-09 10:41:38

If she's looking forward to it, then why worry, especially if she's met the teacher already? These places are great fun for children, and they are looked after very gently by highly experienced people who care about children. They set out toys and interesting things for the children to have a go at, so the child's attention is on what to play with, rather than who is 'taking over' from their mum. It sounds as if you've done what you can to smooth out any potential problems!

suiledonn Thu 13-Aug-09 10:48:35

elmofan We are in the same boat. DD1 starting pre-school on the 1st of September. She also has eczema and I am a SAHM so she has never spent much time away from me except for a hour with my MIL every now and then. She is not keen on the idea at all.
I am trying not to stress about it as I know she picks up on it.
I am going to go shopping on Saturday with her to get her a school bag, luch box and bottle etc.
What I dreading the most is trying to get her dressed that morning. Her eczema was bad all summer and she is in the habit of wearing just a long t-shirt and her underwear around the house as clothes irritate her. She does not like the uniform sweater she is supposed to wear.

elmofan Thu 13-Aug-09 11:13:56

lol bubblagirl " leg it out the door" i have a nasty feeling dh will have to drag me away, i feel like crying now & that's just from the thoughts of leaving her , dh has taken the day off work so we can take her & ds out for a treat after her first day ,
suiledonn - ha my dd is exactly the same she loves to run around n a t-shirt to keep her skin cool , & i am a SAHM too, we went shopping yesterday & dd picked out a peppa pig bag & lunchbox & beaker & even a peppa pig umbrella (peppa mad) so she is all set .
londonartemis - I'm sure her teacher thinks i am going to be a pain in the butt(probably rightly so) blush but she invited me down with dd to try get her used to the idea , yeah i know your right & hopefully dd wont even notice me slipping out the door .

elmofan Thu 13-Aug-09 11:29:58

suiledonn , is there anyway you could talk to your dd teacher about the sweater ? a uniform for preschoolers is madness imo ,
cant imagine how you will be able to keep it clean all week , & if its woolen then maybe it irritates her skin , if she HAS to wear it then maybe put it on her a few time now to try get her used to it .

suiledonn Thu 13-Aug-09 11:41:55

lol at the Peppa shopping - we have it all here too. My dd loves Peppa. She has her heart set on the new Peppa castle for Christmas already and it is only August!
That just reminded me - there are some episodes of Peppa at school. Must have a look for them on the SkyPlus and show them a few times in the next few days.

Uniform is just a sweatshirt - mostly to keep their own clothes clean I think. I'm going to mention it to the teacher and see what she says. Just a bit worried that dd will start to undress if her skin starts to feel hot and uncomfortable.

Its only 3 hours, 3 mornings a week for now so hopefully it will be ok.

Best of luck to you and your dd elmo.

elmofan Thu 13-Aug-09 12:05:50

same here my dd is going 3 mornings a week , & her playschool is at the end of my road which is very handy , yes i think you should talk to her teacher about her eczema & maybe talk to your lo about keeping her clothes on while in playschool (easier said than done , i know ) & when she gets home she can relax in a t-shirt again , & if the worst happens & she strips off who knows she might start a new trend grin
best of luck

Callisto Thu 13-Aug-09 12:14:37

Why does she need to go to pre-school? Why not just carry on as you have been?

elmofan Thu 13-Aug-09 12:33:44

hi callisto , i suppose i got talked into sending her really , her grandparents & aunts all said i needed to send her because of her clinginess with me , 1 friend actually told me " i was NOT doing my dd any favours having her so dependant on me " which made me feel terrible . the embarrassing thing is i am a qualified Montessori teacher myself but gave that all up to be a SAHM 14 yrs ago, dd is very clever but wont let me out of her sight , and
dh thinks that if i don't send her to playschool now then we are facing bigger problems next year when she will be starting big school .

Callisto Fri 14-Aug-09 08:56:04

Sorry Elmofan - I've only just seen your reply. In my opinion, forcing a shy/timid chilc into a situation they will feel uncomfortable in before they are ready will not make them more confident (or less clingy - how I hate that word). I too have a very dependant dd who is now 4 (and due to start school in Sept but that's a whole other thread). She has always been a cling-on ever since she was tiny, and has always needed me and no other. We have a very strong bond and I have never done anything to try to weaken this. She has never been to nursery or pre-school and if I had my way wouldn't be starting school in Sept. However, I have found that she is beginning to show much more confidence lately, she is much happier to do things on her own or with other children. She is also very bright (a teacher told me she was probably 1-2 years ahead of her age because of her drawing skills) and the most articulate 4 year old I know with the widest vocabulary. I put all of this down to her spending lots of time with me and being allowed to do her own thing at her own pace.

I think that if you are not happy about your dd going to pre-school then you should stick to your guns. Children are forced into school far too early in the UK and pre-school is wholly unnecessary unless you need the childcare. As a Montessori teacher you are definitely the best qualified person to teach her, probably until she is much older. Why not check out the home ed threads in education? Good luck.

woozlet Fri 14-Aug-09 09:13:38

yanbu to feel like that, but I disagree with callisto - I think it's good for children to socialise with other littlies at playschool. I was a very shy child and can still remember just standing watching at my 1st day of playschool, but I soon got into it and loved it, it is good prep for school imo.

woodlands35 Fri 14-Aug-09 14:10:04

hi callisto , yep i know what you mean & its sad that children are expected to start school at 4 or 5 yrs but i do feel that where my DD is concerned it will do her good to be around other children & also teach her that its ok to be away from mummy for a couple of hours , as she frets if i even go to our local shop for milk without her , dh says she sits in the window waiting for me in tears if i am delayed ,
woozlet yes the whole reason i am sending her is to socialise her , hopefully like yourself she will love it smile
she seems to be very excited about going but i just hope she is not overwhelmed when she gets there as if she gets upset I'm not sure ill have the willpower to leave her there .

woodlands35 Fri 14-Aug-09 14:11:32

sorry i have name changed & forgot to change back [blush ]

BetsyBoop Fri 14-Aug-09 14:30:28

I felt like that when DD started preschool, it's totally normal.

