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to be feeling a little sniffy as one of DS's school friends just said

(38 Posts)
randomtask Tue 14-Jul-09 16:32:21

'that's the first nice thing anybody has said to me' after DS (aged 8) complemented him on something he did well.

DS's friend (for the sake of ease I'll call him Tom) has a form of epilepsy, can't eat dairy, loves singing and dancing and is generally a little 'different' from the boys in his class. He only joined the school 6 months ago and the class bully has torn him apart. It's got the point where the teachers told his Mum to move him and she refused to as the bully would just pick on someone else. Tom is also (according to DS) a little 'slow' so the whole class get annoyed with him. Recently it's only been the bully that's nasty but we've been worried for a while due to what DS tells us. We've been hoping DS would become friends with him and DS invited him to his birthday party (we didn't want to push it though so it was his choice). Two boys in his class asked 'why would you want Tom to come to your party' which I thought was really cruel and DS replied 'because I like him'. DS is normally quite quiet but does like to support the under dog as it were. We've also recently found out that Tom has a social worker as his parents split up and he struggled with that.

I'm a proud Mummy but feel really sad that an 8 year old could feel nobody says anything nice to him. sad

HecatesTwopenceworth Tue 14-Jul-09 16:35:20

oh that poor little boy.

Why would his mum not move him? Because the bully would just pick on someone else? Why would you keep your child in a situation like that to prevent someone else's possibly suffering bullying? That's saying that you prefer to see your child bullied than someone elses. hmm I don't get it.

cjones2979 Tue 14-Jul-09 16:36:24

That is so sad!! YANBU!!
That poor little boy.
And what a little treasure your DS is to have taken him under his wing. No wonder you're so proud!

All I can say to you is, now that your DS has become friends with 'Tom', maybe you could have him round for tea or to play every now & again. It might do him good to spend time with people who are going to be nice to him.

KIMItheThreadSlayer Tue 14-Jul-09 16:38:47

sad poor "tom" you have a lovely son

MoonchildNo6 Tue 14-Jul-09 16:42:45

I bloody hate bully kids. It is AWFUL that Tom thinks like that and you have a son to be very proud of.

Making me cry!

randomtask Tue 14-Jul-09 16:43:26

He's currently round for tea-DH has been texting me at work with updates!

As Tom couldn't come to the party (holiday) we wanted to keep up the momentum. DH says there's lots of high pitched chatter and giggling going on. He's an only child (as is DS) so we're hoping they can play over the summer.

I think his Mum was arguing the school weren't handling it well. The bully is nasty to everyone but has been horrific to Tom and his Mum wanted the bully dealt with. Their social worker has asked for a meeting with the bully's parents-don't know if that's happened yet. A week or so ago the teacher told them that if she hears anything nasty said, they have to say something nice to the other person later on in 'carpet time'. Bully told Tom that he's a 'good friend to his friends' so hopefully that's embarrassed the bully and made him think. Tom was moved from his last school as they had a 'secondary school' system of getting yourself to your classes and he didn't handle it well. I think his Mum was frustrated that apart from the bully, he's starting to settle.

Seuss Tue 14-Jul-09 16:45:14

Poor chap, glad he's found your ds! I don't get why Tom's mum should be asked to move Tom though - shouldn't the school be dealing with the bully?

Seuss Tue 14-Jul-09 16:45:51

oops - x-post

randomtask Tue 14-Jul-09 16:47:58

TBH, I'm angry at the school about that too. My niece is currently having problems like that at her school which is what has spurred me on to be so annoyed about Tom I think! I even offered to write in with a list of what DS has told me about the bully (from even before Tom came along) including him grabbing DS's genitals and squeezing them so that they realised it wasn't just about Tom.

Grammaticus Tue 14-Jul-09 16:49:22

Poor "Tom" and well done your DS.

One thing strikes me though - you don't get a social worker just because your parents split and you don't like it - there'll be more to that, I suspect.

