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I know he's only a man, and i love him to bits, but............

(37 Posts)
imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Mon 13-Jul-09 12:16:17

I have been poorly in bed all weekend. DP has been brilliant, he has looked after DD, took her out yesterday for the afternoon. Went shopping (admittedly he got my mum to baby sit), cooked dinner x2, put dd to bed.

Great, fantastic, i am reall grateful - even though we share the parenting pretty much equally when he is around so i dont feel like he was doing my job for me or anything.

BUT is it unreasonable of me not to expect to wake up this morning to a house that looks like we have been burgled. An overflowing bin that was so squashed in that i had to fight with it to extracate all the rubbish and split the bag all over the floor? The house STINKS of fish because he has just left the cooking stuff and dinner plates (salmon) laying around (well of course he coudlnt put it in the bin could he because it was full hmm). No washing done, him asking me for clean socks this am?

Don't get me wrong, i am grateful for him for letting me languish in bed all weekend. But i still feel shitty (really weak and spaced out mostly) and i don't want to have to contend with a house that kim and aggie would condemn.

I did make a comment too him on saturday that it would help to tidy as he went along, this was after he pulled the dining table out leaving DDs pens on the floor to get trampled (dd is 3, so old enough to pick them up but needs reminding etc).

I'm being ungrateful aren't i?

MorrisZapp Mon 13-Jul-09 12:24:16

What would you do for your DP if he was the one ill in bed? And how much gratitude would you expect? Or do you just do it as a matter of course.

blinder Mon 13-Jul-09 12:25:44

I reckon he probably did his best, even if you could have done much better yourself.

Don't take on all the tidying and cleaning yourself today because you are still recovering. It's a one-off so let the housework slide for a day or two and tackle it with him when he gets home.

I don't think YABU to feel rotten at getting up to a mess, but there is no need to do all the catching up straight away. You can do it together over the week. Keep resting!

canttouchthis Mon 13-Jul-09 12:40:55

Your house isn't going anywhere, the housework can wait. It is irritating, but let it go and I think your DP sounds like he's done a great job. He put your DC first and done the shopping, cooked etc. You can't get better than that really. men don't think of housework like we do!

Get well soon, and tackle the housework when you feel better.

Trikken Mon 13-Jul-09 12:47:20

I think he probably tried his best so dont give him a hard time over it.As long as the dc are fed, clean and well thats a job well done in my book.

PrincessToadstool Mon 13-Jul-09 12:49:50

YANBU, I hope expat posts on this thread. He has done half the job and what's to be grateful about if more work is created for you?

You could manage to look after DD and the house I'm sure so why the fuck can't he? Because he has a penis?

aGalChangedHerName Mon 13-Jul-09 12:56:37

Well i'd be pissed off tbh. I don't let DH away with the @i am a man and can't manage everyhting@

If DH was in bed ill (which he never is btw) i would do everything and the odd time i am ill he does everything.

Just because they are men shouldn't excuse them from doing the whole job FFS.

aGalChangedHerName Mon 13-Jul-09 12:58:24

Meant to add he wuld annoy me and check which cycle for washing machine etc and whether it's ok to give the dc pasta x 2 but it would be done.

"I reckon he probably did his best"

"your DP sounds like he's done a great job."

"I think he probably tried his best so dont give him a hard time over it."

He is her PARTNER not her pet or child.
I hope I don't have a daughter that marries one of your sons. Men are not different creatures, they have no impediments that prevent them doing housework, they are just as capable as women of doing housework.

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Mon 13-Jul-09 13:07:18

This is a good bit - he went shopping on saturday, alone, no distractions because my mum had DD. He spent £87!! I usually spend about £60 - went to the cupboard half thinking about todays dinner - tis bare, bare i tell ya!!!

Sorry, i cracked, told him he is banned from doing shopping on his own ever again!

Gotta love him though - he tried grinand he is the worlds best daddy

mangopassionfruitshake Mon 13-Jul-09 13:11:00

Well, if it works for you, fine, but I wouldn't be happy with the division of labour you have.

blinder Mon 13-Jul-09 13:19:30

Libras - My 12YO son will make a wonderful partner one day. He already does his own washing and pulls his own weight in lots of ways. I hope he doesn't marry one of your daughters! I have a feeling they will be incredibly unreasonable and demanding.

Saying the OP's partner probably did his best is not saying he is a pet. In the circumstances, given that she was ill, that he had worked all week, and that he had a small child to care for, letting the housework slide is perfectly understandable. My advice was just for them to pull together over the week. Get off your high horse and keep your daughters to yourself.

Greensleeves Mon 13-Jul-09 13:21:45

I agree with Libra. If a father can't run the house and look after his children for a couple of days - even with a MIL to babysit while he shops - it's a pretty poor show. No excuse for leaving the kitchen and bins in a disgusting state, nobody is THAT oblivious. He knew he had left it in shit state for her to find.

I would be pissed off at his slovenliness and not "grateful" that he looked after and fed his own kid while I was ill hmm

My dh would piss himself laughing at some of the Stepford responses on here

Trikken Mon 13-Jul-09 13:28:33

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune I was not saying e was not capable of doing it, just giving him credit for everything else he had done. my dh works and helps with ds and housework when he is home, I would be knackered if I had to do everything without dh for a week whilst he was ill.

blinder Mon 13-Jul-09 13:34:18

Maybe some of us don't have Anthea Turner standards of housework (puts hand up blush). In his position, I probably wouldn't have emptied the bins either! Perhaps its more of a laziness issue than an equality issue...

OrmIrian Mon 13-Jul-09 13:45:00

I'd be pissed off too. In fact I have been in the past when this has happened. I can't relax in a grubby messy house - it's never spotless TBH but there is a basic level of essential tidiness that is essential - if I see a mess I have to clean it up.

SO no you aren't being ungrateful. But IME there is no point in making a fuss [sigh]

canttouchthis Mon 13-Jul-09 13:48:26

blinder, here's another thread we seem to have similar views on.... I also agree that housework isn't a necessity, it can wait til another day. Looking after and caring for a child is a necessity, as is cooking meals for them, which OP's DP done really well. he got his priorities right without being told what to do. Surely that deserves some merit!

It's not about Anthea Turner standard of housework it's about the house stinking of fish....

Yes yes let's all have a round of applause for the man who looked after his child and cooked his own dinner....

Greensleeves Mon 13-Jul-09 13:49:54

lol at all the "he's done really well" comments as though he had come second in a dog show

my dh would be SO insulted by that

canttouchthis Mon 13-Jul-09 13:50:58

what's wrong with dog shows, like? hmm grin

Greensleeves Mon 13-Jul-09 13:51:29

they are for DOGS

that was my point grin

canttouchthis Mon 13-Jul-09 13:52:06

"there there, you've done *extremely well* today tidying up!" is a line I use with DH just to wind him up if he's emptied the bin. If you can't laugh about it, what's the point...

canttouchthis Mon 13-Jul-09 13:53:28

and if they can empty a bin without being prompted, then it's even more of a shock and they deserve an extra pat on the back!

blinder Mon 13-Jul-09 13:58:03

I am happy to say I haven't emptied the bin for years, but if he missed it one weekend I really wouldn't get quite so het up about it as some of these ladies grin. There is definitely a touch of the Barbara Wodehouse about them!

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