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Following on from the discipline threads....how would YOU tell off or admonish another child.

(48 Posts)
herestoabetterfuture Fri 31-Jul-09 07:51:22

This is quite an interesting subject.

How would you talk to another child who is doing something perhaps they shouldn't?

i.e.
a)about to run across a road

b)hitting your child

c)hitting another child who is not your own but you can see

d)playing roughly with other children

I think I wouldn't necessarily shout at them (unless they were much older/bigger etc) but perhaps say "don't do that please...you could hurt [insert childs name]" or "oh dear be careful' or 'DONT HIT!'

Then again, who knows, if you see your child getting hurt it's like a red rag to a bull!

Mumcentreplus Fri 31-Jul-09 07:58:22

I could never shout at another persons child even if I feel like it grin.. I do the 'mum voice' of course and say similar to what you mentioned..might throw in a 'lets play nicely or thats not kind is it?..but child are children..they may not even realise they have hurt your child..or you never know what your child was doing when you looked away...so i never go in guns blazing unless there is history..

Goblinchild Fri 31-Jul-09 08:00:04

And if you were the parent of a child with special needs, how would you respond to other children hurting, taunting or teasing your child?
Whether they had intent to harm or not?
Hi HTABF!

herestoabetterfuture Fri 31-Jul-09 08:03:31

Hi mumcentre - I agree with you entirely (as I know DD has been a hitter once or twice!!)

Hi goblin can't quite talk properly....too much gin...

Picante Fri 31-Jul-09 08:13:15

Sorry but I'd let my temper get the better of me if they were hitting my child.

All the others I'd probably manage to be more restrained.

Mumcentreplus Fri 31-Jul-09 08:15:53

Goblin I would like to think I would probably respond in the same way (whilst actively trying not to squeeze the life out of the little blighters) smile because I'm just guessing as i have no real-life experience...I would also probably dependant upon age give them a detailed 'chat' about their behaviour and if they thought it was sensible or kind..obviously if it was possible..I would definately pick my battles as I would now..

EustaciaVye Fri 31-Jul-09 08:18:41

I have raised my voice at a friends child, but we have discussed it before and I know she is ok with it.

a) would shout stop.
b) would raise voice and tell them to play nicely, telling the mum if she was there.
c) as above
d) would encourage nice play or mention it to the mum.

EustaciaVye Fri 31-Jul-09 08:25:53

Have just gone on and read the AIBU that propmted this. It is interesting.

blowbroth Fri 31-Jul-09 08:28:19

I think all children need to know that when an adult is'telling them off' it's ok. Why are we all pussy footing around when children are clearly doing something wrong.
As they get older they find different ways to reacting to 'being told off' , things like tipping bleach over you if you ask them to be quiet in the cinema. news
They need to be told as they are growing up.
Sorry to be so harsh but this topic really gets to me and I think we can all help.

herestoabetterfuture Fri 31-Jul-09 08:29:55

So what would you all do if.....

A child was playing roughly with your child or being a little bit OTT. You're in a busy park and you can't see the mum and you need to deal with the situation now.

You've said to the child play nicely.....would you judge the mum for a) not being on the scene immediately b) judge what kind of parenting she carries out because she wasn't present at that second? (without knowing anything about her)

I'm just interested because there seems to be a lot of judgement about parenting on MN and I"m interested.....

Mumcentreplus Fri 31-Jul-09 08:32:37

I have raised my voice to close friends children..usually my own are in the mix too and I'm shouting at the lot of them! grin..and obviously my nieces and nephews may get a raised voice..but rarely

herestoabetterfuture Fri 31-Jul-09 08:33:02

blowbroth, I know, I read that story. It's awful.

I'm not against people not even telling other children off, but pointing them in the right direction (alright softly telling them off like the OP on the other thread) but I"m really interested in the judgement of the parents?

I think it goes much deeper than just the parents. Yes the responsibility lies primarily at the feet of the parents, but there are others in society who can help too. So if as another parent you step in, perhaps you are helping. But the judgement of the parent in question doesn't really help.

Does that make sense?

