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AIBU?

not changing my name now I am married?

271 replies

beanieb · 03/08/2009 20:51

I really can't be arsed. The number one reason(s) being the expense and the inconvenience of changing everything.

So far I have changed my name on facebook (apparently not good enough although more people will see that than my passport or bank account) and my name on our joint savings account.

We have separate accounts, no kids (yet) and the bills are in both our names.

My OH says it's 'really important' to him but when I ask why he can't explain and then says let's not talk about it because it annoys him so much and he feels like I am winding him up. I on the other hand can give lots of reasons why I can't be arsed. I am happy when my passport runs out in 8 years to re-apply using my married name but it just makes no sense to me to change everything all in one go. People in work know me by my usual name etc.

I think he thinks I am being unreasonable - am I?

OP posts:

Report

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 03/08/2009 20:52

What expense?

Why on earth didn't you talk about this before you got married?

rubyslippers · 03/08/2009 20:52

not sure YABU

it seems like it is important to your DH so why not?

congrats on your wedding ...

giddykipper · 03/08/2009 20:52

You are not being unreasonable. I will probably be changing my name but only because I would like to have the same surname as my son. Otherwise I would be keeping it as it is. I've had this name for 37 years and changing it will be a major upheaval.

LetThemEatCake · 03/08/2009 20:53

I never changed my name. I was getting married, not changing my identity. DH's family had an issue with it, DH didn't. He admits that my surname is nicer than his, anyway!!

The kids' surnames are all hyphenated.

I don't think YABU

EyeballsintheSky · 03/08/2009 20:53

DH said the same thing. I finally changed mine 5 years after we got married. Sent an email round at work to tell of new name and got a flood of congratulations emails back

Do whatever you're comfortable with, although I would say that, for me, it was more hassle doing it later than sooner.

beanieb · 03/08/2009 20:55

We did talk about it before I got married, I always said I wouldn't

I was assuming that it cost money to change a passport, doesn't it FabBakerGirl?

OP posts:

StayFrosty · 03/08/2009 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 03/08/2009 20:56

Did you discuss this before you married? Personally I wouldn't have chosen to marry someone who didn't respect my decision not to change my name. Why should it be 'really important' to him? How about if you told him it was really important to you that he changed his name to yours and asked him how he felt about that?
YANBU.

MissisBoot · 03/08/2009 20:56

YANBU - do it when or if you want to do it.

I've kept my maiden name, mainly because I can't bear to be called the same as my mil.

I may change my name at some point in the future but really don't see the need to do so. I do answer to Mrs DH's name as its just easier that saying 'actually my name is blah blah blah'. DD has dh's surname so I often get called the wrong name.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 03/08/2009 20:57

Sorry, x-posted. So you did have this discussion before you got married and now he is reneging? Why is that then?

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 03/08/2009 20:57

But that is only one expense, £4.99. Will not exactly break the bank.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 03/08/2009 21:01

I didn't change my name when I got married - didn't occur to me. DH has never had a problem with it, altho DS & DD both have his surname.

beanieb · 03/08/2009 21:03

it's £4.99 to change a passport? I was under the impression something over £60 to do it. can't find the info on the official passport site though.

We had the discussion, I never said I would he always said he would like me to. It wasn't a major discussion just an exchange of opinion really.

OP posts:

beanieb · 03/08/2009 21:05

think it's £77

OP posts:

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 03/08/2009 21:05

Well then, tell him to sod off. Or, if you're feeling a bit more grown up than I would be, ask him to explain his reasoning. "I can't talk about it because it annoys me too much" isn't really good enough.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 03/08/2009 21:06

here

beanieb · 03/08/2009 21:07

well yes, that's what has annoyed me I suppose. Love him to bits and am happy to be called Mrs (hisname) if we have kids or by family or on joint purchases etc but at the moment it's just a pain to do and I can't really see why it's so important. He is kind of sulky over it and can't explain why at all.

OP posts:

cupcakesinthesnow · 03/08/2009 21:08

Oh god, no of course YANBU. It's 2009 not 1909!

I had been with DP 18 years and had 2 children together before we got maried last year (to tie up legal loose ends as got sick of paying to change the wills everytime something happened just ti try and make them watertight)and was very when MIL started sending me/us cards to Mrs X when I had always said I would never change my name.

My FIL said he saw it as a rejection of the husband if a woman didnt take his name - WTF?!?

bigstripeytiger · 03/08/2009 21:08

YANBU. why should you change your name.
If your DH thinks it is 'really important' for you to have the same name then I expect he could change his name you yours.

Thingiebob · 03/08/2009 21:09

YANBU

If you want to keep your name then keep it. I got married recently and I still can't decide whether to change or not. Can't be arsed being one of the reasons!

canella · 03/08/2009 21:10

it costs loads to change your name - and its quite a lot for your passport and i cant remember if it costs for the driving licence or if that was because mine was about to expire!

i didnt change all my stuff immediately - only changed it recently because we were moving abroad and its easier to live here with the same name!

still find it weird though to have a new name! but its also weird that you can live with 2 names - kept forgetting what i'd changed and what i'd not!

so YANBU!

beanieb · 03/08/2009 21:10

yes, FabBakerGirl but I don't really want to change it by Deed Poll. Is that what all married people who take their OHs name do?

I thought a deed poll change was something different?

As far as travel goes I am just thinking that I can book tickets in my old name and take mey current passport along. If I change my name by deed poll but don't change my passport wouldn't that be illegal?

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FabBakerGirlIsBack · 03/08/2009 21:12

I searched for how much to change name on passport and got that.

must be something different for being married

giddykipper · 03/08/2009 21:12

You don't need to go the deed poll route if you are changing your name through marriage, you just present your marriage certificate.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 03/08/2009 21:12

You don't need a deed poll, that's a complete red herring. You can use your marriage certificate for the same purpose. You still have to pay the £73 to the Passport Office.

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