Advanced search


(39 Posts)
mummylou85 Thu 16-Jul-09 11:57:01

Right I think way too much. I know some people will be against me but I must add I am on benefits now but before my daughter I worked every hour I could and would again but I find being there for my daughter more important at the mo. I ahve no family or friends to look after my little girl she is nearly4. my ex her dad bothers when it suits him but he cant be trusted even the courts give him supervised contacts anyway when child is 7 new government laws meaning having to come off income support and go on job seekers. Iam totally stressing.

option one

even though ex cant be trusted and I will never forgive him for what he did to me and my daughter I could have a baby at least when that child is 7 mine will be a teen so could be easier although thats given my teen too much responsibility and I will be in worse position cause insted of having one to worry about I will have two. I am very doubtful gonna meet anyone else I don't go anywhere my life revolves around my little girl.

option two
just go on job seekers. is there set amount of time you can be on job seekers??? I know you have to go on courses etc.. my friend is going on 13 week course at mo which I wouldn't mind but what if this course aint in school time or signing on makes it impossible to pick up my daughter from school. so many worries.

option three
I want to go to college and do child care and be a nursery teacher. if I go to college when she is 6 and it's 2 year course would I stay on income support until my course is finished. I want to wait until she is 6 to amke sure she is settled in school. even starting this course gives me worries as alot of work experience involved which means aint always available to pick her up from school and don't want to rely on her father. if she has school reports or trips he is type to hide info from me. everything competition.

am I stupid stressing. I just want to be there for my daughter. if I find a job in school hours which is unlikely. what happens if my daughter is ill or school holidays. i know other single mums manage but I have knowone and dont want childminder, couldn't afford one anyway. arghhh

Tamarto Thu 16-Jul-09 12:01:10

You have three years to worry about this, who knows what will happen in that time.

whoisasking Thu 16-Jul-09 12:04:11

Yeah, totally think you should have another baby. hmm

fluffyanimal Thu 16-Jul-09 12:04:11

I don't have much experience in this field but if this is something that won't happen until your child is 7 and she isn't even 4 yet, then you have loads of time to explore options. Also, a 7 year old child is very different from a 3 year old, she can go to after school clubs etc which will help if you want to do training and the hours don't overlap exactly.

Why don't you want a childminder? Do you know other mums who use one that could help you see what's involved?

As for option one, do I really have to comment? hmm

mummylou85 Thu 16-Jul-09 12:08:19

i KNOW i GET ANXIETY OVER EVERYTHING. option one is something which enters my head now and again as I am broody too but deep down it will make things a million times worse. I would love company for my daughter I know my ex would be willing he constantly flirty etc but I hate him so much.

afterschool clubs are a good idea if my daughter wants too.

well childminders are expensive and I really dont want a stranger looking after my daughter. I want to be there for every concert, parents evening everything.

she will be 4 september. I will try not to stress

littlelamb Thu 16-Jul-09 12:10:21

WHat would hte info be grateful for? [pedant]
O yeah, having a baby is obviously the solution here hmm

whoisasking Thu 16-Jul-09 12:12:30


Isn't it always the way? you're correcting someone's post, and cock up your own!


dexter73 Thu 16-Jul-09 12:13:30

But the childminder won't be a stranger for long! I assume you do not have friendships with the teachers at your daughters school and she will be there all day with strangers IYSWIM!

LuluMaman Thu 16-Jul-09 12:14:04

we all wnat to be there for our children, and be with them before and after school and when they are poorly, unfortunately , as parents , we often have to make tough decisons

i would say the best thing to do is to go to the CAB or to the Job centre plus or a sure start centre

you will be able to get the best advice about tax credits, subsidised child care , benefits and work etc etc

i don;t think you should even factor in the possibility of another baby when you are not with anyone..

concentrate on yourself and your daugther and get some infomration from professionals

you can't not do anything with your life because you have a child to pick up from school

you need to find support networks.. other parents who you could do a school run rota with , or a childminder who could help you

dexter73 Thu 16-Jul-09 12:14:26

I didn't explain that very well, did I!!

