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DH wants to take 3yr old DD1 away from Fri to Sun

(20 Posts)
Hullabaloo2 Tue 11-Aug-09 14:04:37

To the seaside.

Few other issues, number one being we have a 4 mth old baby who has not slept through the night yet.

I feel totally neglected

He pretty much has nothing to do with DD2

And I have refused to go away on holiday this year as we have 4mth old and everything to be done is to be done by me. We went away with dd1 when she was 6 mth old and it was a nightmare, she didn't sleep the entire week we were away. It was a phase she was going through but I just can't bare to go through that again.

Oh and I'm fed up of us not acting as a family unit...just a family of two halves...even when there was just DD1...

Okay and I do feel jealous of the attention he lavishes on dd1 who is thriving on it...but I feel I might as well not exist

This is getting into a

Am I being really unreasonable???

cheesesarnie Tue 11-Aug-09 14:07:03

personally id love it if dh took the dc away for the weekend.

we are also a family of 2 halves rather than a family unit except it seems to be me and the 3dc on one side and dh on the other.i think he forgets he has dc.

but no i can see your point so im saying yanbu

Hullabaloo2 Tue 11-Aug-09 14:09:13

Yeah!! Thanks Cheesesarnie...just what I wanted YANBU in AIBU topic! Never mind everyone who comes after wink

Perhaps this should be in relationships...

But feel for you not having dh spending time with dc...YANBU wishing he took them away

YeahBut Tue 11-Aug-09 14:10:15

You are a bit if you're going to let your dd1 go without a nice weekend with her Dad just because you don't want to go and you don't want them to go without you.
Holidays with young kids are hard work so I'd make the most of having your dh and dd1 out from under your feet!

muddleduck Tue 11-Aug-09 14:11:34

YANBU to want to not want to be a family of two halves.
YABU to expect your DH and DD1 to miss out on seaside holidays just because you don't want to go.

I'd say you should:
1) talk to your DH about how you feel at the moment.
2) all go away together for afew days and make sure that you both spend time with each of the children on their own.
3) get a babysitter for a few hours and go out with your DH.

cheesesarnie Tue 11-Aug-09 14:12:03

maybe your dh could take my 3dc awaygrinwink

thesockmonsterofdoom Tue 11-Aug-09 14:13:08

yanbu, but enjoy the weekend. smile

MollieO Tue 11-Aug-09 14:17:37

Could your dh take my 5 yr old ds too? grin

OrangeFish Tue 11-Aug-09 14:18:07

I think you need to see this from a perfectly selfish point:

If he stays, will he help with the DC?

If he stays will he take care of feeding himself and DD1 while you tend to the baby?

If he stays will you have some quiet on your own to enjoy your baby without distractions for a few days? to have some time on your own when you don't have to care for the needs of 3 people?

Ignore the fact they may have fun without you... You will have some peace without them

With the added bonus that if your DH takes care of DD1 on his own for a FULL week he may get to have a good idea about how much work you do.

Schoolgirl Tue 11-Aug-09 14:18:39

I feel your pain as I'm in a similar situation with a DD 4.5 yrs and a DS 8 months who is bf and still to sleep through the night.

I've also found that DH has focussed more on DD and her needs - almost as if it gives him the excuse not to deal with DS. On the one hand, it's lovely to see them bonding and spending so much time together, on the other I'm terribly jealous that he gets to "enjoy" her and I still get all the crappy bits as well as having to deal with DS so I think ... YANBU smile

HOWEVER (!) I do think that this is an opportunity too good to miss for all of you. For him - a chance to further bond with DD1, for DD1 - a holiday of course but also some time away from DD2 whose arrival has no doubt affected her, for DD2 - some quality time with you without you trying to split yourself in two and most importantly for you - some time on your own to sleep with DD2 sleeps and enjoy her fully - you might even find she sleeps a bit better!

ConnorTraceptive Tue 11-Aug-09 14:22:00

Bless you I have the same age gap bewteen my two and I we were definately a family of two halves for a while but it has much improved now that ds2 is older.

