I really want to scream my patience and tolerance levels are running very very low.
I hate hate that I am not free of xh in every sense of the word and that he will always be in my life because of the dc
I hate the fact that everything is always f*ing negative with him - I rushed ds1 to hospital the other night in a cab (don't have a car) with a sore throat and headache. He was diagnosed with tonsilitis. So cut a long story short I tell xh and first thing he says is "you know its a not a good hospital". WTF its the one that was open and that I was sent to by out of hours doctor service. They gave ds antibiotics and he's on the mend. What was I supposed to do go 'oh no its not a good hospital let me pick and choose'?
I have booked a venue for ds1's bday party (I'm paying for it all as usual). He doesn't go 'great! Ds1 gets a party' but first thing is 'who's going and what will they have been told about him?' - Always has to be about poor little him
He borrowed £60 off me on Sunday promising to repay it on Tuesday. Told him I really need it back because I'm on a budget (according to his philosophy I shouldn't moan because I'm on a big salary. He seems to conveniently forgetting that the aftermath of our union is massive and I mean massive debts, that I am still paying the mortgage on the house he lives in and the rent on the house I live in with the children). Upon reminding him that I need it I get arsy defensive excuse response that he is struggling to pay for things and manage everything he has to manage and that he has an injury.
WHAT ABOUT ME???
All he was ever expected to do in the marriage was stick to promises and assurances made over and over again for years that he would decorate the house.
Enough of him
So, I am taking time off work to look after ds and I can tell they aren't impressed. Everyone else puts in odd hours, travels etc but I can't. I still work my arse off but it doesn't seem to be enough.
Childminder(great childminder though she is) keeps waving swine flu symptoms articles at me and says she doesn't want to look after ds1 tomorrow. I think he's ready to go back to school (he's climbing the walls at home). Doctor said he's fit for school. I don't want to pay her for a full week if she is the one saying she won't have him. I have a good mind to send him to breakfast and afterschool club and dock one day's fees from next week's pay.
I am tired and grumpy. Kids not seeing me smile much and the whole point of getting out of crap marriage was so that I could be a happy smiley mummy.
Sorry have gone on for too long and apologies for rubbish punctuation. I'm rushing so I can put dss to bed.
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AIBU?
to want to whinge, rant, rave and moan on here because I seem to do nothing but run around like a blue arsed fly but can't seem to please anyone?
11 replies
citronella · 16/07/2009 19:32
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