LuluMaman Thu 16-Jul-09 12:15:14

CMs tend to be around £3.50 an hour here, in the northwest, they can often be a cheaper option than a nursery

we all want to be there for every concert etc. but also need to earn a living and show a good work ethic to our children

mummylou85 Thu 16-Jul-09 12:15:16

grateful for bit of advice and peace of mind and stop me stressing. maybe someone going through something similar etc.. I was just saying all options as if I am going to have another baby but I was just giving honest options.

mummylou85 Thu 16-Jul-09 12:16:57

thanks for some advice I have cant say im not still worrying but there you go x

HeadFairy Thu 16-Jul-09 12:17:10

Mummylou, you can't have it both ways, if you work then you have to accept that someone who you don't currently know will be looking after your dd and you won't be able to go to every concert and parents evening, if you don't work you won't get income support once your dd is 7, so you won't be able to support yourself.

To me the solution is obvious. Find yourself a really great childminder (or become one yourself?) Our childminder is like a member of the family, she's like my ds's third grandmother and he absolutely adores her. If I do have to go to work (and I do, sadly) then it's infinitely easier because we have such a great childminder.

kormachameleon Thu 16-Jul-09 12:19:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mosschops30 Thu 16-Jul-09 12:22:44

Agree cm's are fab, ds loves his, shes like his 2nd mum grin and he is totally part of their family.
If you are on a low income or a student then your childcare should be paid through WFTC, so money isnt the issue.
How is being on benefits a lifestyle choice these days.
Decide what you want to do and go out there and do it, whether its working or re-training. Wont you be a better role model for your precious dd?

RealityIsGettingMarried Thu 16-Jul-09 12:24:44

Message withdrawn

LuluMaman Thu 16-Jul-09 12:25:26

we all worry, and we all stress and we all find it a difficult balance

as has been said, you are not any different, we all have the same problems and stresses and issues

as a parent, it is our job to find a way to naivgate these difficulties

PrammyMammy Thu 16-Jul-09 12:32:23

If you get a job working over 16 (or maybe 21??) hours you will receive working tax credits and i am pretty sure they help single parents with childcare. I don't know the exact details but my sister works in a school pt and goes to college while her 3 yo is in nursery, but on the days she couldn't get the preschool nursery dn goes to a private one and the tax credit people help her pay for it. Maybe you could call them and they could explain it better?
Your CM wouldn't be a stranger for long, and you can take your time finding one you like and get on with?
I really don'tt hink having another dc would help matters at all when you are on your own.
There are lots of toddler groups too where you could meet good friends? Maybe set up play dates to take some stress off.

Lemonylemon Thu 16-Jul-09 12:36:14

I'm a single parent of two - my son is 12 and my daughter is 20 months. I work full-time and I manage to make it to school concerts, sports days etc. by taking a half-day's holiday etc. I also manage to get to parents evenings too. I don't have any babysitting help, so I take along my daughter when attending things for my son.

My son used to go to breakfast club and after school club and I would pick him up on the way home from work. My daughter goes to nursery and I drop her off on the way to work and collect her on the way home. You can't wrap your LO in cotton wool and not let her meet new people - it's going to happen whether you like it or not.

The CAB and DSS are there to give you advice about working tax credit etc. etc. And yes, I do think you're being unreasonable.

mummylou85 Thu 16-Jul-09 12:37:04

being child minder sounds like a good idea. I will do search on what qualifications are needed, does anyone know how long it takes to train to be childminder. I really didn't mean to offend when I said I dont want strangers looking after my daughter, u hear so many horror stories. i'm just overprotective maybe too much. but thank you i do want to be a good role model. I worked every hour before my daughter. I am 23 now and not working thats problem,missing my baby. sorry to moan x

Stigaloid Thu 16-Jul-09 12:38:34

I'd get a job during term time - can you not apply to work as a school canteen staff or something similar and then you can earn money and work the hours that would suit your daughter's routine.

RealityIsGettingMarried Thu 16-Jul-09 12:39:21

Message withdrawn

RealityIsGettingMarried Thu 16-Jul-09 12:40:03

Message withdrawn

ginnny Thu 16-Jul-09 12:52:10

If you work 16+ hours a week you will get child tax credits and working tax credits and 70% of your childcare costs.
There is so much help out there for single parents - there is no reason to stay on benefits once your dc are of school age.
I desperately wish I didn't have to work, especially in the school holidays when I have to farm my dc out to playschemes and childminders and I'd much rather be spending the time with them having fun, but as others have said that's life.
And another baby is not the answer - just a whole heap of different problems.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now