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or is DH?

(22 Posts)
Confuzzeled Fri 31-Jul-09 17:20:33

I'm 37 weeks pregnant today with 2nd lo.

I have allot of excess fluid around the baby (been checked and they can't see why) but it is common for polyhydramnios ladies to pop early. It can also be risky because the cord may prolapse.

Dh and I own a small retail store and he needs to go see next seasons clothes before he can do his orders. He has made appointments in a city 4 hours drive away and intends staying there for 2 nights. This is his only chance to see the lines otherwise he'll be ordering blind. Our shop manager is away on holiday and there is nobody else to take his place. He is also planning a day trip to London which is a further 3 hours away.

He intends to go on the 10th, 11th and day trip to London on the 12th. My due date is 21st.

I have told him I'm anxious about him going away and not very happy about it. He says there is nothing he can do, he has to go.

Am I being unreasonable to think that 4 hours may not be enough time for him to get back to me if labour starts.

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 31-Jul-09 17:22:19

Message withdrawn

rubyslippers Fri 31-Jul-09 17:22:44

hmmm ... you are still 10 days away from your due date assuming you have the baby on time

do you have a friend/family member/neighbour who can be on stand by

it does sound like he has an important job to do

diedandgonetodevon Fri 31-Jul-09 17:23:25

I don't know if either of you ABU but I understand why you feel he shouldn't go.

Does you shop need the new lines? If the answer is yes, he's going to have to go if you have no one to send in his place.

Can you have a back-up-plan incase you go into labour and he is away? Someone else who can be with you until he gets back?

diedandgonetodevon Fri 31-Jul-09 17:23:54

your shop

foofi Fri 31-Jul-09 17:25:13

I can understand you being nervous but I don't think he is being unreasonable.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 31-Jul-09 17:26:05

I can understand you not wanting him to go, but equally he does need to make this trip. Can he bring it forward at all?

I would have a think about who your backup birth partner is too, just in case.

Confuzzeled Fri 31-Jul-09 17:31:17

My back up birth partner is my sister and she lives 2 hours away, so maybe I need someone closer. I don't have any close friends who have kids and not sure I could put any of my childless friends through it

This is the only time he can go and we do need to order for next season, so I understand his point. I'm just scared because of the risk that I'll go early (I'm measuring 8 weeks larger than dates, as I said it mostly fluid).

I don't know a huge amount about polyhydramnios and if it can speed up labour.

Is it selfish to want dh there, would he regret it, would I forgive him if he wasn't?

MitchyInge Fri 31-Jul-09 17:32:26

neither of you are being unreasonable - do you have someone else you can call if necessary, family or friends who can care for your first child/support you during labour?

proverbial Fri 31-Jul-09 17:32:48

Yanbu, but neither is he. Does he really have any option but to go? If he doesn't then there isn't much you can do and there is no point fighting about it, better just to hope for the best.

CarmenSanDiego Fri 31-Jul-09 17:34:04

Might a doula be possibility?

Confuzzeled Fri 31-Jul-09 17:34:58

How much do doula's cost?

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Fri 31-Jul-09 17:36:29

I think YANBU to be worried about him getting back in time, but I am not sure there is a lot he can do about it sad. At least he will be back for it, even if misses the actual birth (which I do agree is not ideal at all). I bet he is gutted too?

A friend of mine's Dp is unfortunately working away and he just cannot leave his work to come back for the birth otherwise he risks losing a big contract that they are relying on - first baby. And he is unlikely to be back for at least the first week.

Confuzzeled Fri 31-Jul-09 17:39:08

Pav, I feel sorry for your friend, if it was my first I'd be very scared.

skybright Fri 31-Jul-09 17:39:43

How quick was your first labour confuzzeled?

Confuzzeled Fri 31-Jul-09 17:45:17

Had a sweep at noon, first twinges at 1pm, was 2cm dilated at 5am, water broke and was 9cm at 7.30am, dd born at 10.30am.

I dilated very quickly and my MW said that second time round it's usually quicker. I had loads of early pain last time and I wonder if I'll get that much warning again.

I guess I am being unreasonable but thats why I asked on here first before I screamed at dh "How dare you leave me in my time of need!"

I'm so hormonal and since he buggered off to Canada for 2 weeks when I was 33 weeks pregnant, then came back with swine flu so me and dd had to move out the house, he's low on brownie points hmm

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Fri 31-Jul-09 17:45:39

Yes, she is very down about it. Her mum is coming down but not til couple of days before, so she is nervous about what might happen if she is not here in time (travelling from another part of the country) Luckily she has several people who can be there if needed.

skybright Fri 31-Jul-09 17:52:45

Hopefully it would be fine and you would get a bit of warning,it is so hard to judge though,your on pins for weeks. Then you end up being late with an eight hour labour shock

I would phone at the slightest pain that makes you worried,have you got someone to look after your DD?

duchesse Fri 31-Jul-09 17:56:59

I do think you are being a bit unreasonable and possibly a little (understandably) hormonal... The business has to keep going, more particularly if you're about to have another baby. As you say, he needs to go to see what he's ordering. Surely much better to go at 38 weeks than 40?

fwiw, I sent my husband away for two weeks to Canada when I was 32 weeks pregnant. It was hard, but I'm glad that one of us managed a holiday this year, especially as his air ticket was paid by his work (he went to a conference in the first week).

I know it's hard to contemplate, but you are fairly unlikely to go into labour just when he's away, particularly if you have no history of early labour.

purpleduck Fri 31-Jul-09 17:57:48

You are in a sucky situation, but neither of YABU

CarmenSanDiego Fri 31-Jul-09 18:03:24

Not sure how much doulas cost in the UK - here it's about $500-$600 depending on experience. But if they're in training, they may be willing to do it very cheap or possibly free as they need to attend births before they get their final certification.

A doula came to my last birth with the midwife and she was amazing - I'm a convert!

Henry73 Mon 07-Sep-09 12:09:15


Doulas here cost from £150 to £800. It depends on the experience and whet the Doula offers as part of her sevice! Have a look at the Doula UK web site! Good luck! x

Ema x

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