Mumcentreplus Fri 31-Jul-09 08:47:34

Depends heres..tbh I'm a relaxed parent..if you can't see the parent then obviously unless she has abandoned her child she probably is with another child somewhere or around..so i would parent that child until she came or look around for him/her ask the child where their parent is etc..I rarely judge other parents because you can turn your head for a minute and your child is off somewhere..now if the parent actively saw my child was being hurt by their child and just sat there..I would be thinking wth?..and then i would deal with the situation..

saintlydamemrsturnip Fri 31-Jul-09 08:52:27

The one thing I don't know how to deal with is NT kids copying my severely autistic 10 year old's noises. They do it a lot giggling at the same time. I hate it (ds1 doesn't appear to notice, but ds2 and ds3 do if they are with me and they get embarrassed). I usually just scoop ds1 up, but I suppose I should say 'don't do that it's not nice' or something.

EustaciaVye Fri 31-Jul-09 08:53:15

herestoabetterfuture - I might judge the parent but it would depend entirely on the age of the children - mine and theirs.

If we're talking 2,3,4 year olds then it happens and you deal with it.

If their child was older and mine younger then I'd be a bit peeved, but mainly as an older child rought to a younger children's environment should be aware of the littlies.

If all the children were older then I'd like to see the kids try and sort it out themselves.

I do think however, that the majority of us just do the best we can.

EustaciaVye Fri 31-Jul-09 08:57:07

saintly - that must be hard. fwiw - if my kids did that then we'd talk about why it wasnt nce to do. if i wasnt there i would have no problem with you saying to my kids that yes, your child behaves differently but that is no reason to tease.

Stigaloid Fri 31-Jul-09 09:00:18

I would tell them off exactly how i tell my own child off.

seeker Fri 31-Jul-09 09:00:32

I think the responsibility for dealing with the situation rest with the adult who is actually there. I wouldn't tell off a child I didn't know, but I would ask them to stop doing something that was hurting or upsetting another child or was putting anyone including themselves in danger. And even if the parent was in sight, I wouldn't involve them unless it was really serious. Who wants to escalate a situation? Remind the child to play nicely/not hit/share/play with chainsaws/whatever it is/ and move on.

Mumcentreplus Fri 31-Jul-09 09:03:01

EustaciaVye you're right it does also depend on the age of the children..if they are older and the same age I tend to let them get on with it too..

piscesmoon Fri 31-Jul-09 09:21:05

I would go for 'the look' first-it can be quite effective.
If it doesn't work I would say something, but I wouldn't shout, or jump in without the full facts,I would just speak calmly but as if I expected to be taken notice of. I think it is very important for DCs to know that adults will say something.
I would only tend to do it if they were seriously annoying in some way or hurting someone-otherwise I would leave them to sort it out for themselves. It is just as bad to be over protective of your own DC, because they never learn their own strategies.
I get very riled by DCs saying 'you can't tell me off, you are not my mum' (although they have never done it to me)and I don't think parents should give them that idea as it is nonsense! Other adults can and will.

Goblinchild Fri 31-Jul-09 09:24:43

Sometimes people think I'm being an over-protective mother when I step in and sort out my boy.
What they often don't realise is the child I am protecting is theirs. smile

bumpsoon Fri 31-Jul-09 09:38:30

depends on the age of the child ,how well i knew them ,how dangerous they were being etc. If a child is in my care then they get the same telling off mine would in the same circumstances iyswim. If it was a child i didnt know then i too adopt the mum voice .I personally dont have an issue with other people telling my children off if they see something i havent ,for instance if they are playing out .I think its good for children to understand boundaries arnt just in the home environment and aply everywhere there are adults smile

yama Fri 31-Jul-09 09:44:09

I didn't read the other thread.

What always works for me is to say rather sternly:

"Your Mum wouldn't want you to [insert behaviour]".

Mind you I say what 'always' works but I have rarely had to have words with someone else's child.

yama Fri 31-Jul-09 09:47:56

If I didn't know the child I would approach differently. For example, at the park if older boys are bullying dd I will stand near them and say "DD, I'm watching you - are you okay?"

A shot across the bow if you like.

wingandprayer Fri 31-Jul-09 09:51:40

This is interesting debate. DH told off two boys on saturday at a park because they were chasing a mother duck and ten ducklings and trying to seperate them. Think he said oi, stop it, that's mean and they did but gave him some right evils and ran and told their mum. She looked around to see who they meant but didn't do anything. We did judge her then because she was only feet away yet had not stepped in to stop her sons causing animals distress. But I'll admit I was very wary when DH said he was going to say something in case it all kicked off.

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