TELLING MY SISTER SHES A F*****G CUN* AND TO STAY AWAY FROM MY KIDS

[FortyDegrees]

YESTERDAY I LET MY SON STAY AT MY SISTERS HOUSE WITH HIS COUZINS SO THEY COULD HAVE A BBQ AND HAVE A SLEEP OVER. LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT THE NEIGHBOURHOOD BULLY WAS GOING WHO HAS TAKEN AN EXTREME DISLIKE TO DS AND PICKS ON HIM AT EVERY OPPERTUNITY. MY SISTER KNOWS THAT WE HAVE HAD PROBLEMS WITH THIS BOY AS WE ALL LIVE WTHIN A 10MIN WALK OF EACH OTHER. I REALLY DONT KNOW WHY SHE INVITED HIM AS WELL AS DS??

NOW I WOULDNT OF BEEN ANGRY IF SHE HADNT OF KNOWN BUT SHE DEFINATLY DOES KNOW. AND I WOULDNT OF BEEN ANGRY IF MY SON HADNT COME HOME TODAY WITH A MASSIVE SCRATCH DOWN HIS BACK AND LOTS OF HIS LEGS HE ALSO HAS SOME ON THE BACK OF HIS NECK AND A LUMP ON HIS HEAD.

THAT IS NOT THE WORST BIT

DS HAD GONE TO MY SISTER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND TOLD HER HE WANTED TO GO HOME BECAUSE HE WAS GETTING HIT AND HE TOLD HIM TO STOP BEING A BABY N GET BACK IN THE TENT OR HE WASNT SLEEPING OVER AGAIN I AM UTTERLY FURIOUS SHE COULD OF EASILY RUNG ME SHE KNOWS I WOULDNT MIND GETTING MY DS I CANT BELEIVE IT

I TRIED SPEAKING TO HER TODAY AND SHE WAS HAVING NONE OF T. SO I COMPLETELY LOST MY TEMPER SWORE OBSENTIES AT HER AND STORMED OFF. WABU???

[imbored]

i totally agree with you, i wouldnt speak to her again ever,also think i would do a bit more to her then swear. i would also look into reporting her as she was in charge of the children and she never done her job. feel for your poor baby

[Alambil]

who on earth would you report her to?!

YANBU to be angry that she didn't listen to your DS but I think you could have approached her in a different way. How has calling her filthy obscenities helped? The lines of communication are now broken and she probably thinks you're totally over-the-top...

Perhaps you should apologise for losing your rag and see if she'll accept some responsibility, or else re-think the sleep-over situation in future

[imbored]

no totally dont agree, why should op apologise???
o.p can report her to the police! her ds has came home with injuries.
or i'd do the same to my sister as d.s had done to him, at her house!!
o.p's sister should of been looking after o.p's child.

[Qally]

But the injuries weren't caused by the sister, so the police can't do anything to her, and they are completely unlikely to intervene in a kids' squabble unless serious physical harm resulted and the bully is over 10. It's disproportionate - wrong as the sister's behaviour was, it isn't criminal, and the bully is just a child.

OP, in your position I'd be every bit as steaming angry as you are and I'd probably also have lost my rag, but I agree with LewisFan that your sis probably reacted so sniffily because she felt defensive - probably knows she's in the wrong over it. Perhaps apologising for how you spoke to her (NOT how you feel, or bringing it up) might mean she could apologise in turn for being so crap at protecting him from the bully? I'd not want my child staying at her place again, either, no matter what she said, but a full-scale family feud is generally best avoided, if at all possible. Too many other people to get hurt.

She owes your poor ds an apology, though. How's he doing today?

[junglist1]

What's wrong with her? Especially as it wasn't even in the house it was in a tent where your DS was isolated with the little "so and so". I would have done my nut. Doesn't she have any protective instincts over her own flesh and blood?

[spookycharlotte121]

Have you thought about approaching the bullies parents and speaking to them or perhaps writing them a polite letter informing them of how their son is behaving towards your ds.

