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Yes I am unreasonable

(12 Posts)
fattybumbum Sat 08-Aug-09 11:39:41

I used to be a teacher but gave it up to be a SAHM to DS1. I was sick of teaching anyway and I feel quite strongly that my son has benefited a lot from my being around (he is very bright but also very high maintenance). Now I'm 7.5 months up the duff with child number 2 and would like to remain at home with this one until they can go to full time preschool.

However, I want my cake and to eat it! I'm getting really jealous of our friends who can afford big houses and flash life styles (because the kids are in full time nursery) and I do get bored being a stay at home mum. I don't want to go back to teaching though and would feel sick at putting my small baby into childcare. So why am I jealous of these other women? Maybe because they feel they can have it all without the guilt etc that I would definitely feel if I got a job. Our house is an ex council house in Manchester that we can't even afford to do up nicely, so I am pretty green that other friends have lovely homes and holidays etc. I said this to my DH who replied, 'Well go back to work then.' But I don't want to! I love my kids! I think I am confused and ungrateful for what I have.

Jesus! Some people are never happy!What is wrong with me?

lovechoc Sat 08-Aug-09 11:45:51

Wait til you have had your second child then re-evaluate the situation. I'm not going to say YABU/YANBU because we've all had moments when we don't know what the hell we want in life (been there myself).

dizzydixies Sat 08-Aug-09 11:48:08

could you work part time/tutor maybe? would afford you some more money without the commitment of full time teaching

fattybumbum Sat 08-Aug-09 11:51:22

I used to tutor which was easy money but have struggled physically with this pregnancy so I gave it up. It was more 'pin money' really. To move house we'd need me to earn a proper salary so as to get a good sized mortgage.

It just feels to me that I'd be making a sacrifice no matter what I chose to do and that I would suffer mentally for it (more so than DH). Wish I'd known about this kind of thing before we had kids.

dizzydixies Sat 08-Aug-09 11:53:26

3 of my friends who are teachers work job shares

one only works Mon & Tues each week picking up supply if and when she needs it - that way she has 2days work, 5 off and the option to earn a little more if need be - it gives her the time at home with the kids as well as the option to work for her sanity grin

slowreadingprogress Sat 08-Aug-09 11:56:09

It's perfectly natural to feel the way you do.

The thing you have to keep telling yourself is that you are laying foundations now which will be a better long term investment than a bigger living room or a garage.

You're investing in your children by being with them and giving them the start in life that you feel will benefit them most - and you are investing in providing them with childhood memories which will last them a lifetime and probably will make them want to replicate them for their own children one day.

When you think about it a bigger room or some new wallpaper doesn't really compare, does it?

I have always HAD to work although was only 2 days a week when ds was pre-school age but I always totally envied people who could choose to stay at home in the pre school years. And I respected them for it too. I bet some of those friends of yours in the big houses are jealous of you

dizzydixies Sat 08-Aug-09 11:58:46

agree with slowreadingprogress, i had to return to work when DD1 was 8months old, DD2 was just over a year and am starting back next week and DD3 has just turned 1. I've got no choice but to work but would love to stay here - its only part time but its still time away from the kids that I'll never get back

there is never an easy choice when taking into account the needs of yourself and the needs of your kids - good luck either way!

IDreamOfJeannie Sat 08-Aug-09 12:00:21

I feel like you do sometimes fattybumbum.

Remember that your children will only be small for a relatively short period. When they go to school you can go back to work. Then you'll got the rest of your life to earn money and by a nice house / decorate.

Make the most of the time you have with your LOs whilst they are young.

slowreadingprogress Sat 08-Aug-09 12:00:34

Meant to add though I totally understand you will be bored at home 24/7, and I think working some hours each week even one day, would give you and the kids a nice change from eachother. It won't buy the big house, and yes you'd have to put them in some form of childcare but that would not compare with nursery five days a week 8 till 6!!!

slowreadingprogress Sat 08-Aug-09 12:02:33

agree with Jeannie, it IS such a short time you have them at home before school whips them away from you. It is hard to see that when you have pre-schoolers, there ARE long days when you're trying to keep them happy - but suddenly they're at school and that time is gone and it never comes back!

nellie12 Sat 08-Aug-09 12:26:12

If your friends kids are in full time nursery and their houses are done up to the nines then they the chances are they earn a lot in any case. nursery fees are crippling on a middling type income and frequently make returning to work full time non-viable . So I would forget about it. (desperately tries not to think about the bathroom..)

You do have the satisfaction of bringing your children up and influencing them, they know you are around and you dont have to worry about quality time.

You wont be bored in 8 weeks - you wont have enough time in the day.wink

lovechoc Sat 08-Aug-09 21:01:35

If you don't need to go out and work then don't. Enjoy your role as a SAHM and make the most of your time. I agree with the others too. In the grand scheme of things, 3 years isn't a long time to be stuck at home with DC. They will be off to school before you know it.

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