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AIBU to think my friend should not leave her toddlers alone in the bath?

(22 Posts)
sunshiney Mon 10-Aug-09 20:27:48

My friend (of many years) is quite open about the fact that she will put her two ds's in the bath together, then go out of the bathroom to tidy the bedrooms and generally potter about. Her elder boy is 3 in October, the younger is 14 months.
She says she keeps popping in and out of the bathroom every few minutes.

I said to her I didn't think this was right, i think she's taking a big risk, especially with her younger boy. What if there was an accident she didn't hear, if it took her a few minutes to come back it could be too late.

She said she thinks it is a safe thing to do.
What says mumsnet?

Am I the only person with a mental block against leaving my toddler alone in the bath even for a minute?

mrsboogie Mon 10-Aug-09 21:21:56

Oh shock

14 MONTHS?? shock

HecatesTwopenceworth Mon 10-Aug-09 21:23:07

I don't know about the rest of mumsnet grin but I certainly think it is a very stupid thing to do and I hope she doesn't live to regret it.

thisisyesterday Mon 10-Aug-09 21:24:01

i used to do the same, but only if i could hear them
my 14 month old (now 20 months) has always been very vocal. the second it went quiet i was back in there lol

sweetkitty Mon 10-Aug-09 21:24:45

I have a 13 month old and there's no way I would leave her in the bath alone even for a minute.

Is the youngest one in a baby seat in the bath or free range? Nevermind the obvious drowning aspect I would be more worried about them falling over and hurting themselves

thesouthsbelle Mon 10-Aug-09 21:24:46

14 months I didn't leave ds in the bath, 3.5 I do while I nip to get him some pajamas but I live in a bungalow.

wouldn't leave 2 in the bath on their own, they could be playing and it only takes one to be a bit rough.

juuule Mon 10-Aug-09 21:26:13

14m too young to be left in the bath without adult supervision.

luckylady74 Mon 10-Aug-09 21:30:11

This thread is already well under way - why start again?

OnlyWantsOne Mon 10-Aug-09 21:30:16

My DD is 2.10 and I have only just started popping out of the bathroom, whilst she's playing.

Literaly for 2 mins, and I stay upstairs and talk to her constantly to know she's ok.

I would not leave my 14month old alone in the bath. At All

Satsuma1 Mon 10-Aug-09 21:30:59

I'm scared to even turn my back on DS (18 months) when he's in the bath.

I think she's taking a huge risk and hope she doesn't live to regret it.

lynniep Mon 10-Aug-09 21:33:13

DS is 2.5 and I do leave him in the bathroom alone to get his room ready for bed, but the door is open and I can see him if I pop my head out every 10 seconds or so. Also hes very vocal in the bath, and I only do it when he's sitting having a conversation with his toys (I'm no more than 3 metres away). If he's in a more splashy mood I stay with him cos he's likely to do something daft like stand up and therefore slip. I wouldnt do it with a 14m old.

NeedOpinions Mon 10-Aug-09 21:36:20

14mts too young,and placing too much responsibility on the three yr old.I do regularly leave DD in bath (within earshot) but she is 4.5...and I am still not overly comfortable with it.

KembleTwins Mon 10-Aug-09 21:37:57

I leave my DTs for a minute or two, to sort things out, but they are 3. I have only been doing this for the last few weeks. 14 months is rather too young to be left without adult supervision, IMO.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Mon 10-Aug-09 21:38:18

YANBU. She's being daft.

juicyjolly Mon 10-Aug-09 21:41:43

My god she sounds like a right fool.

Maybe you could find some articles on the internet and show her why she is completely wrong to carry on doing this.

lingle Mon 10-Aug-09 21:41:58

You did right to say something even if it damages the friendship. We all make mistakes so don't judge her general mothering skills but perhaps show her this?

Kittsy Mon 10-Aug-09 21:51:19

I'm a First Aid instructor. I just thought she should know it only takes 20 SECONDS for a child to drown and they only need an inch of water.
There are two types of drowning:
Dry drowning (usually under 18months) when the baby's reflex mean that she closes off her airway once she has water over her face. She basically suffocates. You can relieve this early on buy blowing into the babies face (if she is still concious) and the baby will start to breathe again.
* Wet (or Secondary) drowning is when water is taken down into the airway and then passes into the lungs. The child will splutter and might appear okay. However, because there is water in the lungs, the lungs then produce mucus to combat the water. The lungs end up filling up with mucus. IT CAN HAPPEN UP TO 36 HOURS AFTER. So your friend might rush back in a see that her child is spluttering but a few days later she could just stop breathing.

Would she let her eldest look after the baby on the edge of a cliff? It's the same type of risk...it would be too late.

motherbeyond Mon 10-Aug-09 22:00:59

why risk it.some people are so compalcent abouyt their dc's it's scary

kittymax Mon 10-Aug-09 22:05:49

YANBU. I didn't start leaving mine til they were 2yrs, even then it was a quick jog to the next room and straight back. If I couldn't locate it in 15 seconds I'd have to do without! As they got older I left them a tiny bit longer. DS2 is 8 and we still shower him as he has asd. Even b4 dx we stayed within earshot till when age 6 or 7 he decided showers r quicker. He has to be supervised cos he cud slip. I think 14m is too young, but all parents are different. Not sure what I'd say though. I wudn't want to be in your shoes tbh. Wud be afraid of upsetting friend (but maybe that's cos I'm not very tactful, don't mean to but say the wrong thing). Maybe you cud drop a hint? Feel for ya hun.

sunshiney Mon 10-Aug-09 22:18:12

Ta for the replies. And oops when I started the thread I somehow managed to duplicate it.

Well I just wanted to know what the middle ground might be as she relaxed to the point of carelessness, and i am paranoid and a bit pfb-ish!

I don't regret voicing my opinion anyhow, we have been friends for donkeys years so she just listened but didn't comment. Maybe she will stop and think next time, but more likely she will continue to do as she sees fit. Touch wood there is never a problem .

I do think though she believes the elder boy would let her know if there was a problem, which I think is madness.

blueshoes Mon 10-Aug-09 22:27:05

I do rely on dd 5.10 to tell me if there is a problem with ds 2.10, both being within earshot.

Depends on how mature and reliable her 3 year old is. My ds is almost 3 and I would not trust him to tell me reliably, though 80% he probably would start shouting.

MamaGoblin Mon 10-Aug-09 22:39:49

It's a terrible burden to put onto her older child, even if he isn't aware of it. What if something did happen, god forbid? Aside from the tragedy of losing her younger child, how would the older one feel later on? How would she feel about him?

I would never leave a child that young alone in the bath or with a 3 year old - it's mad.

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