AIBU - Are the following demands during *labour* kooky or over the top? You know you got to help me out ?(104 Posts)
OK mumsnetters - check out a selection of proposed items on my birth plan - AIBU
Context - I am just over 25 weeks pregnant, will have the baby in a large noisy london hospital, so will be unlikely to have continuity of care.
1) MUSIC if I want it (and yes DH will bring the portable ipod with speakers)
For example some killer tracks, how about:
Are we Human or are we Dancer?
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
with that great refrain:
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out, yeah
2) Getting in a birthing pool for pain relief.
3) Have the lights down low.
4) Having dh bring in home made pasta if I want it.
5) Asking anyone who enters to use antibacterial gel.
6) Requesting that I only have dh and essential staff in the labour room.
7) requesting a hands off approach by staff as to the baby after giving birth, for those first precious moments.
8) letting cord stop pulsating before they cut the cord
9) requesting natural delivery of the 3rd stage of labour.
I know the above assumes all goes well.
I'd also be interested if anyone did a birth plan that hospital staff took notice of.
type out an extra copy or 6 and get your DH to give them to anyone who looks after you in labour. Ones in your handhgeld notes will probably be filed in your hospital notes and nobody will see it.
All sounds reasonable enough, but if you want to have a good chance of the hospital staff working well with you, suggest you express if more diplomatically than "demands" - e.g. a bit of humility recognising that they do have some experience/expertise to bring to the party, but all being well, this is what I would ideally like. Suggest you include something to say how you would like to work with them if all doesn't go according to plan, e.g. do you want them to explain options and risks/benefits to you and/or DP, time permitting?
Hope that helps. St George's in Tooting took notice of my birth plan, as far as it went.
you will have to quite insistent on number 9 but stick to your guns!
birth pool may not be possible-depends how many they have available but definitely ask (i think our local hospital now has some of those inflatable ones)
should only be you and dh and midwife in delivery room if all is going ok
skin to skin contact immediately after birth should be possible
music, food etc up to you!
btw the track that just happened to be playing as I gave birth to dd2 was Push it Out by the Beta band
All these things sound reasonable to me - especially as you have clearly realised that things may not go as planned.
My biggest bit of advice is that you make sure that your husband knows what you want, and understands the reasons behind them, so that he can be your advocate when you are in labour and may not be able to focus on discussions about your care - understandably!
If your husband knows why you want what you want, he should also be able to see that you get the best compromise between your wishes and your medical needs if things do change while you are in labour.
I hope that your birth is a wonderful experience, and the start to an equally wonderful motherhood.
They all sound fine, but just remember to be flexible. Shit happens and if you get yourself into the mindset that it MUST be exactly this way, then you might end up upset if it doesn't happen quite right.
In our case it was the cord thing, DS needed a bit of oxygen after the birth so there wasn't time to worry about pulsating cords.
So have an idea what you want, but don't freak out and get upset if it isn't exactly that. Be prepared to go with the flow a bit.
Definately have the Killers on.All 4 albums.On a loop.You will get through it with ease with Brandon Flowers on your side.
But then I am ever so slightly obsessed with The Killers so may not be the best person to ask.
In all seriousness though it is good to have something to concentrate on during the early stages of labour at least.For the first bits of my labour with DD1 I watched 8 episodes of ER on DVD.I can remember everything that happened in them oddly and it did help take my mind off it a bit.
Good luck..will be a breeze dont worry.
I had music and at my birth and nearly all your ideas (although birthing pool was being used when i went in - worst luck) have to say when baby was born i didn't care anymore and got them to get the placenta out as quickly as possible, give son shot of vitamin k and just stop the pain (i went drug free)
You may not actually want to eat much during labour. We brought in Krispy Kreme doughnuts and these were still there the next day!
Have you considered a home birth?
Thanks everyone for all the feedback thus far - rest assured my dh and I will treat hospital staff with the respect they deserve.
DVD's - fab idea too!
Also I figure if some of the items pull off - such as the killers and so on then it will be good for me.
I am hoping that having something in writing might just help me in the haze of labour, and yes it will include a what if section.
Eccentrica good idea re the extra copies -for impact we could publish flyers in fun glitter fluorescent colors.
Stigaloid - crispy kremes we did consider a home birth as an option but for a number of reasons, such as dh and I not having any close family in london, and in the middle of moving house etc we decided on a hospital borth, Interestingly I have read some advice on swine flu virus mentioning that home births may be cancelled if there is a concern with a pandemic.
None of it sounds kooky, but you might find you ditch one or more props as things progress.