I can understand why you are not happy about the situation but perhaps take the opportunity to get some rest and spend a weekend in bed with your baby sleeping and feeding.

skidoodle Tue 11-Aug-09 14:25:13

Why don't you stop doing everything?

What a shitty husband he is if going off on holiday means fun times for him and so much extra work for you that you don't even want to go

Flibbertyjibbet Tue 11-Aug-09 14:26:54

She will need some company.

I will pack my 3 yo ds2's little bag and you can tell me when your dh will come and collect him.

OTOH, I had ds2 much to myself for about the first 6 months while dp spent most of his time with ds1.

I did feel a bit pushed out and a bit of a family of two halves, but as soon as ds2 got a bit older dp spends all his time with both of them and I get some nice quiet time while they disappear to the park for hours etc.

ksld Tue 11-Aug-09 14:27:19

Is he spending time with DD1 to help as he knows what to do with her, but feels at a loss with the baby? Are you BFing DD2? Is there any time when DD1 is asleep when you could be asleep/in the bath and he could have DD2 on his own for a bit?
Sorry you are feeling left out and neglected - I suspect you are just feeling understandably tired and hormonal - as you said you have a non-sleeping 4 month old. I remember feeling worse a few months in when all offers of help have dried up but you are still not getting enough sleep or time to yourself.
If I were you I would send DD1 off for a lovely weekend with her Dad which will be great for both of them. Then pack yourself and DD2 off to bed with TV, magazines, snacky food and just try to doze and sleep all the time, (do not do any housework as if you went on the weekend away it would all be left!)
BUT make clear to DH you feel a bit abandoned and are worried he doesn't do enough with DD2 so when they get back he is to do an activity with DD2 (depends on your situation what he can do - if FFing he can take her out for the day to give you a break, take her for one night while you sleep elsewhere/friends house. If BFing then he can do bath time, take her as soon as feed finished and bring her back when next one due and you don't have to do anything in between)
And also you get a day/morning out with DD1 yourself to have some fun with her.

skidoodle Tue 11-Aug-09 14:37:01

"Then pack yourself and DD2 off to bed with TV, magazines, snacky food and just try to doze and sleep all the time, (do not do any housework as if you went on the weekend away it would all be left!)"

The baby is 4 months old, not 4 days old.

Or are there 4 month old babies who will sleep all the time and not want to be about looking at stuff?

LovelyTinOfSpam Tue 11-Aug-09 14:41:52

YANBU I can see why you are annoyed.

BUT I would pay good money to have DH and DD(2) go away for a few days and leave me in peace with the baby. Much as I love them both, they make for an excitingly noisy and unrestful time...

cat64 Tue 11-Aug-09 14:45:10

Message withdrawn

CyradisTheSeer Tue 11-Aug-09 14:50:51

Message withdrawn

thatsnotmymonster Tue 11-Aug-09 14:53:32

Holidays with babies/young children are always hard work but usually fun as well.

I too would LOVE it LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT if DH took any of my 3 (4,3 and 1) away for the weekend! Did I mention I would LOVE it.

He doesn't even take them swimming or to the park without me so I think you are very lucky in that respect.

I can see your point but TBH i still think YABU.

You don't want to go, fine, but let them go- at least he's offering to take your dd and he couldn't really take the baby could he. You will have some quiet time without them. You could meet up with friends, get nice food in etc etc.

AtheneNoctua Tue 11-Aug-09 15:03:47

I think it is normal and healthy for everyone for dad to spend time with DC1 when DC2 comes along, and mum to hang out with DC2. WE did this when DS (second child) was born for about two weeks, then DH buggered back off to work and I had them both for the rest of maternity leave. But, 4 months?? I assume that was not a typo and the baby is not actually 4 weeks old. Jeez, that would wear anyone down. And I have to agree he is being unreasonable if he thinks a holiday is for him to enjoy and you to work. Maybe you should grant him he request, on the condition that the weekend before his holiday you will bugger off with the older one and leave him with small baby and fridge full of milk (for the baby, not him).

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