to expect DH to at least acknowledge my wishes about the trampoline?

[misshardbroom]

Today DH took DD (5) to see his sister, who has 3 teenagers.

In their garden, they have an 8 foot trampoline which is adult waist height off the ground, on a sloping garden lawn, with no safety net around it.

Over the last year, two little girls in DD's class have broken their legs on trampolines.

Earlier this week, when we were discussing this visit to SIL, I said to DH that I really didn't want DD going on the trampoline because I was worried about her getting injured due to there not being a net around it.

Call me paranoid and ridiculous (and I'm sure many of you will), but this was a genuine concern for me. And surely this was his opportunity to say 'I think you're being paranoid and ridiculous, she will be fine'. But he didn't, he said 'yeah, OK, she won't'.

Anyway, they're back now and guess what, she's been trampolining all afternoon, with his full knowledge. And no, she hasn't broken her leg.

But given that I had specifically said that I didn't want her going on it, I'm a bit that he just let her anyway.

(As anyone who's read other posts of mine will know, I'm usually not the over-protective type, it's just because having seen two other girls in her class hobbling round on crutches, I wanted to remove that particular risk)

[FranSanDisco]

Rather difficult situation for your dh - trampoline in garden and dd wanting a go. Presume he supervised. No injuries. Sorry but YABU.

[Spidermama]

YANBU.
You can't stop kids going on trampolines. They're perfectly safe for the most part. I know someone who broke his arm in a soft play centre FGS. Kids can break bones in all sorts of ways.

Your DH would have had a crap time at his sisters explaining over and over again why they couldn't use the trampoline. I'll bet that the kids and your DH's sister were pretty persuasive too so don't give him too hard a time.

Also you have to trust their dad to look after them in his way when you are not around. He is their dad and he did bring them home safely did he not?

My SIL always tries to tell my DB exactly how he should look after their dd when she isn't there. It drives him mad. Be careful.

[Spidermama]

Tsk! I meant YABU

[seeker]

He's her dad. He has just as much right to make judgments about her safety as you do - and eh was there and you weren't. Sorry - you are BU.

[misshardbroom]

I wouldn't deny that he's got as much right as me to make a judgement call about something, and he's a great dad who always takes good care of them. I haven't said anything to him about it, I'm not that unreasonable!

I just was quite surprised that despite knowing my concerns, he disregarded them. If I knew there was something he didn't want the DCs to do, I'd respect that.

[Karam]

Agree with seeker. Your DH has as much authority as you to make decisions about your child's welfare. If he felt it was safe, then you must take his word for it. Otherwise you are implying that your decisions are worth more than his. Is this really what you want to be saying? Do you really think you have more authority than him? And he must fall in line with you? if so where is the partnership in your relationship? If you do not think you have more authority over your DC than your hubby then you must trust him to make a sensible decision - which he did. So yes, YABU.

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

Agree with karam. read op and was going to post the same thing, but she's put it so well, there's nothing left to say!!

[MIAonline]

Once again, I am the lone voice, but YANBU.

I agree with the other posters that he has every right to choose too, but as you say, you discussed it with him beforehand and he didn't say then how he wanted it tackling.

I would be annoyed that we had agreed something and then when actually in that situation he hadn't actually done it.

So I must BU too.

[mynaughtylittlesister]

I have known 2 children break bones on trampolines that have safety nets on. To me a safety net will stop them falling off, not stop them getting injured.

[OrmIrian]

It's his choice as much as yours, and he was there. Sorry YABU. FWIW we have a trampoline and no net. We've had it for over 2yrs and no accidents at all. It isn't automatically dangerous.

[piscesmoon]

I don't think that you can have such an exciting thing in the garden and say that your DC has to watch while others go on it. I don't like them without nets and it needs supervision. However your DH was the one there, not you, so it was up to his judgement. If you are going to try and control when you aren't there it will lead to them doing it anyway and simply not telling you.

[TheHeathenOfSuburbia]

I think YANBU really, especially with it being essentially an adult trampoline...

Are you sure your DH even heard what you said though? If he just said 'yeah yeah OK', it probably went in one ear and out the other, especially if you didn't make a big thing about it.

[seeker]

Picture the scene. In the garden - LO sees the trampoline. Wants a go. Other children all having gos. How is Mr Hardbroom going to stop her without huge hassles and strops and angst, and having to tell everyone that she's not allowed a go because her mother doesn't want her going on it?

[LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune]

"Do you really think you have more authority than him? And he must fall in line with you? if so where is the partnership in your relationship?"

Actually since she has already bought up the discussion and he AGREED that their DD wouldn't by overriding what THEY had agreed he is automatically assuming he has more authority than her and that she must fall in line with him.

OP YANBU but then I think parents who don't have at least a safety net round their trampolines are complete idiots.

[LIZS]

yabu , I understand your concerns but if it mattered that much either you should have said no to them going or gone along yourself , rearranging the timing to include you if necessary (but then been the perceived killjoy). Agree he has the right to make risk assessments as much as you.

[misshardbroom]

Thanks all (whether you think I'm BU or NBU )

As I say, my question isn't really about trampolining, it's about him agreeing to restrict a certain activity and then going back on it.

I didn't say 'this is my line on it and you must fall in with me', I just told him what I thought and he had the opportunity then to say 'well I think it'll be fine, you're being silly'.

He didn't, he let me believe he agreed with me.

Maybe it should be 'AIBU to think that once DH & I have agreed something, he'll stick to it?'

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

yanbu on that!

[FimbleHobbs]

YANBU

You both agreed to something - he then went back on it. I don't think thats right.

If he thought you were wrong he should have said that at the time.

Unless of course he got there and found that it wasn't as big/high/etc as you'd thought or they'd moved it or something like that.

[seeker]

No - he reviewed the decision based on circumstances when he got there. Did you really want him to have to spend the afternoon trying to keep her off the trampoline - "sorry, you can't Mummy says you can't" and explaining to his sister that "she's not allowed to go on the trampoline - her mother won't let her"

[mumeeee]

YABU. Yes I'd have concerns about letting a five year old on a trampoline like that. But he was there and he made a decision. She had fun and didn't break anything.

[mumeeee]

He might have agreed with you before he got there and been prepared to not let her go on it. But when he got there he saw other children were going on it and made a decision to let her go.

[piscesmoon]

You have to review according to circumstances-he was the one there and needed to be flexible.

[VulpusinaWilfsuit]

I think co-parenting requires a bit of flexibility and both of you working it out as you go along TBH. I've laid down the law on many things and DH has done something else (and vice versa) and inevitably, changing our minds has been the right thing to do. I think this is particularly the case when ones kids want to do a new thing they (and you) are not used to. Once they've done it already, it is less scary.