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to think that DH should be a bit more concerned...?

(8 Posts)
misspollysdolly Tue 28-Jul-09 16:10:53

I'm a bit poorly sad - went to see my GP yesterday who has given me meds for horrible conjunctivitis in my left eye and tonsillitis but also expressed some concern that I may have glandular fever since my glands are so painful and swollen. - Am taking the antibiotics he gave me and just praying it's not that - not during the school hols with three DCs at home needing my attention.

Anyway, DH has not expressed any particular concern about this. Was a bit surprised by the GP's diagnosis and level of concern and is behaving a bit like he doesn't quite know what to do or say, but has actually not made me feel that in anyway he is worried that I am feeling (and frankly looking) so rough. I just want to be a bit looked after, and really would like him to take a bit of time off work so that I can rest and look after myself. The more he doesn't offer this or express care/concern, the more awful I feel sad. AIBU? or Am I just being a bit pathetic?!

rubyslippers Tue 28-Jul-09 16:13:09

have you asked him if he can take a day off for you to try to recover?

franklymydear Tue 28-Jul-09 16:14:33

you are being reasonably pathetic

you need to look him in the eye and croak that you need more empathy and care and that you're feeling lousy

Spidermama Tue 28-Jul-09 16:15:02

I think you need to be clearer with him and spell out what you want. He can't be expected to pick this up and notice independently. He's only a man after all. wink

You are clearly worried and clearly feeling under stress. Perhaps your immune system is compromised and you are picking up these ailments, or maybe you do indeed have glandular fever. Either way, you need a bit of help and looking after so tell him.

misspollysdolly Tue 28-Jul-09 16:18:33

I haven't asked him this directly yet no. I find it really ard to out my own needs first - he does know I find this hard - and generally do not lend myself to being an easy patient. I aked him if he could be home a bit early today and this clearly didn't go down too well and he was quite non-committal. Maybe it's harder to get away early than it is to just not go in at all for the day...?! We were away on holiday all last week so I can also appreciate that my (completely unintentional) timing isn't brilliant as he's only just back at work. I know I'm being unreasoable to epect things of him that I simply haven't asked him to do, but it is upsetting that he hasn't offered to look after me a bit more.

franklymydear Tue 28-Jul-09 16:21:05

I think it is normally best to assume that the majority of males have the emotional intelligence of a small gnat

Spidermama Tue 28-Jul-09 16:26:18

I think you really need to spell it out for him.

Presumably he has some holiday left to take? Or are people allowed days off for family illness etc? (I'm freelance so this side of things is a bit mysterious to me).

I think you need to try not to feel hurt that he hasn't noticed or worked it out for himself. We must remember men really don't think like we do on the whole. They don't pick up signals and lack the sensitivity we have.

So you need to tell him how bad you feel, tell him you need him at home for a bit to give you a rest and start the negotiations. You can tell him its an investment in your long term health because it sounds to me like you need to take the time off, refuel a bit, in order to feel better sooner.

LisaD1 Tue 28-Jul-09 18:51:01

I think you should tell him how you feel and that you need him to take the day off. I recently had swine flu and was really ill/weak but because I didn't ask my hubby to stay home he assumed I was ok and went to work leaving me to carry on looking after2 DC's! I ended up with a chest infection as I didn't take the time to fully rest and am now on antibiotics and under strict instructions to rest! I eventually asked hubby to take a day off and it's made a massive difference.

Hope you feel better soon

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