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To refuse to drive dd's friend home, as she lives 5 minutes walk away?

(51 Posts)
emsiewill Fri 24-Jul-09 18:31:20

Dd1's friend has just been round for the afternoon. She lives literally round the corner, admittedly up a hill, but she's 12 FGS, and not disabled, so is perfectly capable of walking.

When it came time for her to go home, she called her mother to come and fetch her as "I can't walk up the hill in these shoes".

Her mum came to pick her up, but there was a bit of confusion, and by the time dd's friend realised her mum had arrived (waiting in the car out of sight), the mum gave up waiting and left. When she realised what had happened, she drove back again to pick her up.

I now feel mean for not offering to take her home, but really, by the time I've got the car out of the drive, and got to her house, she would be more than halfway there.

I also never offer to pick dd up from their house for the same reason - and it's all downhill from theirs to ours, so even less need for a lift. This means that the friend's mum often ends up driving dd home, again, making me feel as though I'm putting her out.

What would you do? Do I really have to compromise my principles just to avoid social embarrassment?

LuluMaman Fri 24-Jul-09 18:33:01

i;d be more bothered that she is only 12 and is wearing shoes that make a 5 minute walk impossible.

YANBU, if she walks to you , she can walk home again

emsiewill Fri 24-Jul-09 18:33:55

Oh, and it's perfectly safe for her to walk home, I wouldn't expect it if it was dark, or absolutely pouring down with rain etc...I'm not completely unreasonable.

MIAonline Fri 24-Jul-09 18:35:55

YANBU, there is no need for a lift, don't give it. Stick to your principles.

What I would say is if you don't want to pick up your DD (quite rightly imo) then also teach your DD to not ask or refuse a lift from the other parent

slowreadingprogress Fri 24-Jul-09 18:36:07

of course yanbu at all

Agree with Lulu that at 12 she should be wearing shoes she can walk in!

emsiewill Fri 24-Jul-09 18:36:18

She was apparently wearing flat, black ballet pump style shoes hmm. Not sure how she got here tbh, her mum prob brought her...

It's more or less impossible to park outside our house (traffic lights and double yellows), so it's really inconvenient for her mother...

pointydog Fri 24-Jul-09 18:37:45

If her shoes were giving her gip - maybe blisters had developed or heels were raw - then I'd give her a lift, yes.

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 24-Jul-09 18:38:19

why didnt the friends mum knock on your door and collect her dd?

instead of hiding round corner in car hmm

and if your dd friend cant walk home in whatever shoes she is wearing, and it is a 5min walk - then she is in too high/unsuitable shoes for her age

emsiewill Fri 24-Jul-09 18:38:39

Yes, I have just had that conversation with dd, to say "no thanks, I'm happy to walk" when offered, but apparently the mother is often "going out anyway"...

Surely at 12, you would be keen to exercise your independence and be pleased to be able to get somewhere under your own steam? Or am I underestimating the laziness of "kids today"?!

emsiewill Fri 24-Jul-09 18:40:27

Not sure why she couldn't walk in the shoes, but didn't see any signs of pain when we were in the cinema, or after they had been walking round the shops all afternoon (& I picked them up from the retail park)

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Fri 24-Jul-09 18:41:54

Is your area a "safe" area? Maybe her mum is a bit overprotective and doesn't want her walking on her own - i wouldnt have a problem myself at aged 12, but i live in a small town - which is neither a rough area or the middle of nowhere so happy for DD of that age to walk home - not my DD mind, she is only four grin

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 24-Jul-09 18:43:53

is dd friend an only child? so mum is at her beck and call

emsiewill Fri 24-Jul-09 18:46:26

Yes, it's perfectly safe (see earlier post), and no, not an only child.

It's things like this that start making me think I am too harsh on my kids, but I am keen for them to be as independent as possible - I just don't see any benefit to mollycoddling them...

sunfleurs Fri 24-Jul-09 18:47:37

I would have given her a lift tbh and I would go and pick my dc up in the same situation.

Think I will be like this until one of my dc says "FGS Mum p*ss off you are cramping my style!"

CarGirl Fri 24-Jul-09 18:47:51


That sort of laziness drives me nuts.

pointydog Fri 24-Jul-09 18:51:20

How often does this girl ask for a lift? Is today a one-off? Maybe she has sore feet after walking round shops all afternoon.

ConvalescingCow Fri 24-Jul-09 18:53:13

Well it does seem strange - after all she isn't an only child, what other explantion could there be for this? If she were you would have yout explanation right there of course hmm

emsiewill Fri 24-Jul-09 18:53:27

But what if the child never tells you that you are cramping their style? Will you still be driving them everywhere when they are 25?

I am very clear on my feelings on what my children should and shouldn't expect, but my problem is how that then impacts on the social niceties of trying to make sure one parent doesn't end up doing all the running around - we do share lifts often with this family, as they live so close and the school is 12 miles away, so one family taking and one picking up is the sensible way to do it - however, I don't want to have to include lifts around the corner in my mental tally.

(Not sure that makes any sense except in my head!)

cat64 Fri 24-Jul-09 18:54:31

Message withdrawn

SolidGoldBrass Fri 24-Jul-09 18:55:09

SOunds like the other DD and her mum are of the mindset that walking is for losers and wierdos. DOn;t be too hard on your DD for accepting lifts home, it's quite difficult when you are 12 to refuse a persistent offer without worrying that you are being rude.

emsiewill Fri 24-Jul-09 18:55:14

Oh, and am certain I wouldn't be any different if dd was an only child, so agree that isn't really a realistic explanation...

emsiewill Fri 24-Jul-09 18:57:05

Yes, it does put my dd in a difficult situation, as long as she feels able to refuse politely once, then I don't have any problem with her "giving in" - it's the other mother I have a problem with really...

Metatron Fri 24-Jul-09 18:57:28

Whatever happened to walking your friends home halfway, gabbing for another half hour then phoning them as soon as you get in?

Stick to your guns
<wanders off muttering about mollycoddled youth of today smile>

pointydog Fri 24-Jul-09 18:57:53

How often does this girl ask for a lift? Is today a one-off?

emsiewill Fri 24-Jul-09 18:59:06

I did suggest dd walked her home, but dd didn't want to (that flippin' hill). Didn't want to make a big thing of it in front of the friend, so didn't push dd - she knows my feelings though.

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