not to know whether to smack nasty mother in teeth or ask her if she gets enough help with her children.

[imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy]

Of course, i did nothing! But my God, i was although im not sure who with.

Was in the public toilets (nice) with DD today, she was doing her usual faff about. Another mum came in with her DD, about the same age, if not a little younger. Ive seen this woman before having a cat fight with another woman about her kids in the middle of the street. I thought with my judgey hat on "i bet she ends up screaming at this little girl". I was right, she was just about keeping it civil when i was there, but as i walked out she bellowed, "Come ON, i don't have time for this, you are gong to get a smack". (My mother was waiting outside and she was open mouthed as i think she thought it was me!)

My initial reaction was to march straight back into the toilets grab the woman by the throat and tell her if she so much as laid a finger on her little girl i would teach her to pick on someone her own size. However, it just made me really sad. This woman is obviously struggling, she looked terrible - from what was being screamed across the road at the other woman a few weeks back indicates that there are issues surrounding her children. So, STILL angry, because this woman is blatantly not coping, but IS she getting any support to help her? She wasn't a young mum. I THINK she is a single parent (so that is tough in itself). Of course i don't KNOW that she isn't getting help, but i just can't help but thinking that a little girl of about three, should not be bellowed at and threatened just because she took her time having a wee.

Tis very easy to judge another parent, im not perfect, but i couldnt help but want to say to this woman, "you know what, leave your DD with me for a couple of hours, go and sort your head out and i'll take her to the swings with my DD". But of course i didn't, I just walked off wearing my judgeypants.

[hercules1]

DOesnt sound bad at all. I thought you were going to say she smacked her on the face or something similar.

[GypsyMoth]

omg!!!! YABU........so what, the mother was stressed. nothing to do with you at all....

[HolyScrotum]

Dont see why you feel she needs support.
Dont see the problem at all actually.

[OrangeFish]

Sometimes support is just having somebody who may offer to take the kids a couple of hours a week, to be able to wind down from the stresses of the week, or even to do the houseshores that can't be done when the children are around..

As a single parent, I'm sure that I would be climbing the walls if I didn't have that time. So yes, it is not about being a single parent or not, everybody needs a bit of support.

Having said that I have seen mums who have PLENTY of support and still they yell all the time...

[imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy]

ive been a single parent, it is tough for some of us shineon.

I don't think i would have judged to be honest if this woman hadn't been having such a vile screaming match across the road one time before. Her DD was screaming she was so scared.

But to threaten to smack a child for being slow? Thats not on

[barnsleybelle]

But the OP has said that this woman bellowed that she would smack her dd if she didn't wee quick enough?

Sounds awful to me. Sometimes dh gets frustrated with me for taking ages to get ready for a night out. If he suggested smacking me should i not get a move on i would be furious. Why do some people talk to their children in a way that they would not want to be spoken to themselves. Not nice OP, i agree.

[SoupDragon]

You wanted to grab her by the throat or smack her in the teeth??

My, aren't you a lovely person

[imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy]

oh and shineon - i would have looked at you and thought, fuck me, i wish i had that womans patience! Sorry, had to respond to that, not singling you out. Just saying that i do know what its like with tantruming children, i have one myself - but, well, i guess you had to be there. I just know that little girl gets shouted at and smacked all the time

[imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy]

I AM lovely soupdragon - i didnt actually do it did i! Heavens above, i was just trying to illustrate that i felt very sad for the little girl and was angry with the mother, but actually, thought that she is probably struggling with her mental health. (i know what that is like)

[TigerDrivesAgain]

golly gumdrops, were your judgey pants a bit tight?

Get a grip.

[SoupDragon]

The other woman didn't smack her DD either but you seem to be judging her.

Saying that you wanted to grab her by the throat/smack her in the teeth is not the same as feeling sad for the little girl.

[imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy]

OK. i guess i was asking to get flammed, but honestly i was trying to make a point about wheter or not struggling parents get the support that they need. This woman obviously isn't. I did judge of course, but the whole point of opening the thread was to get peoples views on what they feel when they see a mother who obviously isn't coping and can't do anything to help.

[GypsyMoth]

how do you 'know'?? you know the child is smacked all the time..

and why assume she needs support? we don't ALL need support.

[imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy]

exactly shineon. If i hadn't seen her performance in the town before i would have thought "oh dear, i bet that child is driving her mummy spare today". I shout at my children, but i really have to be at my wits end. Thing is, i guess this woman was at her wits end, it just didn't take much, it would seem, to get her there. She obviously needs help.

[SoupDragon]

"the whole point of opening the thread was to get peoples views on what they feel when they see a mother who obviously isn't coping and can't do anything to help."

If that were true then you shouldn't have started it in AIBU with a title about smacking a "nasty" mother in the teeth.

[imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy]

Tiffany, if you saw this woman, you would know what i mean - ive not explained myself very well. And actually, of course we ALL need support, thankfully, most of us get it - from friends, family, mumsnet. I shouldn't have mentioned her being a single parent, as actually, its irrelevent and i dont want to go down that road, ive done the whole single parent thing and im not a single parent now - im finding it much tougher this time around actually.

[imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy]

Probably not soupy. You are right, so give me the benefit of the doubt and forget that i was being a judgemental bitch. How would it make you feel to be faced with that situation as i did find it upsetting.

[imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy]

lol at rivalling ulrika, i mean surely, you can only have two!! Otherwise, thats a whole new thread

[cherryblossoms]

I think the OP is asking more about the flipping between wanting to intervene to defend the child (and remember, she didn't actually grab the woman by the throat, it was, at most, a fleeting thought, and I think she put it in her post to convey the strength of the feeling of sympathy with the child,) and the following feeling of wanting to help the woman, rather than just judge her.

And I suspect the shouting was delivered in a way that hinted all was not well.

So, yanbu, really. We're all a bit like that.

I suppose the sad thing is, we don't intervene. But then, 9 times out of 10, it isn't necessary, or welcome.

Much like justice, I suppose we rather hope that the state will be the final arbiter and distributor of 'help'. Otherwise things can get quite messy.