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Sooo tired and DH out again tonight (bit lof a long whinge sorry)

(13 Posts)
babyignoramus Fri 24-Jul-09 08:31:03

Ok, so I don't normally moan about DH as he is a wonderful, wonderful husband and father and usually pulls his weight. But why is it that he feels comletely able to tell me he's going out rather than ask if it's ok?? He works in London and before DS he would usually give me a rundown each week of what nights he was out (he gets invited to functions as part of his job). No problem before DS but after he was born we agreed that he wouldn't go to all of them as I need help and obviously can't go out myself if he isn't here. However the last few weeks he seems to have attended everything!
He was out last night and is out again tonight - I am knackered, we have been busy the last two weekends and I feel exhausted. DH had something (poss swine flu) last week and I feel like I'm coming down with the same thing. He took over on Tues/Wed night so I could have 2 unbroken nights' sleep but I am still knackered which makes me more convinced that I am getting ill. (NB DS sleeps through but stirs a bit sometimes so DH didn't have to get up whereas it would have woken me).
The most annoying this is that he might get tickets to Wembley tonight through work. But either way they are going along and may end up watching the game in a pub. Which he could easily do in the pub next door and be home at a decent hour.
I know DH's theory is that he'd rather pay me back with nights off than miss out on these things but it can't always be reasonable for him to go out.
I know I will probably get a lie in tomorrow by way of payback but that doesn't stop feeling miserable at the thought of getting through today with a demanding child and virtually no energy!

Whinge over now. Please don't flame my DH too much, I love him really.

Cheepz Fri 24-Jul-09 08:39:45

my dh sounds very similar, works in london, has various functions, often feels its fine to let me know at 7 just as I expect him home something has come up and he is going to be out.

Used to be more of a problem when ds was smaller as I was like you tired, but now he is 2 and sleeping better he is asleep by 745 and then i make the most of having some time to myself.

That being said mon to thurs ds is in nursery so i have a break while at work and don't have to deal with a full day, when am home with ds for a day where i know dh will be late i just make sure we have plans with friends or an outing so i am not home alone all day which as you say is a daunting prospect.

i know i won't get my dh to change so i just find ways to enjoy me time - ds is out tonight and I have a date with SATC the movie!

SolidGoldBrass Fri 24-Jul-09 08:44:13

Have you actaully told him that you want him to go out a bit less for the moment? Because if you haven't, then it's not fair to expect him to read your mind. If you have said to him, look, I need you home 5 nights out of 7 at the moment while I am feeling ill and he has told you to get a grip, he'll come home when he wants to, then he is being unfair.

babyignoramus Fri 24-Jul-09 08:54:08

Solidgoldbrass, we have discussed this a lot - the problem is that he told about tonight's outing several days ago. I know full well if I called and demanded he come home, he would. But then I feel guilty for spoiling his night out.

I asked him the other day if he minded me going out for dinner - he said of course not, you don't have to ask me. To which I replied 'I would never go out leaving you with DS without making sure it was ok with you first'. He said 'point taken'. I think he knows he's taken the piss this week but I don't think his guilt can quite overcome his obsession with football!!

It wouldn't be such an issue but I've spent the last couple of days indoors as I can't be arsed to carry the buggy down the flat stairsdon't want to spread my potential germs.

girlsyearapart Fri 24-Jul-09 09:04:45

Yes know what you mean. I like the way DH tells me he isn't going to be in but I have to ask. Grr.
My dh is also lovely but works nights at least thu fri and sat so if I want to go anywhere on those nights i've got to organise babysitter/not get too drunk as will be up with them in the morning.. The other nights he may/may not be work,ing or going out so I can never plan anything in advance. My mates are all forward planners who don't all live nearby whereas his are all at the pub down the road.
If I suggest a night out he says no I have to work. This week we(me and dds) are away and guess what he's taking the night off on Saturday to go out with his mates!
Don't like to BU about it but does get irritating doesn't it?

Laquitar Fri 24-Jul-09 09:49:23

So he gives you next night off. Fair.

Also he tells you to go out and doesn't even want to be asked. Fair.

Where is the problem?

CyradisTheSeer Fri 24-Jul-09 09:54:44

Message withdrawn

babyignoramus Fri 24-Jul-09 09:58:43

Laquitar - the problem is that we agreed to discuss nights out etc. 'Discussing' has turned into him telling me which nights he is out. Also, one night out each a week has turned into 2 or 3 nights out for him and none for me because I end up so tired. Like I said, I don't normally mind but when he knows I'm feeling ill it would be nice if he just came home without me having to be the spoilsport who makes him. I realise that I'm just having a moan!

babyignoramus Fri 24-Jul-09 10:01:34

We don't get 'permission' from each other - if I want to go out I'll run it by him in case he's having a shit week or whatever and doesn't want to be left in sole charge. He's supposed to be giving me the same courtesy but just hasn't been doing it recently!

Laquitar Fri 24-Jul-09 10:07:10

but is 'none for you' because you don't want to. he doesn't stop you.
I just don't understand why after having children, both parents have to be home 7 nights a week. One parent can bath 1 child! As long as the parents take turns i dont see the need of both been there.

mustrunmore Fri 24-Jul-09 10:10:42

We kind of have this problem. Dh works evenings every other week, so the early shifts are valuable as he can be home by 5.30 some days depending on traffic. We want to do stuff with the kids, we need to do boring life stuff, and we also both want to train. He moans at having short sessions when i do classes, but I need to be there at the time of the class, obviously! I really do feel like I have to ask permission to go out, because he's already out so he could just stay out IYSWIM. Until the hols began, it was better because I could run during nursery time then do classses at night. Now I've effectively lost half my time till September! God knows what we'll do when I go back to work next year, it'll be even more chaotic if my job extends out of school hours hmm

babyignoramus Fri 24-Jul-09 10:17:51

Ok, I give up. I am having a shit day and I'm sorry for whinging about it. I'm not being sarky Laqitar, I promise. I'm just a bit fed up.

CyradisTheSeer Fri 24-Jul-09 10:45:14

Message withdrawn

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