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To feel stupidly hurt that they didn't accept my friend request on FB

(18 Posts)
Notalone Sat 18-Jul-09 17:47:59

Ok, I know I am being very silly but I can't help feeling a bit hurt by this. I went back to my hometown a few weeks ago (100 + miles away from where I currently live) and helped with the preparations for one of my best friends DS's 4th birthday which was organised for one of the days I was there. BF is really good friends with a gay couple who were also there though I don't know them too well. While I was there I made a huge effort with one of the mens mother's who was also visting from her hometown and didn't know many people either, and took lots of photos of the party with the intention of giving them to my friend who doesn't have a camera at the moment. I did mention to one of these men that perhaps I could put them on FB as a private album so he could get my friend to see them and choose the ones she wanted. He saus he doesn't get on FB very often but did give me his surname and its unusual spelling so I could find him

Anyway fast forward to when I get home and I send friend requests to both of them so I could get my friend to choose the pics she wants and they both decline. One of them has over 350 friends on his friends list and can't possibly know them all, yet still declines mine when he knows my motivation to send the request was to help our mutual friend who is extremely skint at the moment and cannot afford extras such as photos (she had to sacrifice so much just to afford the party in the first place). To add insult to injury he is friends with another mutual friend whom he makes clear he cannot stand.

I know I am being ridiculous and stupid but I feel really hurt by the whole thing. I don't even know why because I rarely see this couple and I have had much much worse happen to me. Now please feel free to kick my arse blush

random Sat 18-Jul-09 17:51:14

Facebook causes soooooo much trouble .. but maybe hes not seen your request yet?

expertinscunthorpe Sat 18-Jul-09 17:51:33

How do you know he declined it? Does it actually tell you?

RealityIsGettingMarried Sat 18-Jul-09 17:51:52

Message withdrawn

Mamazon Sat 18-Jul-09 17:53:07

maybe he didn't realise it was you?
how do you know he has declined? maybe he just hasn't accepted yet

random Sat 18-Jul-09 17:53:33

No it doesn't tell you if you have been binned off grin

Lifeinagoldfishbowl Sat 18-Jul-09 17:54:38

Maybe they don't want to be your friend?

Why don't you just email them the link to the photos or email your friend the link - you don't have to be on facebook to see albums.

Notalone Sat 18-Jul-09 17:55:01

I know random - it really does doesn't it? I know it has been declined because if you click on "associated or linked friends" it tells you which people still have friend requests pending. The couple in question have reverted back to "add as a friend" meaning they have definitely declined. If they have a mutual yet not liked friend on their friends list and 350 + other people then I must be really awful in some unknown way to be declined. sad <<stupid cow get a grip emoticon>>

expertinscunthorpe Sat 18-Jul-09 17:57:17

Ok, did you definitely request the right people?

Notalone Sat 18-Jul-09 17:58:36

Sorry, I meant to explain that I eventually chose the pics I thought BF would like and posted them as she is completely tech illiterate. She was absolutely over the moon with them smile I wouldn't have sent these friend requests had it not been for wanting to do something nice for BF and now I feel like there is something wrong with me. It wouldn't have been so bad if they only had a handful of friends but 350 FFs including one not liked friend? Arrgh - I need some perspective I think blush

Tinker Sat 18-Jul-09 17:58:54

Maybe the added people in a FB frenzy when first joined and now realise how daft that was and have decided not to add any more? I really, really wouldn't give it any more thought; you don't even know them.

Notalone Sat 18-Jul-09 18:00:03

Expertinscunthorpe - sadly yes, they have remarkably clear photos so I definitely asked the right people

caron234 Sat 18-Jul-09 18:01:50

i would be soooo tempted email and say "here is a link to the photos i promised you, i know you decided not to accept me on facebook (for whatever reason) but seeing as how i said i would let you see them here they are"

at least that way you have put your point accross that you were hurt/pissed of and if there has been a misunderstanding you will find out.

Notalone Sat 18-Jul-09 18:07:17

I need to take your advice Tinker - I don't really know why it bothers me so much when I barely know them.

Caron - that is a fab idea but BF already has a hard copy of some of the photos now so it would look a bit odd if I did this. Wish I had thought of it before I posted them though.

I am learning that FB is actually quite troublesome and may be more hassle than it is worth.

RealityIsGettingMarried Sat 18-Jul-09 18:10:50

Message withdrawn

makipuppy Sat 18-Jul-09 19:49:51

It's possible they have stuff about their lifestyle on their page that they realised they didn't want circulating in another group of friends. Perhaps they like to say all the things they get up to and don't know you well enough to know if you're likely to be shocked/say something to your BF. They decided as they didn't know you well and were unlikely to see you again, not because they didn't think you were lovely but because of the distance, it would be easier all round just to decline and let you think they just hadn't got around to accepting you (not know what a little Sherlock you are!).

I've done this myself. There are people I adore, but I don't want them seeing some updates.

Don't be hurt - I'm sure they loved meeting you.

Notalone Sat 18-Jul-09 20:57:14

Aw - you lot are so lovely. I was fully prepared to get my arse kicked and for people to say I am being pathetic. Thanks for all the words of wisdom and reassurances. I am going to try to forget about it now - it still smarts but in the grand scheme of things it really isn't important I guess smile

risingstar Sat 18-Jul-09 21:43:42

not being funny but they prob didnt recognise you/your name (do they even know your surname?) its easily done.....ive got an unusual name which makes it easy for me to be found but i have before had requests from the kids friends parents which i have declined, thinking i don;t know sue brown or whoever, only realising months later who it actually was. im not a great face booker, maybe they are the same.

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