I look like a fat frumpy version of vic reeves really. [sorry vic]
I used to be really quite sexy, always a little on the large side (huge bust) but happy with that. To be honest, i don't have so much of a problem with my body, its more my face, well, the whole package really.
How can i look SO different? I'm fat, my hair is lank and greasy (no matter how often i wash it), my skin is awful - it looks dirty all the time. I have excessive facial hair which i waxed off yesterday - ouch! But really, why bother - honestly, i know this seems pathetic, but i really think i am actually ugly.
DP and i hardly have sex any more. I used to do sexy dances for him, i have caught myself doing this lately and thought "what the fuck are you doing?" It doesn't elicit the same _response as it used to, thats for sure - i wonder if it actually turns his stomach.
I know peope will come on here and say - go on a diet, get some exercise, get your hair cut etc, but i just can't see the point - none of that will change my face.
Im just bein realistic, im not attractive any more. There must be other women who feel the same, who are resigned to not being attractive and you see them, plain clothes, comfy shoes - well thats me, all my clothes come from charity shops, i pay alot for my shoes, relatively, because i like comfy shoes.
Its not like im really old, im only 39 i know women older than me who really look good. My friends are pretty, i often wonder why they associate with me - i must make them feel ill.
The thing is, i DID use to be pretty, i was, i really was - had a good figure (if you like busty), i turned heads. I loved it too, christ i was vain - i often used to think i would get punished for it, now i think i was right - serves me right for thinking so much of myself.
I dont bother with nice clothes (cant afford it just now anyway), havent had my hair cut for over two years, possibly even longer. I did cut it myself once, just got hold of a handful and lopped it off. It didnt look too bad.
Dont get me wrong, im not doig the self pity thing, its almost cathartic to accept that my old sexual self is long gone and that i dont have to bother anymore.
AIBU?
To really hate the way i look
imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 25/07/2009 22:26
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