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In not visiting IL's

(11 Posts)
Boys2mam Sat 11-Jul-09 09:01:50

MIL never comes to see DS (10 months).

She never calls to see how he is, she would never see him at all unless we take him to her. I'm now sick of always having to make the effort and wonder AIBU in refusing to go to visit any more.

Its only 5 mins round the corner.

KIMItheThreadSlayer Sat 11-Jul-09 09:06:55


Do something else instead

OrangeFish Sat 11-Jul-09 09:11:09

No, you are not unreasonable, but it would be a good idea to think who started this pattern. If you/your husband always did the legwork to take the child to her, she might be used to the settinng and assume that waiting for you to come is the way you want it.

Boys2mam Sat 11-Jul-09 09:11:20

I can think of loads of stuff I do instead grin and I know DS1 (5) will be pleased.

I wondered whether I was going to be told its an important relationship blah blah blah but she's a lazy cow and I'm sick of indulging her.

Boys2mam Sat 11-Jul-09 09:13:46

Thats true Orange but you'd think that if she wanted to see him she would call. She does nothing.

She has 2 other grandsons and she will pick them up and have them sleep over. They're older (8 and 6) so I understand they're 'easy' but I'm a bit confused by it all to be honest.

piscesmoon Sat 11-Jul-09 09:15:15

I would just say, breezily, 'well it's you turn to visit us-come around for coffee but give me a ring first to check we are around'-and leave it at that.

2rebecca Sat 11-Jul-09 19:04:15

Depends if she's housebound or not. If she's not seriously disabled and housebound then I'd leave it to her to contact you or your husband if she wants to see the kids unless you are particularly wanting her to babysit.
Perhaps she's just not that into small kids. Some people aren't interested in babies and toddlers and becoming a grandparent doesn't miraculously change that.
Some grandparents are overinterested in their grandchildren and won't stop visiting. Some people are lucky and the frequency with which the GPs wish to see the sprogs matches how often they want them to come round/ take the kids over.
I prefer older kids to younger ones and don't see that changing if I become a grandparent.

Boys2mam Sat 11-Jul-09 19:36:05

Thanks 2Rebecca, she's not housebound although she is currently off work with hip problems. Her car is also being used by her youngest son until he gets his back on the road, but I don't think these are the reasons for not visiting as she didn't bother prior to this. Plus, her husband is always about on a weekend so if she was that bothered, she could get her car back off DP's brother or her DH could bring her down. Or bloody well phone!!!

It bugs me that she has had her 'favourite' from his birth and its not fair on the subsequent grandkids that they don't get a look in. I don't need her to babysit, I just want her to want to see my beautiful DS sad

columbolover Sat 11-Jul-09 19:55:42

YANBU. my IL's are 2 mins walk round the corner but they never phone or visit either. They are only early 60's, retired and in good health. Dh and I thought we had good relationship with them. My dh frequently works away from home for long periods and they never get in touch even just to see if me and ds are ok on our own.
They have my BIL 6 year old daughter, my niece, to stay every weekend - have done so since her birth! - yet they rarely offer to have ds overnight. I feel really sad for my 2 year old ds, and am disappointed like you by this favouritism. I did used to visit on my days off work during the week but after 20 mins or so PIL would say to ds that its time we were leaving! So have just stopped doing this, but its v sad and am wondering what I've / we've done wrong.

You have my sympathies!

nicolamumof3 Sat 11-Jul-09 20:08:09

Some grandparents just don't like kids, i've found this out the hard way, though it amazes me just some are like this. does he have relationship with other GP?

Boys2mam Sun 12-Jul-09 06:44:22

Yes he has an excellent relationship with my parents. I'll just carry on as I am then and let the IL's come to him when they can be arsed want.

Thanks all.

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