There will be tears on both sides, totally normal.

Your DD will probably be a bit clingy too- totally normal.

My DD also has ezcema & preschool were really good at applying creams etc when needed

I wanted DD in preschool for similar reasons, DH works away a lot & we have no family close, so it is normally just me looking after DD all the time, so I wanted her to get used to the fact that it was okay for me not to be there for a couple of hours.

DD took about a month to settle in properly & we did shorter sessions at first until she got use to it - totally normal.

It is scary when your "baby" makes this step, it will take you both a few weeks to get used to it, but you will both be fine

Please don't do what I did & stand in the corridor outside preschool & listen if I could hear her crying blush - the staff aren't fibbing when the say they stop crying within a couple of minutes of you going wink

elmofan Fri 14-Aug-09 14:43:53

hi betsyboop lol at standing in corridor as that's exactly what i imagine myself to be like , i have asked her teacher to phone me if she is itchy as i only live at the end of the road from the playschool & i could be there in two minutes to put her creams on , its lovely that your lo teachers put her creams on her for you ,
i remember when i had my own class of toddlers there was a 3yr old boy who used to give his mother hell , he would pinch himself to make himself cry when it was time to put coats on & prepare to go home so every time his mum picked him up she was convinced he had been crying the whole time until 1 day i asked her to wait outside the door & i opened the window so she could hear him playing happily , im just very worried that my DD will all of a sudden feel i have abandoned her .

BetsyBoop Fri 14-Aug-09 18:38:21

"im just very worried that my DD will all of a sudden feel i have abandoned her"

That's what I was concerned about too, particularly as DS had arrived on the scene only 2 months earlier. I'm convinced the shorter sessions to start with really helped to settle her more quickly. She only stayed an hour the first week & we built it up to full sessions (2 3/4hrs twice a week for us) over a month.

After about 2 months we were at the "bye mummy..." and runs off to play without a backwards glance, which is nice

I grew up in a very rural area with no other kids close by & spent virtually all my time with Mum until I started school at nearly five. I'm still painfully shy & think that these circumstances are at least slightly to "blame" & I want things to be different for my DC. It is lovely for me to see DD developing social confidence/skills already

elmofan Fri 14-Aug-09 18:50:53

ah it sounds like your dd loves her playschool , my dd playschool is having a "starters week " next week then she closes for a week & reopens 2nd sept , the idea of the starters week is to settle in the new comers . i think my heart will be in my throat leaving her but I'm hoping it will do her the world of good as she loves it when i take her to the playground & she plays with other children ,
did your dd eczema become worse during the settling in period ? as i have noticed with my dd when she gets upset her skin flares up.

2kidzandi Fri 14-Aug-09 18:57:29

It's strange that a child being 'clingy' is often perceived as being synonomous with social impairment. (not by you OP, just generally these days) I wonder when did it become the norm for us parents to feel guilty if our DC isn't running off without a backwards glance to nursery/school? It is strange.

elmofan Fri 14-Aug-09 19:10:15

hi 2kidzandi , honestly you should hear my family & some of my friends , its funny they never commented when my ds was that age but then again my ds would have walked off with total strangers & never look back , he was very confident & had no sense of danger & took to playschool like a fish to water , whereas my dd is the opposite , she is shy & very attached to me & follows me around the house all day , even when i use the loo she waits outside the door ,

BetsyBoop Fri 14-Aug-09 20:07:27

"clingy" and social impairment is not the same & I wasn't suggesting they were.

DD is still what some would call "clingy", often only Mum will do and we have an incredibly close bond which I love, & long may it last, hopefully a lifetime like mine with my Mum. DS is happy with either Mum or Dad, for DD it has to be Mum, they are all different.

However as one who was always "stood outside the circle" at school, partly down to shyness & partly down to living so remotely that I never saw anyone outside school (no car, one bus a day...) and I still remember how that felt (and still feels to some extent), then I want to ensure my DC are more socially confident than I was as a child (and am now TBH blush).

It was lovely to see that she developed the trust/confidence to know it's okay to enjoy playing with her friends for a couple of hours without Mum and I WILL come back & get her at the alloted time - that is what I meant by the "without so much as a backward glance" comment. It's also lovely that she comes running out at the end, clearly delighted to see me and excitedly tells me what she's been up to on the walk home.

BetsyBoop Fri 14-Aug-09 20:08:49

"even when i use the loo she waits outside the door"
You're lucky elmo, DD TAKES me to the loo by the hand & stands right next to me grin No privacy in our house.....

elmofan Fri 14-Aug-09 21:14:49

lol betsyboop , stands next to you on the loo , lol dd used to do that with me so i have made some progress there , now she says she wants privacy when she is using the loo & asks me to wait outside ,
i must admit i love the special bond i have with her , & some times i think dh feels left out as he has often commented that dd would not notice if he was not around sad i also am not very confident & i got bullied constantly from a very young age because i had eczema , so i can fully understand your reasons for socialising your dc's & think you have a lot to be proud of smile

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