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to be raging about MIL coming to stay for 2 weeks.

(42 Posts)
Sheenamac1970 Mon 20-Jul-09 13:11:33

DP's uncle and aunt are coming over from Canada and are staying with us for about 10 days over a 3 week period. We've been looking foward to this, but MIL has now hijacked the visit and announced she will be coming over from Cyprus for 2 weeks, and intends to stay with us while uncle and aunt are with us. This will mean she will be on the sofa bed in our lounge for a week while aunt and uncle are in spare room. Despite DP doing his best to try and persuade MIL to stay with other relatives for at least a week out of the two she is going to be here, and especially when we have other guests, but she just mutters about how she will just have to get a hotel if we won't have her. She is so manipulative. I have put up with her long visits on 4 occassions now - the worst being when DD was 5/6 weeks and she came for 2 weeks and never once put a cup of tea in front of me but expected me to make lunch, dinner and wash her clothes angry. She wears at least two outfits a day and can only wear something once before it "needs" hmm washed. That visit nearly killed me as I was so sleep deprived, DD was very unsettled and I was struggling to cope. Anyone got any constuctive advice about how to deal with this? DD now 18 months and is going to run rings round her as she is really nervous around small children, DP is very understanding, but I just want to punch MIL and she is not arriving for another 2 weeks! Rant over.

oldraver Mon 20-Jul-09 13:14:05

Go ahead and book her a local hotel

mumblechum Mon 20-Jul-09 13:14:35

Book her into a hotel now.

Mybox Mon 20-Jul-09 13:16:11

Hotel

BitOfFun Mon 20-Jul-09 13:18:04

Hotel

onepieceoflollipop Mon 20-Jul-09 13:18:49

Get your dp to speak to her. She sounds jealous; that she will somehow be missing out while the aunt and uncle are staying with you.

Also if she does end up staying, refuse to do the laundry (offer the use of the facilities within reason) If she over uses your washing machine, dryer etc then make sure it is always in use with your dc's clothes and put her off using it so she isn't racking up big electricity bills.

bran Mon 20-Jul-09 13:28:00

Get your DP to phone her and say that he's thought about her alternative suggestion (to get a hotel) and he thinks it's a good idea. Offer to book it for her.

Sheenamac1970 Mon 20-Jul-09 13:29:55

Thanks for this. I should have added I work full-time now too, which makes all this even worse. I like the hotel option - would be worth every penny, but I know DP just will not be able to do it - he does love his mum, which is a good thing really, and she would take this so badly. I have been wondering about whether leaving instuctions for house hold chores when I am work might work. Oh, and she doesn't cook at all - one on occassion exclaimed "oh do I have to cook it" when left to heat up a portion of fish pie and a carrot to go with it when DP and I were off out for a well earned night off from her!

louii Mon 20-Jul-09 13:34:17

Whats wrong with saying you can not stay we already have visitors, just say no.

Lifeinagoldfishbowl Mon 20-Jul-09 13:35:07

Maybe you and the dc could stay at the hotel [evil cackle]

mumblechum Mon 20-Jul-09 13:37:28

I think you're going to have to put your foot down. If your dh doesn't want to be bad cop, you have to. Call her and say that it isn't convenient for her to stay that week, would she like to reschedule? If not then you will be happy to book her into a nearby hotel. End of.

famishedass Mon 20-Jul-09 13:38:44

or even better, just you check into the hotel [eviler cackle] grin

ilovemydogandmrobama Mon 20-Jul-09 13:41:02

What about the relatives stay at your place and you,DP and DD go to a hotel/friends? Say something like there won't be enough room...

Sheenamac1970 Mon 20-Jul-09 13:41:45

I like it Lifeina.., very tempting, but think I am going to have to do bad cop and tell her to her face once she is here that she can't stay for a week while we have other guests and that is just that. We will have her for a week when they are gone, so really she can't complain too much. We're the soft relatives, all the others avoid putting her up, including DP's selfish brother. My resolve is up, thanks MNers.

Lifeinagoldfishbowl Mon 20-Jul-09 13:42:16

liking that plan famishedass

piscesmoon Mon 20-Jul-09 13:43:31

I think it is nice and simple-you already have guests and she has 'muttered about having to get a hotel'. I would just be polite and take it at face value. Breezily say-'it is so kind of you to realise we don't have the space and offer to stay in a hotel-we will book you in-how many nights do you want-or do you want me to look for B&B?'
Leave it to her from there-you may find she approaches other relatives instead.

daisybaby Mon 20-Jul-09 14:26:14

I think you are right to put your foot down and ask her to find alternative accommodation whilst your other guests are staying. It is not fair on anyone for her to be using your living room as a bedroom. I do think you should tell her before she arrives though, because then she knows where she stands, and also because then you can stop worrying about it as you will know she has got an alternative place to stay.

junglist1 Mon 20-Jul-09 15:58:11

Dear God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

23balloons Mon 20-Jul-09 16:22:43

My MIL came to stay for 5 weeks recently (including for my 40th). I was very unhappy. She was here for 9 weeks the year before. I know how you feel but for me 2 weeks would be a breeze.

Jux Mon 20-Jul-09 16:32:53

Just say no and let her book a bloody hotel. Take charge. Refuse to have her; she's being ridiculous.

2rebecca Mon 20-Jul-09 18:28:41

Why is it so terrible that she may have to get a hotel? I think if she wants to see the relatives from Canada (which is understandable) and you don't have room for her because the Canadian relies have the room (which is understandable) then her staying in a hotel is a sensible solution. Why should that make you feel guilty? I don't see why seeing someone should mean you have to stay at your house, especially if you don't have room. My parents have stayed in b&b before when visiting us as rooms full of kids and stepkids and small house. They were just pleased to see us and quite liked having a bit of independence.
Just tell her you don't have room and the hotel idea sounds great and you can go out for meals together/ have her round to dinner.

cheshirekitty Mon 20-Jul-09 21:13:42

Just make sure you wash mil's clothes in the same load as your ds's smelly nappies.

(Evil kitty laugh).....

motherbeyond Mon 20-Jul-09 21:34:25

i feel your pain!! my ILs live in Ireland.they are ok in small doses..but are very religious and have very extreme beleifs.my tongue is practically a stump from the amount of times ive had to bite it!they were not overly thrilled when their ds brought home
1. an english girl
2. a proddy english girl
when dh and i (at this time unmarried) announced we were moving in together,his mum kindly told us we would 'burn in hell'!!
when we were married they began to visit and stay with us.i always hated it,but what can you do?
the straw that broke the camels back was when id just had my dd and they said they would come and stay for a week to 'help'.eventually my mum,who they think is great,talked them into staying with her.
thank the lord,because when they came to viit/sit on the sofa from 9-6 reading paper..they did fuck all to help.
angry
expected cups of tea,meals etc..from then on dh suggested that they always stay in a hotel when theycome to visit and produced a long list for their perusal grin
funnily enough,they don't visit as much as they used to?wink

ZacharyQuack Tue 21-Jul-09 03:20:26

Can you (temporarily) get rid of your sofa bed so she has nowhere to sleep.

gingernutlover Tue 21-Jul-09 08:27:57

your sofa bed broke yes? The DC jumped on it and now it just wont unfold.

and give her a list of hotels

as for the washing and cooking just dont do it - if she wants it done that much then she will do it herself. She doesn't sound like someone you are worried about liking you so who cares!

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