SoupDragon Tue 14-Jul-09 16:52:15

Why would the school suggest moving the bullied child and not sort the farking bully out instead?? That's appalling.

Poor boy.

TotalChaos Tue 14-Jul-09 16:53:27

Poor "Tom". Sounds like the school is failing that poor child, hope his teacher next year is more effective.

randomtask Tue 14-Jul-09 16:53:38

I suspect it's linked to his epilepsy and that maybe his mother didn't cope. He seems to be involved in a lot of clubs and his Mum has recently had a 'career change' which makes me wonder. Plus the old school was Private and this isn't.

I just hope DS can be his friend and we can support him through DS so that he's happier. DS kept coming home from school telling us Tom was crying that he didn't like the school. sad

forehead Tue 14-Jul-09 16:53:48

Your son sounds wonderful. You and your dh should be proud. I love the fact that your ds is a leader.

stainesmassif Tue 14-Jul-09 17:04:10

your son sounds lovely. i have a lump in my throat! hope mine turns out half as nice.

hippipotamiHasLost48lbs Tue 14-Jul-09 17:07:31

Awww, poor Tom, he is lucky to have found your ds.
Well done to your boy, he sounds great!!

cjones2979 Tue 14-Jul-09 17:11:34

That's brilliant that you have him round for tea. Sounds like they're having fun grin

What a wonderful son you have to make his own mind up about who he wants to be friends with, instead of following the bully!

randomtask Tue 14-Jul-09 17:16:26

DS hates the bully. Constantly comes home and tells us what he's done. When he was asked why he'd invited Tom to the party, DS came home and said 'why would I want to be friends with the bully when he tells me nice people aren't nice?'. He's a sensitive chap.

DH has just texted saying Tom has grown up siblings who live away so suspect he's got a complicated history. sad

fatzak Tue 14-Jul-09 17:20:50

"Tom" sounds just like my DS even down to his epilepsy sad I hope that there is someone like your DS there for him as he doesn't have too many friends at the moment sad

randomtask Tue 14-Jul-09 17:29:29

Your poor son. I'm sure there is someone there like DS, it's just finding them. DS has taken ages of 'talking' to Dom and saying he's nice before he'd thought to involve him more (and probably partly due to him saying about Dom feeling left out and us suggesting he asked him to play in the playground). The teachers did tell us that DS was nice to Tom so maybe they could suggest someone you could invite for tea?

lou031205 Tue 14-Jul-09 17:31:24

"It's got the point where the teachers told his Mum to move him and she refused to as the bully would just pick on someone else."

I just can't believe that a teacher would do that shock

Well done to your DS.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 14-Jul-09 17:32:57

I agree that the school are wrong to say Tom needs to be moved, how about you sort out the bully!

Our Head is adamant there is no bullying at my children's school.

2 or 3 children left my DD's class this term because of bullies. Iamginary ones, naturally. hmm

2Shoots Tue 14-Jul-09 17:36:28

well done your ds but I think the school are terrible and are failing Tom miserably. The bully should be dealt with!!!!!!

Justwantout Tue 14-Jul-09 17:53:21

My little boy has AS. There is a group of kids in his class who really take him under their wing and try to work with him, help him and complement him when he does well. They don't laugh at him when he does something silly. Once a bully tried it on and the other kids put a stop to it immediately.

Once my ds was doing something silly at the christmas concert and some other kids started laughing at him. The kids from his class put a stop to that as well. grin These children are only 9 years old.

There are lots of good kids out there who bring a tear to my eye.

Your DS is a good person and means the world to someone like Tom. You have no idea how much it helps dh and I when people are positive towards ds rather than negative. It makes a lot of hurt go away.

Horton Tue 14-Jul-09 18:11:51

No advice as my DD isn't at the stage where she needs to worry about bullies etc so I don't really have any experience (she's only 2.10) but I just wanted to say what a lovely lovely boy your son sounds and what a credit to you. You must be really proud of him.

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