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to expect others on the bus to offer their seat / show common courtsey to a heavily pregnant woman?

(80 Posts)
babyball Wed 15-Jul-09 15:29:14

This refers to two occasions. Once, where an elderly lady came onto the bus and no-one would stand up for her apart from myself (at 32 weeks pg and with very noticable bump). No-one offered to stand for me however, and as the bus was rammed, a couple of ignorant arses rammed their massive rucksacks into my bump on the way past causing considerable pain. I was so angry hot and bothered, I burst into tears as soon as I was home. The second occasion, was sitting next to an elderly gent (not that elderly and certainly mobile). When I asked him to move so that I could get off the bus, he moved his knees to one side. Asked if he would mind getting up momentarily, he said, "Nah, you'll be alright luv", meaning I had to squeeze past him shoving my bump against the bus rail hurting my already extremely sore belly-button. Sorry for the rant, but has no-one any bloody consideration any more?

MamaLazarou Wed 15-Jul-09 15:34:08

Wah! I hate that moving knees to one side thing! angry

I always waggle my bum in their face a bit on the way out, that'll learn em.

PM73 Wed 15-Jul-09 15:35:20

Good manners have died a death in this country.

Huge sympathies for the sore belly button,mine was sore too near the end.

I would have trod on his toes on the way past tbh the miserable twunt.

YummyMummy17 Wed 15-Jul-09 15:36:44

I had a similar situation last week, I was standing at the bus stop (heavily pregnant)with bad odemia and 3 young women were sitting on the seats in the bus stop, they could clearly see i needed to sit down as I was quite out of breath and frustrated looking (hot and bothered), not one of them offered me a seat and 20mins later the bus turned up angry, all of them pushed past me and got on first, how bloody ignorant ! I felt like shouting at them. I hate how people don't care about anyone but them self
I was that annoyed I had tears in my eyes

flowerybeanbag Wed 15-Jul-09 15:37:12

YANBU. I nearly posted about this yesterday.

I was at Kings Cross after a meeting in London waiting for my train home. I needed some lunch and baby was craving a Big Mac and fries blush so I went and bought myself some, with a drink.

There were no seats available. I had my briefcase-y bag thing with work stuff in it, plus a shopping bag with magazines for my journey home, plus my paper bag of burger and fries, plus my drink. I stood strategically in front of the seating area for a few minutes looking helpless and hungry and sticking my bump out grin. No joy. Fine.

I moved to stand right next to the end seat where I could perch my drink on a ledge and at least start eating some fries while balancing the rest of my stuff to avoid passing out from hunger. There was a perfectly able-bodied man in his 30s sat right next to me. There's no way he couldn't have been aware of me, but he steadily maintained a downwards gaze.

<<rolls eyes>>

pjmama Wed 15-Jul-09 15:41:13

Sign of the times I'm afraid. The world seems to be filled with people who are at best oblivious to those around them and at worst, downright selfish and ignorant. There are still some lovely people out there though, just few and far between!

MamaLazarou Wed 15-Jul-09 15:45:06

I am planning to ask for a seat when I get really big.

Having said that, a lady I work with once asked for a seat on the tube (she was very visibly pregnant), no-one gave her one, and in desperation she ended up sitting on the floor! No-one batted an eyelid.

babyball Wed 15-Jul-09 15:47:19

My parents always bought me up to stand for elderly people, pregnant women, disabled people and let mums with pushchairs on before myself. It depresses me that people are so bloody rude! BTW, the only person who has stood up for me on the bus was a young lad (prob 16-18), so it's all age ranges who are rude arseholes unfortunately(!) angry

JeMeSouviens Wed 15-Jul-09 15:51:28

I find if you don't expect anything from anyone you are rarely disappointed.

two2many Wed 15-Jul-09 15:51:52

people are just rude imo , i once offered my seat to an elderly gentleman years ago & he made a show of me blush blush he shouted at me all over the bus "who do you think you are , do i look like an OAP to you "
eeeeehhhh yeeeesssss , grey hair , wrinkles so much for trying to be nice , my dp could hardly walk he was so weak from laughing & i got off the bus at the next stop & we had to walk a mile to get home blush
its very unfair though when you are pregnant

scottishmummy Wed 15-Jul-09 15:55:17

if you are pg dont rely on others to offer.chances are they wont.you need to be bold and ask.try suss a likely kind face,but dont demurely expect or stand looking askance tutting and huffing.be bold ask

unfortunately people develop a selective blindness to pg commuters

babyball Wed 15-Jul-09 16:02:47

I could ask. I don't tut or huff and puff in those situations. I suppose you could potentially set yourself up for some hassle, but no reason not to be brave I spose.
flowerybeanbag - I can't imagine what commuting must be like in London, esp. whilst pg. I live in Nottingham, fairly hectic on public transport, but nowhere near as bad as the big smoke however!