I dont think you want to fall out with your sister, I understand why your mad, I would be too but perhaps trying to mend bridges between you two wouldnt be a bad idea and might help her to understand why you are so upset.

[sherazade]

seems like misdirected anger to me. i'd be furious but rather than ringing HER up- clearly she isnt bothered, i'd visit the parents of the bully and sort this out properly. your poor ds.

[flaminhell]

She is a complete prat, and tbh she must be a lazy one as well if she didnt go down stairs and sort out the problem in the middle of the night.

I would have said the same, acted the same and would feel the same, but I would go talk to the parents of the kid, they are the ones who have the chance of getting through to him.

But your sister is in the wrong and I personally would have given her a slap.

[MadameCastafiore]

I don't think ranting and swearing or slapping someone would be a good way of trying to clear up the on going issue - I think you need to sit down and speak to the bully's parents. Try and do it calmly and not use such disgusting language though because if you came to my door swearing like that you would get it immediately shut in your face.

And for those saying you should slap someone else how do you equate that with the way you bring up your children or are you one of those wonderful parents who tell your children to slap back too?

[MadameCastafiore]

Seriously do people go around telling other people that they are f*king c*ts?

I would cringe at a drunken man calling another man that but 2 sisters?

What must your children think?

[lilymolly]

could not agree more madame

[OnlyWantsOne]

YANBU

...she has shown no regard for your or your poor poor DS's feelings, nasty old cow emoticon

poor DS, poor you too -

madamecastafiore if the occasion should warrant it, then yes, people do.

(no to the slapping though - we're not 2, we know better)

I agree with flaminhell you should talk to the parents of the problem child, no shouting - just tell them you have concerns. Does your DS and this other kid attend the same school / club? Maybe you could find some one impartial, (teacher?) to talk to them on your behalf...

but do not call them f*cking see you next tuesdays...

[SerendipitousHarlot]

I can understand why you're upset about your DS of course. But to call your own sister a cunt? That's disgusting. And I swear like a navvy.

[SerendipitousHarlot]

Reality, I WANTED TO SAY THAT!!!

But I was afraid she'd call me a motherf*cker

[KiwiKat]

I'd be furious too, and I think you're completely right to have her up about it. I'd have chosen different language, but when you're in the heat of 'defensive mother' mode and also feel that you've been betrayed by your own family, that's most likely the last thing on your mind.

I'd leave her well alone for a while to let things calm down between you, but I'd certainly speak to the parents of the bully now.

Try to keep emotions out of it, as they'll be feeling defensive too, and you want to find a solution to the situation between your children, rather than apportion blame.

So sorry that this has happened to your ds, and also to you.

[FranSanDisco]

Madame, what is wrong with telling a child who is being hit to hit back in defence?

[letsgostrawberrypicking]

exactly what Kiwikat said

[MadameCastafiore]

Fransandisco

It is not something I would ever teach my child to do. It is totally wrong to hit someone and in very few circumstances would it actually solve anything.

And I think it is actually pretty impossible to hit back in defence. You raise your arms to defend yourself, hitting back IMO is not defending yourself.

Violence and using swear words are ways some people express their feelings as they have not the self awareness to sit down and understand their feelings and think of a socially and morally acceptable way to resolve a situation.

[canttouchthis]

YOU ARE SO NOT BEING UNREASONABLE, LIKE!

Joking aside, I'd say that don't have your son over at your sister's again - unless you are there to supervise. That way no one gets the blame. Simple as.

[edam]

I would always encourage walking/running away rather than hitting back where possible. But if the child is being forced (by an adult, FGS) as in this case, to stay within reach of the bully, I think they are entirely justified in hitting back. In those circs. it IS self-defence.

OP, perhaps not the best post in the world, but I can see why you are furious and I would be too.

Perhaps explain to your son that Auntie X was wrong to make him stay in the tent and that you won't be allowing him to stay over again until it's sorted out - so he knows you are protecting him rather than punishing him.