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Should I apologise and just move on?

(9 Posts)
QueenNeurosis Mon 27-Jul-09 11:25:48

Really would appreciate your ideas...

I have a friend of years and years who really has had a run of bad luck. I'm incredibly fond of her but because of some of the things she has to contend with, she doesn't half dictate the mood when we go out for the evening sometimes. She's married to a really great guy who, from the outside appears rather put-upon but I respect that from you can never tell what really goes on within a marriage.

Anyway - a few months ago we were due to go out for dinner with then. There was a bit of a hoo-ha regarding us meeting first because my friend was clearly having one of those days but, to be honest, so had my partner and I and we were really really knackered, having had a few strained converations with them prior to that night and both having just come from work. When we finally met up she was being a bit petulant and wasn't being very respectful towards her husband. Don't want to go into too much detail but one of things she said to him was a bit shocking and my husband and I both reacted negatively - in shock, I think, rather than the softly softly diplomacy we usually play by. Realising what had happened, partner and I then very quickly tried to backtrack and smooth it all over.

The atmosephere then went very cold. My husband and I went into the restaurant first and grabbed a table. And waited. And waited. They didn't arrive. After half an hour we went outside to see where they were. They'd gone.

When we got home the husband texted to say they had things to talk about between themselves. My friend then tried to call me several times but seeing as it was now so late I didn't reply. A number of emotional(ly blackmailing) texts then arrived which I ignored.

My partner has seen the husband and they haven't mentioned it. I haven't seen the friend and am starting to feel that it's just time to draw a line and move on but I can't help feeling that there's been no accountability. I'm not an idiot and I don't like being treated like one. If I spoke to her, though, it would absolutely kill her. AIBU? Thanks so much.

MoontheMightyThreadKiller Mon 27-Jul-09 11:50:23

It sounds like your freind is about 5.

How bloody rude not to come into the restaurant and just leave you sitting there. OK, maybe you shouldn't have responded to her comments but then she shouldn't have put you in that situation in the first place.

She needs to apologise for her behaviour, perhaps suggest a lunchtime meet and explain how her behaviour is affecting your friendship.

yama Mon 27-Jul-09 11:56:59

Didn't she try and phone you that night? Perhaps your 'no accoutability' feeling is a bit unfair given that they both attempted contact.

I would always forgive.

QueenNeurosis Mon 27-Jul-09 12:03:02

You're right and I think that's what I'm erring towards... it was around eleven when she tried to call... again and again and I was knackered. Her messages were also v distressed and implied that she was ringing to be reassured - knew I'd've been honest that night because I was so peed off and it would've broken her that night.

Not trying to make excuses. Posted here because I want honest impartial advice and am thinking now will give her a call an invite her to lunch.

yama Mon 27-Jul-09 12:04:59

I bet she'll appreciate it. smile

QueenNeurosis Mon 27-Jul-09 12:08:54

And explain that I'm peed off or just move on, do you reckon?

MoontheMightyThreadKiller Mon 27-Jul-09 12:17:02

Explain how awkward and embarassing it was.

stillstanding Mon 27-Jul-09 12:23:26

Personally I find it difficult to move on when I haven't had the chance to explain why I was pissed off. She knows there was an issue and so I would be tempted to call her, say that you miss her and wanted to catch up but felt that there was this tension over the hooha etc and that you were a bit upset about it all.

yama Mon 27-Jul-09 12:39:08

I'm more a 'pretend it never happened' kind of person.

I'm sure she'll know that they were out of order and appreciate the forgiveness.

No need for an awkward chat if you don't want one.

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