PrammyMammy Wed 15-Jul-09 16:57:24

I boarded a busy bus yesterday with DS (18 mos) The buggy spaces were full with young able bodied gents, so i quickly folded the pushchair while making silly chat with ds so he didn't do i runner. Walked him onto the bus where everyone seemed interested in the floor. I had to ask someone to move their bag so i could sit down, he moved it with no communication whatsoever onto his lap in the outside seat. I had to lift ds and squeeze past him to get to the inside, which wasn't easy with my huge 32 weeks bump and my hot wiggly toddler.
Don't get the bus unless you have to, and don't expect any help from any one, because few people really care.

hana Wed 15-Jul-09 17:19:04

why don't you just ask people for their seat or ask them to move? agree that people can be rude, but sometimes you have to ask first

flowerybeanbag Wed 15-Jul-09 17:21:57

babyball fortunately as I work from home I don't have to do the commute very often at all, and when I do, I try to organise meetings for the middle of the day to avoid rush hour, otherwise I agree, horrendous!

screamingabdab Wed 15-Jul-09 17:27:17

YANBU. I used to ask (although you shouldn't have to ). If you ask really nicely it normally shames someone. I live in London.

According to my totally un-scientific survey, it's young men and middle-aged women who tend to offer their seats

I have also asked on behalf of an elderly person (I checked with him first if he wanted a seat).

My sympathies about the belly button. I'd forgotten about that particular delight !

Nancy66 Wed 15-Jul-09 17:38:41

Yep I agree - just ask. And say it in a very loud voice so that the people sitting in the designated seats for the elderly, pregnant and disabled feel embarrassed.

makipuppy Wed 15-Jul-09 17:48:38

Well, I can only say, for balance, that I've used public transport all through my pregnancy and I've had a seat offered to me on every single occasion. In fact, everyone has been lovely to me everywhere I've gone. On planes and trains someone has always hoisted my bag up, I've been offered seats and glasses of water in shops, sent to the front of the queue and lots of people have taken the time to ask me how I am, what I'm having etc.

There are still lots of lovely people out there.

Longtalljosie Wed 15-Jul-09 17:55:48

I commute in London and if someone doesn't offer, I walk up to the priority seat, smile and say, excuse me, can I sit down please? Works every time.

That said, it annoys me that it's always women who give up seats willingly, the men never do. Then when the woman's done so, they sort of bob up and down out of their seat like they were just about to, only they weren't.

elvislives Wed 15-Jul-09 18:04:32

As we approached the car park shuttle bus at the Eden Project last week we watched the 3 adults in front of us sit down in the wheelchair/ buggy space. The bus was practically empty so I walked up to the girl on the end and said "can I put my buggy here please". She moved.

BlameItOnTheBogey Wed 15-Jul-09 18:11:50

I always repeat this story here but eight months pregnant during a hot spell in London last year, I was on my way to work and for the first time, I asked for a seat. I needed to sit down, I was heavy, hot and about to pass out. The man I asked refused to move and told me that I should not travel in rush hour if I wanted to get a seat as 'some of us are trying to get to work you know'. Everyone else studied the floor and I (full of hormones) cried. I'll never ask again. People in London can be rude tossers.

ErikaMaye Wed 15-Jul-09 18:23:37

I'm disabled, and if I sit in the priority seats, because I'm 18, I always have to prepare myself for the huge "These seats are for those that need them" rant that I seem to always get. Even if I'm sat elsewhere and don't give up my seat, I tend to get it, because its presumed I'm young, fit, and healthy - even though I'm five and a half months pregnant as well as having a walking stick.

The first time I go to London by myself - I asked, quite loudly, for a space to sit down on the tube. People just turned and started at me, then back at their papers. Though that might have just been because I was talking on the tube hmm

People are so damn rude. I do enjoy slamming my stick down right between their feet, or taking their ankles out with my wheelchair if they moan about that being an inconvience to them...

babyball Wed 15-Jul-09 19:57:57

Grrr BlameItOnTheBogey! That's bloody awful. What a crap reason not to move. Also, some pregnant people are also trying to get to work as well. That's certainly the case in my situation anyway.

fourkids Wed 15-Jul-09 21:33:39

mmm I'm not sure tbh. Unless heavily pregnant with health problems - related or unrelated.

I never expected anyone to offer me a seat when I was pregnant. I wasn't ill after all. I was, admitedly, the first time a bit overweight as well but that was self induced because I blatently ate for two as soon as I got the positive test!
And being pregnant with armfuls of babies and toddlers meant a seat would have been nice - but I chose to have small children and a bump, so I'm not sure it gave me the right to a seat in the same way as being elderly or disabled does.

And, also tbh, sometimes at the end of a day's work now (many years post pregnancy), having been up at 6 to get DCs organised etc, and wiht a long evening of cooking supper, overseeing homework and enforcing piano practise ahead of me, I feel as in need of a seat as I did at 8 months pregnant.

So I think actually 'expecting' to be offered a seat is a teensy bit unreasonable. That's not to say it isn't a relief when your are!

LetThemEatCake Wed 15-Jul-09 21:42:20

I had a brilliant situation when I was 37weeks pg with dc1. Stinking hot summer, I was on the bus on that single seat near the rear door. A, ahem, large lady got on, stood over me, panting and sweating and said, threateningly "you gunna get up or what??"

Now, I was fine to get up, having been blessed with very comfortable (although by no means small) pregnancies but the nerve of her!! So I flicked my hair and said "well, I AM 37 weeks pregnant but you clearly have much BIGGER issues than that!!" And got up

The funniest thing was that she got off 2 stops later and a young boy, who had witnessed this whole exchange, scampered into the seat before I could reclaim it!!

Priceless! made my day!! I love a bit of moral outrage grin

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