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i just want to scream and hide! i dont want to give sympathy grrr

(18 Posts)

Ok few things so will try to be brief:

Having a very bad time at work right now and might possibly lose my job which is a bad time as im pregnant and its not even my fault, so im stressed very stressed waiting till 9am to call my manager and sort the situation out as i am very concerned about my babies health being this stressed...

My DSIL had her baby this morning after regular updates through last night well 2 in fact i got a message at 7am saying the babies been born if you didn't know from my mother........ well nope no one told me, then i sign into facebook the hell of all evils! and find a grand announcment for the whole world to see and yet aunties etc didnt even get a phone call, and my poor brother DS will find out through facebook to that he has a new step sister! So this has made me even more furious and stressed out....

Then my sis who I have fallen out with due to her lectures about my body being a temple etc etc and critisiny every scrap of food that went into my mouth, because she was the perfect mother during pregnancy is messaging me about how much pain she is in etc etc and do you know what i dont care!!!

I DO NOT CARE!! I do not want to give sympathy! I want my family to ask me HOW I AM!! for once i want to matter and i dont and I am really angry! angry

and i dont even think this is an AIBU topic and i dont care im sorry!!! sad

MamaLazarou Wed 22-Jul-09 08:37:52


That sounds like a truly horrid situation.

Good luck for your phone call at 9. I hope it all works out OK for you. Big hugs darling.

bubblagirl Wed 22-Jul-09 08:43:12

yanbu about wanting people to ask how you are especially witht he stress of work etc i hope you can get that sorted

your reading into it too much regarding the new baby you yourself will find its impossible to let everyone know after birth of child as your tired and overwhelmed with being parents i passed message on through my mum and my partner done the same for his you dont want to spend all day ont he phone when you have new baby

facebook someone else may have put the post up for them but again its easier way of getting message to all without needing to be on phone all day

your sis in pain over what? you may need to tell others whats going on in your life rather than expect them to know whats going on job worries got sick of listening to others problems and wanted it to be about me but once we were all communicating properly it was just as much about me but i think in all honesty pregnant does that to you anyway wanting it to be bit more in with the attention i know it did for me

talk to others about your worries and they will be there for you dont push people away or read too much into things go to them for some help and advise

hope you feel better soon and all work stuff gets sorted out

Chulita Wed 22-Jul-09 08:43:17

hugs I hope you get everything sorted out with work. It may not have been a deliberate thing to forget to tell you that the baby'd been born. I forgot tons of people, not because I don't love them but just cos I was too knackered to remember them blush
You don't have to give sympathy if you don't feel it. Just ignore their demands, run a deep warm bath, make a hot chocolate and dip a penguin bar in it while you chill out smile
Hope the day gets better!! And YANBU for wanting sympathy grin

Chulita Wed 22-Jul-09 08:44:27

and that [hugs] is not a link...i'm just losing the plot

ReneRusso Wed 22-Jul-09 08:48:58

Poor you, YANBU.
Sounds like there is a lot going on in your family at the moment - do they know about your problems at work? Hope it goes ok with your manager. There are times when you just need to block out all the incoming and just focus on yourself and the baby.

franklymydear Wed 22-Jul-09 08:50:25

I don't understand your fury to be honest.

You had 2 updates through the night and then your mother was told to tell you. They have put a message on facebook to tell all their friends and relations in one fell swoop and your issue is that the mum and dad didn't phone you within hours of the birth? That's unreasonable.

I can understand you running out of empathy though - I think that happens especially when dealing with a lot of your own stuff

Hope your meeting goes well - you'll need to take a deep breath before it though

thanks for all your lovely messages!

the facebook announcment was from my mother and having spoken with my brother he is gutted that the news about babies size etc is all over the net, this is a bone of contention as i posted an AIBU when she announced my pregnancy to the wolrd about 4 weeks ago or so, she does not learn. Poor brother has not been able to tell anyone himself!

My sister was in hospital earlier in the week for a suspected blood clot, nothing was found and she signed herself out the hospital with codeine, paracetamol etc etc. I have no sympathy as she should have stayed in for further tests and due to the complexities of my family, when one person has something big going on ie imminent arrival of new baby, another member of family ends up in hospital or some other dilemma taking away attention its all so pathetic it really is.

As for this pregnancy my mother has bought every one of her grandchildren something new, moses basket, sterilising kit etc etc and for me has not even mentioned anything about it. Now i know i sound so selfish its unreal but no one even asks me about this baby or me so i do get angry.

Luckily my twin sis has given me her house keys to go to hers today watch movies on sky! yayyyy and do all my washing and have tea with her family tonight so i will do that and eat lots of chocolate today! thanks for all your kind comments!

OhBling Wed 22-Jul-09 09:16:00

I think you're having a very bad day/week/month and are over reacting. If you only went public (or your mum did) with your pregnancy a few weeks ago, probably your mum hasn't got to the stage of organising gifts for the baby? Especially if she had another grandchild about to arrive. And ditto what others were saying re facebook.

Hole up at your sisters with a huge pile of chocolate and trashy tv - you'll feel a lot better afterwards! grin And hopefully if you can get the work thing sorted that will help - work issues always seem to hang over you in a way that others don't, I am never sure why. perhaps because it's the feeling of lack of power?

franklymydear Wed 22-Jul-09 09:31:34

the brother is the father? So who posted on facebook?

yes my brother is the father and our mum posted on facebook.

OhBling Wed 22-Jul-09 10:00:31

When DH and I got engaged, MIL called his sister and brother before we could. DH was livid. Mothers do this. They think it's their news. Weirdos. smile

lol absolutely!

I called my work who would not accept my maternity start dates and told me i would be bored and resent my baby if i left that early! Told me to give her dates later another time!!

I've called my maternity unit who are seeing me this pm for blood pressure tests so hopefully all will be ok!

In meantime i shall get dressed and make my way to my sisters house. smile

franklymydear Wed 22-Jul-09 11:21:14


Mum needs to back the hell off. Have you had words?

proverbial Wed 22-Jul-09 12:00:44

I can't follow the relationships here. Who had a baby, your brother's partner or ex? Did he know? Who has a new stepsister and will find out on FB?

Chulita Wed 22-Jul-09 12:36:38

My mum posted it on facebook when DD was born but I was glad cos I was a mess and people did want to know. The only thing that pissed me off were the people who congratulated my mum hmm Forget little old me with all the hard work angry that really did piss me off!
Enjoy the crap tv!! Hope it takes your mind off things grin

2rebecca Wed 22-Jul-09 12:58:20

Why are you angry? They are just the same as you, more interested in telling you about themselves than asking about you. Most people are fairly self centred and focus on their own issues first and other peoples later. That's normal. Online/phone messages etc encourage that as generally they are geared to telling others about your stuff rather than asking other people about theirs.
If you want sympathy from your family tell them about your problems. If they are going to listen to your stuff and sympathise though it's only fair for you to listen and sympathise with theirs.

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