to not want to be used as some sort of taxi driver?(21 Posts)
I live in a rural area, where most of my friends are SAHM's, and don't have the use of a car or can't drive. Consequently, I am constantly being asked if I will drive my friends to the supermarket, so they can fill my car up with a weekly shop, drive them to the town so they can pay their bills, take them to the dr's, playgroups etc etc.
I work from home, and being 'too busy' doesn't go down well.
I have 2DC, and I am getting fed up of being asked to transport my friends everywhere, because I have a car, and they do not.
Their DC leave sticky marks in my car, smear their muddy shoes up the back of my seats, leave half chewed sweets in the back, and my friends get rather irate and call me selfish when I say no, can't do it. They feel so entitled, that saying no doesn't go down well at all. How dare I ?
It is costing me a fortune too. While I sympathise with anyone who has to rely on public transport (which is ok where we are), I do not wish to spend my life ferrying other people around.
Does this mean I should get rid of my car, to solve the problem?
Or is there an easier/nice way to say no, to people who take the piss are constantly asking, simply because I do have a car?
BTW, I am happy to help in an emergency, but I don't rely on my friends every week, and don't expect them to rely on me as a form of unpaid taxi.
Has anyone else had this problem? And how did you deal with it?
tell em to do one- seriously to not even offer you petrol is rude. I work from home and the fact is you are still at WORK. grr
Yanbu at all!
i dont drive but i wouldnt expect my friends to take me everywhere to do my daily chores :\
they are expecting too much and being rude to get annoyed if you can't do it.
they need to use public transport or else learn to drive themselves tbh, asking once in a while or for an emergency would be dif but it seems they r taking the p, and using you, then taking it for granted - pretty rude!
give them the # of a local taxi firm and tell them to use that?
No don't get rid of your car! Why should you suffer?
Might sound harsh but these people have made the choice to have children and live where they do so shouldn't expect you to run around after them.
I haven't got much advice to offer other than stopping completely, or by saying you are only available on a certain day/time so it doesn't take over your life too. Also say that you can't afford to anymore and maybe they'll offer to fork out.
i would just be honest and say in this economic climate you need to cut down on petrol expediture, at least that way they may offer you petrol. I would also just say sorry but im busy. sometimes you have to stick up for yourselves, if they do one because of this they arent really very good friends ( i am a non driver, so i know how much of a pain it can be and am lucky that DP drives but i would never treat a friend like this!)
Tell them there is this new thing called THE INTERNET. And you can get SHOPPING DELIVERED and do ONLINE BANKING.
Thank you so much for all your replies.
I really don't mind in an emergency, although I get the impression that what my friends consider an emergency isn't what I consider an emergency.
I am not a very confrontational person, but in this situation, it is doing me no favours. I have been in a situation where I was only popping to the shop to pick up milk, and had to wait while my friend trawled the entire supermarket doing her weekly shop. I said I was only popping out for milk, but I can't leave my friend alone in the shop when I realise she is taking the p.
My friends usually offer me petrol money, then it doesn't get mentioned again, and it never materialises.
giraffes Most of my friends will shop online, but if I am in, and my car is on the drive, or they see me online, they will expect me to take them myself, because its more convenient, and they save the delivery charges, and the prospect of not knowing what substitutes the supermarket have given them.
It makes me so angry, and of course, I don't want to go off the deep end and start screaming and shouting like a fishwife ----
Any more ideas on the most direct but tactful way to deal with it?
What do I say?
Do you shop online or go to the supermarket? If you go to the supermarket for a big shop I would offer that time, on that day, only. I would also when they offer the petrol money say "yes please, I need X" - then make sure you ask again when you drop them home. But mostly I would practice saying NO. I think they are completely taking the piss. It would fark me off royally if a friend saw I was online and said "can you take me to the shops?" - if they are a friend and see you online the most they should say is "free for a cuppa? your place or mine?" - honestly, they are doing it because they CAN and it's now a habit - change it for them!
"im sorry but i cant afford to keep taking you places, you are welcome to come with me if i need to go but other than that my finances cannot stretch to accomodate you, also please realise that with working and having small children my time is precious, so when you do come places with me you will need to stick to my schedule or make your own way home" perfectly direct etc and reasonable
thanks so much
I will have to be strong
But theres some great ideas for what to say here.
Thanks so much
weegle I drive to the supermarket, and do my shopping there. I really don't mind picking my friends up milk, or bread etc, but when I go shopping, they expect to do their weekly shop too. I can't fit it all in, and invariably, its mine that gets squashed.
I guess I am just a big wimp.
I just dont feel respected by these friends that do this to me.
They are ok on their own, but when a few of them get together, they tend to sneer at what I have too. (Most of us are single mums, and they dont get the family support I do, nor do they have any work )
hmm sounds like this is part of a bigger respect issue then. its not the sort of crap i would take and doesnt sound very friendly !
Get one of these installed and tell them you charge double fare evenings and weekends, and the meter will be left running while they're in the shop.
It will either stop them or because a nice wee second income for you!
Why are you friends with these people? They take advantage of you and they sneer at you!
I'd be interested to know what would happen if you told them your car had broken down and would be off the road for a few weeks.
I wonder if they'd even be in touch with you?
Hecates I have had to go without a car before, and my friends still come to see me, and invite me round, but they rely on other friends then to ferry them around.
I'm not sure if this makes it worse. One woman in our circle who ferries them around works fulltime with 3DC. I have been told that if she can do it, why can't I? Since she has 3DC and a full time job.
My friends say this is what being a friend is, helping out other friends who haven't got what you have.
IMO a cup of sugar once in a blue moon (I've asked once for a cup of sugar in 5 yrs) is not the same as weekly trips out with their sticky fingered, muddy booted DC in my car.
yuo have got to say that you cannot afford it. And if they offer petrol say thank you and that you will go to petrol station before taking them to wherever, so you can put it in the tank because you are low.
and stop at the petrol station.
and fuel up.
and get back in the car and look at them!
Don't be subtle!
Personally I think they are taking the piss. It's one thing to ask a favour, it's another to expect someone to be at your beck and call and get arsy with them if they dare to say no!
oh, meant to add that if they know they will have to put fuel in the car in advance of each and every trip, they might take the hint!!
oh, and another thing. Keep some babywipes in the car and at the end of each trip, pass them back and say "would you clean up your little X'x mess please."
I shall take everyone's advice on here, because tbh I am really tired of feeling so resentful.
These people are not really good friends. It sounds as if they are using you are taking your kindness for granted. It is not your fault that they are single mums/ don't drive/ don't have family support. They have made their choices and should be responsible for themselves and their children. You also have to work to support your family during the day and spend time with your children. Do you really need friends who treat you in this way and seem to be giving little back to the friendship?
Next time your asked for a lift I would say yes and send a taxi round, they might get the message. I mean do you really need friends liek this that dont respect you, take the piss and have the nerve to say your unreasonably not too?
What do you get from the relationship ? I would be tempted to take you DC's round say "Oh I know your at home doing nothing, and I have to work, so would you be a love and childmind.. for free"
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.