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-to expect DH to take some responsibility in organising the DCs? Rant.

(12 Posts)
faraday Mon 13-Jul-09 18:54:20

OK, this doesn't happen very often but a DS related event slipped under the radar. Cubs tonight is up a hill with kites but DH took DS2 to the scout hall instead- THEN discovered! It all appears to be my fault despite the facts a) DH was sitting NEXT to me at DS's investiture last week when this was all announced (and letters given out!) and b) DH 'does' Monday nights as I work late! This means for DH meeting my mum outside the piano teacher's house on his way home from work, handing over DS2, awaiting DS1 finishing his lesson thence to cubs with DS2. Then home with DS1 and dinner which I will have prepared.

Monday nights are a nightmare, as 2 DC things almost but don't quite coincide but it's only another week of it! AND I think I've made it QUITE clear to DH that the where and when arrangement he makes with my mum is UP TO HIM as it DOESN'T involve ME!

However, by Mon eve, I will have sorted out DS2's uniform (Mon am); got food ready for my mum to feed them post school and pre piano and cubs; I will have sorted DS1's music folder for mum to take.

All this comes on the heels of me sorting childcare for the entire summer holidays. DH merely awaits instructions about which days he HAS to take off.

SO I'm cross at DH for being cross with ME and I'm sad for DS2 who will arrive at the cub 'do' late and possibly unequipped.

We have a wall calendar. I have a rule that if it's not written on there, it isn't happening.

Why am I the only one who WRITES on it??

CaptainUnderpants Mon 13-Jul-09 19:06:24

Totally understand where you are coming from my Dh is exacty the same.

even at the weekend when he takes the boys to football its always - ahve you got any money , get you get the drinks and snacks ready can you do ..can you do..

I get really frustrated - he phoned me today - left message " oh you must be at so and so house etc etc " .I was at OUR DS sports day ! He can't even remeber things like that.

( he couldn't make sports day as he is working away at the moment )

lljkk Mon 13-Jul-09 19:06:24

<SHRUG> -- my husband does NOTHING re organising DC;s lives, never has.
YANBU, but I doubt you can change things.

CaptainUnderpants Mon 13-Jul-09 19:09:32

I remeber a while back a sad story. A mother was terminally ill so she wrote out all the instructions for her DH about the everyday things for the kids.

If ( God forbid) soemthing should happen to me then Dh wouldn't have a clue where to start re orgainsing , doing activties , when to pay this , that etc .

MIAonline Mon 13-Jul-09 19:17:47

YANBU to expect your DH to take responsibility

In this specific situation, you both there when the info was given out?

How he has the cheek to be annoyed with you is beyond me.

muppetgirl Mon 13-Jul-09 19:24:07

we're finding those joggler things really handy as dh loves gadgets. I put stuff in it and can programe it to send him messages. He can look online to see dates -sports day/parents evening etc.

I'm not working so I take the lead in organising the children and keeping dh informed but you are both working therefore I think you should both be organising the children.

sleeplessinstretford Mon 13-Jul-09 19:27:00

some people get angry with others when they fuck up...it's a default setting.
my mother forgot she was babysitting for us this weekend so we could go to the theatre-we'd explained that it was dp's birthday so all our friends who we would normally ask to sit were out with us and that she'd need to put kids to bed.
When i rang her to ask if she wanted to eat here beforehand she'd clearly forgotten to which i said it didn't matter and i'd ask pregnant sister who'd offered to have both of them over night to which my mother ERUPTED that she'd never HEARD anything as ridiculous in her life and kicked off with me that i have too active a social life.
(DP and i haven't been out without the children and just together since November last year... wink)

faraday Tue 14-Jul-09 13:19:09

Glad it's not just me then!

In fact luckily DS2 had a good time at the Cubs kite flying but I think DH must've felt guilty as he stayed and helped!

It's not that I mind by and large keeping abreast of all things, it's that concept that somehow I'VE failed the team if something like this happens!

And DH doesn't so much need a joggler thingy, he needs things tattooed on his forehead!

MoonchildNo6 Tue 14-Jul-09 16:51:00

I work full time doing exactly the same job as my DH at the same level (diff company) and I end up taking all responsibility for all school, social and sporting activities. I put everything on the calendar and still he makes out that he doesn't know anything. I think by refusing to read anything he somehow thinks he has no responsibility!angry

YANBU

muppetgirl Tue 14-Jul-09 17:14:04

can you do -pink jobs/blue jobs?

divvy up the jobs between you so there is a clear division of jobs?

booyhoo Tue 14-Jul-09 17:35:45

my parents were like this and im afraid im destined to be the same.

my mum worked nights and childcare during the week, but dad took over at the weekends to let her catch up on sleep. even then she had to have meals pre-prepared for us, washing all sorted so we had things to wear and unless she specifically told him we had to be somewhere, we didnt go. tbh, it didnt bothre us but im sure as hell it bothered her.

now i know how she felt, different situation for us as OH is in th navy and is away most of the time so it really is all up to me and when he is home he has to learn all the routines so its easier for me to carry on doing it.

when he came home for ds2's birth i said i wanted him to take over the running of the house and care of ds1 for the 3 weeks that he was home as i was exhausted and wanted to get as much rest as posible.

he would get up literally five minutes before ds had to be at school, throw breakfast together and rush out the door, come back and get straight back into bed!!!! wtf? no dishes done, no washing, cleaning or even hoovering. any letters that came home from school he passed to me.

we had quite a few rows about it. i ended up still having to do all the things myself as it was never done right when he did it.

ive realised now that i will always be the one who has overall responsibility for these things and tbh im happy with that as long as he helps when i need it

i think what you need to do is sit down with your DH and discuss exactly what each of you will take responsibility for. you need to give him specific instructions if you want him to take over a certain task/responsibility. i dont mean that you have to treat him like a child but, i know it just isnt in my OH's nature to know what needs done in the home etc so i have to spell it out for him when i do need something done. it is a communication thing.

with regards to him not listening when he was at the same scout thing as you, he needs to be told that its his domain and up to him. make it clear whats his job and then he'll have no reason to blame you. and dont be too hard on him if he does mess up, i forget things too. it helps if you can laugh about it and not blame each other.

naughtymummy Tue 14-Jul-09 17:51:58

I have 2 words: simply detatch. I have given DH total responsibilty for tuesdays andd yes things don't happen the same way as they would were I there but the children get to school get fed and get to bed.smile

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