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to think that no men really, truly do like and appreciate a fat woman?

(261 Posts)
fedupintheoffice Tue 11-Aug-09 21:40:05

I mean, why would they?

I'm a 21 stone, size 28. I haven't had a boyfriend for nearly 2 years. I find that men are really grossed out by my flabs. What man in his right mind would choose someone like me when they can have a slim, toned beauty.

Siane Tue 11-Aug-09 21:42:51

because slim, toned beauties can be really boring and really intimidating. The sexiest thing is confidence - easier said than done if you don't feel it - but it's true. Prince is flipping sexy and he's probably a foot shorter than me. And John Travolta, who's overweight- don't even get me started....

Siane Tue 11-Aug-09 21:44:56

Don't feel sad. You sound really sad. Remember that men get insecure too. You might be more approachable than you think if you can believe you are. Sorry, don't mean to sound trite but I bet you've really got more going for you than you reckon. I bet you have xxx

Mamazon Tue 11-Aug-09 21:45:27

someone who appreciates who YOU are and not the body you come in.

I am a 20stone size 24 and although i have my days of doubt i don't have too much trouble pulling blokes if i want to.

Its about confidence and self esteem.
If you sit around all day moaning that your fat and why would anyone fancy you then they are going to think the same thing.

There are men out there who can only see skin deep, of course there are. but they aren'#t the sort of guy you want to be with anyway.

mummiesnet Tue 11-Aug-09 21:46:43


kormachameleon Tue 11-Aug-09 21:51:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weegiemum Tue 11-Aug-09 21:53:55

Depending on water retention, I am anything from a 24-28.

Not only does my dh adore me, but I was chatted up on our last night out.

Agree with those who say it is confidence.

Tortington Tue 11-Aug-09 21:55:04

its all about the vibes you put out. the charisma you have

if one doesn't have charisma, is lacking in confidence and generally hard to be around - then the flaps aren't going to help.

its a misnoma to say that is ok to be fat - that everything will work out an the right guy will come along.

we are sexually programmed - we are socially programmd.

so you need to change things

i'm a fat bastard - i'm changing i've had enough

Dior Tue 11-Aug-09 21:56:53

My friend has a husband who adores her curves and she is 5 stone overweight. He even complained when she lost the weight a few years ago, because he had nothing to snuggle up to. My sister met her perfect man a couple of years ago and he loves her (she is around 19 stone).

I do find that I get less attention as a size 18 than when I was smaller, but I see some men looking still. I try to dress nicely and do my hair/makeup well.

Dior Tue 11-Aug-09 21:57:48

The men ARE still out there, but admittedly less of them.

daftpunk Tue 11-Aug-09 22:00:28

depending on water it..

it is all down to confidence....but i personally wouldn't feel confident being very overweight....

can't answer for men re; finding fat women attractive...but i'm sure some do.

dizietsma Tue 11-Aug-09 22:02:44

Well, I'm Bi, and I think skinny toned women are very unappealing. Always have. It might have something to do with women who know they're conventionally attractive being a bit more... entitled? There's an attitude I find most unbecoming that is common amongst the "pretty".

Occasionally I'll find conventionally attractive women attractive, but that is almost always a personality thing, rather than purely a looks thing.

Plus, bigger ladies = bigger boobs and beautiful curves- Yay! :D

Hubby agrees with me on almost all of this, BTW, just in case you think this is just a woman who likes women thing. I've also spent enough time on the dodgy porny underbelly of the internet to know that we are far from alone in our preferences grin

Do yourself a massive favour and read 'Fat is a Feminist Issue' and spend an evening looking at 'fat positive' websites.

ThePregnantPhantomPlopper Tue 11-Aug-09 22:04:59

Some men like skinny women, some like larger women.

But as everyone else has said, it's all about confidence.

daftpunk Tue 11-Aug-09 22:05:07

i find fat men sexually repulsive

daftpunk Tue 11-Aug-09 22:05:53

my eyes always go towards the well fit bodies

ThePregnantPhantomPlopper Tue 11-Aug-09 22:06:52

I don't like skinny men or fat men.

SolidGoldBrass Tue 11-Aug-09 22:08:57

LOTS of people like larger people. here is just one (relatively sensible and not too full on) website for people who are, or who like, larger partners. Google BBW, fat admirers etc.
A very good book on the subject is Big Big Love - yes, it's American but much of the advice about self-esteem and avoiding out and out fetishistic loons is sound.

Don't read 'Fat is a Feminist Issue' , or if you do read it, don't take it as The Truth, it's both dated and misguided and written by someone with a daft and very conformist agenda.

SixtyFootDoll Tue 11-Aug-09 22:09:54

Have you always been that size?
If you are not happy being big, then you have to do someting about it.
If you are happy with it, then fine.

SomeGuy Tue 11-Aug-09 22:10:16

some men like HUGE women. As in 48 stone huge, and they deliberately feed them up. It's quite manipulative IMO

dizietsma Tue 11-Aug-09 22:11:58

Gosh SGB, really? A friend of mine who has had a lot of body image issues said she finds it very helpful, having not read it I'll defer to your superior knowledge.

Ronaldinhio Tue 11-Aug-09 22:12:24

I think it all has to do with what you find attractive.
If you don't believe you are attractive then that will halt your behaving completely freely.
Lose weight or learn to enjoy your size but live for today and what you have. Being thinner will not find you a man or make you happy just present other issues

daftpunk Tue 11-Aug-09 22:12:25

someguy...that's not normal though is it...that's like wanting sex with midgets or animals..

K999 Tue 11-Aug-09 22:13:39

I saw a programme on that issue once - the blokes are called 'feeders' although I would call them somethin else...shock

MaDuggar Tue 11-Aug-09 22:13:50

Oh yes they do! My DP adores my size 22 body, we have sex at least 5 times a week despite 3 kids (1 baby).

ThePregnantPhantomPlopper Tue 11-Aug-09 22:14:02

The only man I know who is always going on about how he wouldn't 'do' a fat woman, is incredibly ugly and an utter cunt. He's 35 and after 9 years of being single he is now dating a 71 year old. hmm

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