I was watching DVDs of Curb Your Enthusiasm for hours with DS1, before going to hospital, but once I'd got to around 6cm at home, I just wasn't conscious of it anymore, and the sound of DP and birth partner yukking it up at Larry David began to sound evil......
It was time to go to hossie by then!
The gel shouldn't be an issue....I think it's strictly enforced at the mo.
Seems good, but again don't be too constrined by what you must have. And make sure DH has his best persistent voice on.
Depending on how far along in labour you are I wouldn't recommend 4. Glucose tablets good for energy but if you're nearing the end anything you eat will almost certainly bounce and the MW will be wary of letting you eat as they don't look forward to yet another bodily substance to clear up if it can be avoided
None of them sound undrasonmable, but be prepared for things to change when you are actually giving birth. None of my birth plan was particularly adhered to but that was fine by me. The birth process is so subjective, things change as the birth progresses that what you want might not be the best thing for the baby. My baby was delivered by emergency ventouse and so at the time the most important thing was that she was out safely. Don't get too hung on up how you think things should be because if for whatever reason you can't have it like that you might be disappointed.
Yep! I had a similar birth plan and had almost everything I wanted. Go for it(though I think ordinary hand washing is sufficient as that gel is alcohol based and can be stingy).
Personally, I had a few 'kooky' requests but put 'But I would accept interventions if it is deemed important for the wellbeing of my baby or myself.'
My friend did such a detailed birth plan about her home birth that the docs were very hands off during her labour which went a bit awry.
Contrary to alot of the birth stories that i have heard, they they wanted to comply with her wishes. After (and I won't say what happened as it would be a bit tactless sseeing as it is terrible to hear others birth bad birth stories) she asked why they hadn't intervened sooner, they indicated to her birth plan which strongly requested a fully natural birth.
So do allow a bit of flexibility as well.
Your requests are not unreasonable.
Your taste in music is.
Also - you may find your birth plan changes.
I had great plans for massage, birth balls, music, my mum there etc.
Instead I hissed at anyone who came near, told my mum to fuck off, even my DH putting his hand on me made me want to gouge his eyes out and any noise was intolerable.
With hindsight I should have put: Please piss off everyone, don't touch me, don't talk and get that frickin birth ball out of here! I am going in my cave NOW!
Seconding all those who've said don't feel bad if you can't stick to plan! I had v similar plan to yours (which I think looks great and v reasonable) but it all went a bit pearshaped and I couldn't have my lovely waterbirth in the midwife-led unit as baby needed constant monitoring (stupid bloody belt thing v annoying), I had to have hormone drip etc. But it was STILL fine, and totally marvellous once she was out! Healthy baby obviously the most important thing - the rest fades away (has for me anyway).
Nobody in the hospital looked at my plan but I had primed dh, not that it mattered as it happened as I was pretty lucid.
no way they'll allow home made pasta - get yourself to M&S for some ready made stuffed pasta!
I found that I wasn't interested in any distraction in the latter stages of labour at all - including music, it would have been intensely irritating to me.
I also didn't want to eat anything - wasn't hungry but the thought of having a contraction with my mouth full made me feel sick. We also were not allowed to bring any of our own food (or flowers) into the hospital. My Mum brought in loads of M&S goodies and I had to get my DH to take them all home so as not to hurt her feelings.
I really believe in thinking carefully about what you want/ don't want during labour and being prepared but there is nothing like labour to focus your mind on what you will find REALLY important. No harm in planning though.
Hope you have a great birth though, whatever happens.
I had all of those tHiNGS, bar the pasta and anti bac gel!
Sounds lovely :just to mention though I spent hours thinking and downloadibg songs to listen to while I was in labour and if anyone had switched it on during actual labour I would have shoved the earphones up their bottom .
Another vote here for no music ever! It's amazing how annoying it becomes!
me too on the music - take it and shove it
i got into the bath for pain relief but meant taking the tens off and gotta say for me tens was better than water
also if you bleed too heavily getting to 6cms they won't let you in the birthing pool and most likely by then is too late for other pain relief
finally - you want food you can cram into your mouth easily between contractions to keep your energy up - recommend the buckets of brownies and mini flapjacks - I ate 2 and a half tubs
I had no music in the end either, after spending many hours making a nice relaxing playlist. I also requested low lighting and spent the majority of the labour with my eyes shut
I did get to try for the natural 3rd stage I asked for (had the shot after an hour of pushing though) and I had specified that DH would tell me the sex of the baby and he did- after the MW reminded him.
A lot of the things I put on my birth plan didn't happen but that was due to circumstances rather than the staff not reading it or ignoring it.
Make sure you put a couple of points on what to do in an emergency, I said I wanted DH with me at all times up to the birth and with DD at all times afterwards if we had to be separated for any reason.
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