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getting frustrated with married life/routine etc

(3 Posts)
up2u Wed 05-Aug-09 14:51:14

Me and my DH are from very different backgrounds and the thing which bought us together the' opposites attract thing' is now getting a bit in the way and i am not sure how to broach it.
DH has his own business his own life, his own hobbies etc and generally I think is quite happy going to work coming home and generally doing nothing else.
It is almost as if he has turned into his own father as they say they do -the thing is we are both on ly in our early 30's with 3 children under 6 and i so believe that life is for living (more than just existing) i love travelling,socialising (yes with a drink or two) working meeting people and going to new places.Even with the children, I think you can build a happy family life next to the children and that it shouldn't have to alter too much.(Having said this I have made LOTS of lifestyle alterations and not begrudgingly since my first child)This I don't mind doing and sometimes wish that my parents had felt the same.
It is now nearly 9 years down the line when I have realised that I am simply no more than a glorified second mother to him, he works when he likes,goes to his hobby when he likes and I am supposed to feed, sexually satisfy him and smile as if life couldn't be better when the fact is,I don't get out,I cant work as I would like to as he is the main earner,he doesnt take me anywhere but tuts if I want to stay at a friends to get
out cheaply for a bit and although I have discussed this untili am blue in the face it dooesn't seem to change at all.Please tell me how to keep the spark alive when times are stressful and we are both tired and hardly have any spare time for eachother,I do love him but I am so taken for granted sometimes.don't get me wrong he gives us evrything I could wish for and if I arrange things he is generally happy to accomodate,I feel as if I never arranged anything then we would literally exist in this routine forever-he would never want to go out or anything.I am also expected to have sex at least 3x per week or if not i get him moaning.I don't feel 'special'at all.He thiks a nicely written birthday card covers this for a few months-no present, and no meal out.I think I am bored however I am quite an active lively person and he is mellow and laid back and loves relaxing-how do we get the happy medium???Sorry it's ong and i know a common problem in marriage with young kids too.

booyhoo Wed 05-Aug-09 15:04:11

i would show him this post.

pollyblue Wed 05-Aug-09 15:08:26

Yep, think it is quite a common problem! smile And he sounds a bit like your typical bloke, happy with his work and family, got into a routine that suits him and enjoys his hobbies.

If he is home in the evenings couldn't you get a part time job then, or do a class of some description? If you have family or friends nearby who would babysit, would he agree to a regular night out, perhaps once a fortnight or whenever would suit you, you choose the venue one time, he chooses the next? Just a couple of small, regular "breathers" could make a big difference. But he does nee to understand that just as he has carved out a niche for himself he's happy with, you are entitled to do the same.

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