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to think friendships are overrated and I should just be a hermit?

(4 Posts)
LollipopViolet Sat 01-Aug-09 21:45:32

OK, background is this. I'm 19, not a mum yet and still living at home. A while ago I took my mum to Alton Towers, and she loved it. She won't do the big rides, whereas I will. So we didn't do many rides before leaving (we live close by). So she said that when we went again, I could bring a friend who I've known for about 8 years. Friend has said yes to this.

She's not been much of a mate these last few months. She's been dropping our group for a bunch of 15-16 year olds in her street. This stings a bit for me, I really struggle with friendships for some reason, don't really have any close friends at uni (I live at home and they've all gone home). Due to family situations I'm unable to go out clubbing til 3am like everyone else so that doesn't help at uni. Anyway, this friend is one of a VERY close group I've known since I moved to the area 9 years ago. They really are the only people I see, all my work colleagues live too far away and I don't drive.

So, this friend, who said she'd love a day out, has been messing us around all summer. She's always busy with something else whenever my mum and me are off work on the same day (rare as she's a nurse). I've just asked her again, told her I'm finishing my job on 20th August (work for the merlin group so get freebie tickets which I'll have to hand back). "Oh, I'm off Saturday and Sunday. I'm busy though. Might be going to Nottingham." Once again, she's blown me out for someone else and doesn't actually seem to care that I've TOLD her I worry about me losing her as a friend!

IF SHE DIDN'T WANT TO COME WITH MY MUM AND ME WHY SAY YES IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!

Sorry for the caps but I am so upset about this. I thought she cared about our friendship but she just cares about the petrol money it seems, and going out with me when none of her younger friends are around (she's also 19).

I probably AM being a little bit unreasonable, but like I said, making friends is so hard for me I hate when it feels like my friendships are falling apart.

I'm gonna be a hermit. It's much less stressful. Then when she wants to socialize and I've got uni work, that's her lookout, she should've thought about it before she treated my friendship like something she can throw away and pick up when she feels like it.

Sorry for long post, I just really needed to get that off my chest and can't talk to another friend because it'll get back to her, or other mates will confront her, then she'll get her grumpy face on.

goldenpeach Sat 01-Aug-09 21:55:41

Try to find friends who share your interest or outlook in life. Talking from experience, if you're a bit different or like different things, people don't include you as much. For instance if you like reading or writing, join a reading/writing group. Surely there must be a group you can join where you can pursue an interest. Some people are false friends, unfortunately. I know how you feel, I didn't have a car and was stuck in the middle of nowhere, I was at home when at uni so couldn't participate in the life of students as I was commuting to other town... Things picked up when I found really special people in my village who loved music and played guitar beautifully. They were open minded and I had a great time with them.

Sometimes you can get good friends from internet forums, too, especially if they live close by.

Tinfoil Tue 04-Aug-09 04:11:56

Could you join some of the university clubs or societies? Do some of them meet in the daytime or early evenings? You could make new friends without having to go clubbing at night.

Could you tell your friend how you feel? Maybe she doesn't realise she has upset you, and won't know unless you tell her?

LollipopViolet Wed 05-Aug-09 18:49:19

Well I'm very tempted by the Ski and Snowboard club, because it seems all they do is meet occasionally and do daytrips to Tamworth Snowdome, or holidays!

I'm much calmer now, but am taking a break from my mates, just for a bit of relaxation lol

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