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to send back any present MIL may send for DSs birthday?

(20 Posts)
LadyOfWaffle Wed 12-Aug-09 09:58:20

DS is one in just over a week. DS is 3 and she has never come to any of his birthdays - despite DH offering to fetch her, and on his 3rd suggesting 3 different days (in the end she admitted her boyfriend was coming for the weekend - he comes most weekends and alot of weekdays so nothing special, she couldn't even spare a few hours out of a whole weekend). She has never been here, depsite having been to try the supermarket just down the road! Dh has invited her around and she just doesn't bother. BIL also says she never visits them (5 minute walk from her) but she does, though not very often, and takes the grandchildren every so often - I have never been offered help but I wouldn't take it anyway as I found out social services took DHs brother away. All this has fueled me to stop being so tolerant - AIBU to send anything she sends right back with a note saying she can come in person to give it to her grandchild? She is quite able to use public transport - she goes up to London and back a few times a week, and to Brighton etc - we are about 2 buses away, so don't be imagining a frail old dear rocking in her chair!

Prosecco Wed 12-Aug-09 10:02:45

Don't send it back. I can see why you are angry but she has still made the effort of sending a gift. It is for your ds, you can't really attach any conditions to it . When he is old enough, your ds may realise for himself what little effort she makes.

Do you go to see her? Maybe if you let that slide she would be more willing to push herself to come to see you.

Tortington Wed 12-Aug-09 10:02:51

yeah just keep it - and move on ignore her and forget her, dont invite her round, dont phone her, dont contact her

pleasechange Wed 12-Aug-09 10:07:04

I wouldn't return it, no. If he likes it, keep it, if not, just give it away or something. Does she usually send gifts?

Greensleeves Wed 12-Aug-09 10:07:33

agree with custy

LadyOfWaffle Wed 12-Aug-09 10:07:49

I suppose that is being unfair to DS... I see your point We see her quite alot, not as much now I guess as every time we go she is going out and for these reasons - DH didn't call her for ages (a few months) and nothing changed, then he needed to ask her something so kinda ruined it hmmgrin Not into playing games but you kinda get to a point when you get so pissed off you get abit irrational

giveloveachance Wed 12-Aug-09 10:08:17

I would keep the present but don't put yourself out trying to build a relationship with her that she clearly doesn't want. You will only make yourself feel let down and maybe resentful.

Life is too short to worry about people who we think should be nice and interested in us and our families - concentrate instead on the friends and family who do want a relationship with you.

2rebecca Wed 12-Aug-09 10:08:52

No, the present isn't for you it's for your son. Just pretend she lives further away and accept she's not a doting granny. How would depriving your son of a present and snubbing her help anything?

LadyOfWaffle Wed 12-Aug-09 10:09:47

As far as I can remember (bad memory) I think for DSs 3rd we were there about a week before and she gave it to us, saying she was just about to send it.

LadyOfWaffle Wed 12-Aug-09 10:12:13

Good job I have MN, I would have been verging on toddler tantrum blush I know I should rise above it all

Firawla Wed 12-Aug-09 11:36:48

nooo keep it. it would be unreasonable, it's not even yours to give away
just take it and if she acts like that and won't visit or anything then you dont need to bother to call and say thank you or anything, if you don't want to. just keep it and ignore

overweightnoverdrawn Wed 12-Aug-09 12:51:39

Trying not to sound bitter but I would love to send a present back .Unfortunately I have a father who dosnt send even a token present sends the card though . But my stepmum who lives in the same house sends her grandchildren cards and presents . And on an even more bitter note the pair of them name their bloody villa after said golden grandchild . Now that really does piss me off . And yes my son has noticed the difference. backs out of thread and breathes deeply .

MoominMymbleandMy Wed 12-Aug-09 12:56:21

Keep the present but forget the woman - she sounds useless.

Overweight, what a pair of prats, shame we can't choose our families.

overweightnoverdrawn Wed 12-Aug-09 13:28:39

Ah but my ds has great parents .lol

Roomfor2 Wed 12-Aug-09 13:37:08

Rise above it. Treat her the way you wish she treated you. Take the higher road and any other cliche you want to throw in!

You will feel better by being the bigger people and your kids will be set a good example. Then she might see that she is being the unreasonable one, while your behaviour is excellent.

I would keep the present, send a thank-you note with a lovely picture of just what she missed (maybe with any other GPs in there if you can so she see's she was the odd one out!) and leave it at that.

You can't change people like that, you can only change the way you react to them and the amount that you let them upset you.

anniemac Wed 12-Aug-09 13:43:47

Message withdrawn

ssd Wed 12-Aug-09 14:02:14

overweight, thats really shite

mumeeee Wed 12-Aug-09 23:19:40

No. Don't send it back.

MummyDragon Thu 13-Aug-09 20:44:19

Keep the present, send a note saying thank you, and smile smugly in the knowledge that you've got the moral high ground smile

Hope your DS has a lovely 1st birthday!

malung Thu 13-Aug-09 21:43:06

Do what I do with most of MIL's presents
I find them insulting - lime green nylon babygrows, vile cheap plastic toys, used paperback books! Bin them immediately. The DC never even see them. This is tat from a woman with more money than we will ever have.

Insult me if she wishes, but do not insult my beloved DC.

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