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AIBU to think that exdh behaviour is not acceptable.

(10 Posts)
makeitbetter Sun 19-Jul-09 10:24:03

Situation is very very difficult.
Last sunday he was meant to have DD. He came to the door shouting and accusing me of all sorts ( of which i hadnt done) i refused to let DD go with him being like that. Told him so and tried to shut the door. He stuck his foot in the door so i couldnt shut it. DD was crying and has been talking about it, and daddy being naughty and that he mustnt do it all week.
Then i ended up in hospital, brought on an attack from the stress of it all. The very min i get out he calls and starts a HUGE arguement again. Saying he going to stop giving money, going to take DD away from me. All rubbish, but still not nice.

Hes just picked her up this morning. We live on a busy ( ish) road, and some cars well exceed the speed limit. He grabbed her car seat and the kite i got out for him and walked across the road. DD ran ahead. he said to her can you see cars, she said no and just carried on walking. ( shes 3)
I shouted, grab her hand and stop her. But he shouted to me to fuck off, he was carrying stuff and to sod off. All in front of DD.
He came back to my house when he had got DD in the car and told me again to fuck off, yes she had run off but she was ok.
He should have got the stuff then come back for her. AIBU to expect him to manage with her better and now im really worried if she will be safe with him.
Should i mention it to the solicitor on tuesday or am i just BU?


ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Sun 19-Jul-09 10:30:28

Yes, of course, mention it all. He sounds like a prick and a shit father.

2kidzandi Sun 19-Jul-09 10:37:13

Wondering what kind of a dad he was before your divorce. Was his behaviour around dd the same as now?

makeitbetter Sun 19-Jul-09 10:40:17

Rubbish - not interested at all.
Never wanted to bath her, put her to bed, play with her etc...... Never wanted to do family outings etc....
Hes forces so even though she is 3.6 months. HE has only lived with her for approx 6 months of her life.

BUT of course now we are getting divorced he goes around telling everyone DD is his life, how important she is, how he is an excellent father.

Its rubbish.

Im sat he really worried now. I think hes taking he to a cliff top place to fly the kite........

ImhavingaBBaby Sun 19-Jul-09 10:51:14

bloody hell! i think he sounds juvenille, and not able to look after your daughter. I would definately mention this, and although perhaps there's no malice on his part, if he is putting her at risk, supervised visits might be in order?

GypsyMoth Sun 19-Jul-09 10:54:54

why you in contact with a solicitor anyway? is this all ongoing with access troubles?

makeitbetter Sun 19-Jul-09 11:06:24

Im in contact with the solicitor as we are getting divorced.

oldraver Sun 19-Jul-09 12:53:12

First of all if if he continued to be abusive on handover could you arrange for someone else to be there or to do it for you ? This is something that should be discussed your solicitor, they should guide and help you. Also you can bring up the matter of his ;lack of care and maybe push for supervised visit but..

You have to be prepared that unless he is seriously neglecting her or abusing her he will continue to have unsupervised accesss. Yes he may be a shit father but their isnt a great deal you can do about this and at some point you will just have to let go and let him get on with it

Aeschylus Sun 19-Jul-09 16:44:07

I do thinkgs with my DS that my DW is always telling me is not safe, I dont see it really...

of course the Road incident aside, I think people evaluate danger differently.

FOr example I am always throwig DS up in air (which he loves) but if DW is around she will always moan about safety etc...

2rebecca Sun 19-Jul-09 18:15:47

He was rude to you so you punished your daughter by not letting her spend time with her father?
It sounds as though he was unpleasant, but that shouldn't stop him seeing his daughter. Would you like it if you couldn't see your daughter because you shouted at your ex?
If he's not aggressive to your daughter then you shouldn't use her as a punishment. You could insist in future he doesn't speak to you at the handover as this isn't good for the child, but you shouldn't stop her seeing her dad just because he's not nice to you.
My husband's ex used to moan my husband was unpleasant at handovers when he would have happily not spoken to her apart from arranging practicalities at all but she would use the handover as an excuse to start discussing extra money she wanted and say "daddy's being mean to mummy" if he didn't do exactly what she wanted. It sometimes takes 2 to have overemotional handovers and if you end up in hospital with panic attacks you don't sound that calm.
Agree ground rules for handovers and think of your daughter. Neither of you should be swearing in front of her or bad mouthing the other. His disregard for her safety is more worrying. I would stress to him how little traffic sense preschool children have.

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