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To change the ring?

(16 Posts)
loupiots Tue 11-Aug-09 21:11:22

My partner has proposed and he went out and bought a ring to do it properly. Bless him, and I'm really happy.

It's lovely, but the ring is not me. At all.

He said, (as you do), if you don't like it, we can change it, not a problem.

But I know that he would be quite hurt if I actually did. But on the other hand, I've now got an engagement ring that I wouldn't have chosen myself, given the choice, and it's a long term item (hopefully).

Is it unreasonable (and a bit mean/ungrateful) to change it? Or is it merely being sensible and pragmatic?

Heated Tue 11-Aug-09 21:14:49

You're going to be wearing it for a lifetime (hopefully!) so yes change it.

Heated Tue 11-Aug-09 21:15:34

Oh, and congratulations on your engagement smile

TheProfiteroleThief Tue 11-Aug-09 21:17:05

Well, if it is wrong size, a metal that you are allergic to (if you can pull that off) or maybe a setting that is not terribly practical you might be able to change it on those grounds. If just taste, I think that would be hurtful.

COngrats! What is it like?

LittleMissBliss Tue 11-Aug-09 21:17:25

I would change it, you want something that you love. Not so, so about, i'm sure he'll understand.

allaboutme Tue 11-Aug-09 21:24:09

I got engaged 7 years ago (been married 6 years)
My DH chose my ring and put masses of thought and effort into it.
Its not something I would have chosen at ALL.

I could never have said a single word about it though other than that I love it.
I do love it, purely because of how much love and thought went into it. There'd be bugger all of that in one that I had chosen myself.
As time has gone on I like it all the more for the memories it holds and the meaning behind it.

Think about what it means and how much thought your fiance put into choosing it with you in mind. Also think about how hurt he would be if you changed it.
Then weigh that up against how much it isnt to your taste and see which seems the most important smile

loupiots Tue 11-Aug-09 21:28:23

Thanks for the congratulations - I'm beaming inside. Lots.

It IS a nice ring - platinum and a single diamond. It's just fine. I suppose I just would prefer something a bit less..
...traditional, and a bit more me.

But I don't want to hurt his feelings, because he put a lot of effort into it, and should I just stop being bloody pernickety?smile

wonderingwondering Tue 11-Aug-09 21:29:31

I'm a bit sentimental - unless it really is grotesque, I'd keep it, it's all about the gesture. Just line up a decent sparkler for your five year anniversary! wink

TheProfiteroleThief Tue 11-Aug-09 21:29:35

Well if he has gone beautiful and classical, I think you need to be graceful. Or send it to me

loupiots Tue 11-Aug-09 21:30:03

Oh, cross posted - you're thinking my thoughts, allaboutme.

bookbird Tue 11-Aug-09 21:30:29

Change it! You will wear it for the rest of your life. he may be slightly hurt, but he'll get over that hurt more quickly than you'll get over wearing a ring that you're not that keen on.

allaboutme Tue 11-Aug-09 21:35:50

Honestly if you are thinking that now then you will be upset when he is hurt by you asking to change it.
The new ring will always be a bit tainted by it.
Your ring sounds beautiful and you sound really happy.
Keep it smile
Congratulations.

SoupDragon Tue 11-Aug-09 21:40:08

If it is simple and classic it will not date and will always look good.

and it was chosen with love.

oysterpots Tue 11-Aug-09 21:40:29

Could you get something a bit more 'you' as a wedding ring that would still go with the engagement ring?

bratley Tue 11-Aug-09 21:50:30

I had a lovely little engagement ring that DH chose but decided I wanted one that I liked, he agreed and we went out and bought another one, I wore it for a while and decided it just didnt make me smile as much as the one he'd chosen!
Fair enough it wasnt something I'd have chosen but it was bought by him specifically for me to wear when I agreed to be his wife!
It was kind of snowflake shaped, and he proposed on Christmas Day, I know for a fact that had nothing to do with why he picked that one but it makes it more special to me! grin

I'm starting a job this week where I can't wear rings with stones in and I'm gutted, will miss my little snowflake! smile

Give it a chance, you might just grow to love it!

babybarrister Tue 11-Aug-09 21:52:36

unless grotesque [which it does not sound like] definitely keep it as if he is a nice guy he will have sounded out a lot of his friends and gone to a lot of trouble ..... you can always buy yourself a ring later!

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