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to not want it assumed I'm always up for ferrying someone else's child around?

(10 Posts)
Flyonthewindscreen Fri 10-Jul-09 14:44:58

Background is DS started beavers early last year and I offered to take and collect DS's friend and classmate as at that time his mother was at work on that evening and his dad would have had to take his younger DD along with him to take/collect and collect time was after her bedtime.

On the whole its been no problem (we virtually go past their house on route anyway) but it can be a nuisance as my DH has often been still at work and so I've had to take my DD with us (who is same age as DS's friend's DD), also DS's friend often runs off and is difficult to get to leave beavers sometimes, etc.

So was quite pleased when realised DS's friend will be going up to Cubs in September (DS won't do until Jan) as I thought it would break the weekly obligation and then maybe we could do it as more of a shared thing when DS goes up.

But just heard from the Beavers leader that DS's friends mother has told her that she doesn't want her DS to go up to Cubs until mine does "because KamR takes him". Cubs is on a different night from Beavers and she hasn't asked me whether it would be convenient for me.

Just read that and realise how very petty I sound. I think I'm just feeling that everyone sees me as a boring SAHM who is always available to do stuff...

Lulumama Fri 10-Jul-09 14:48:00

it;s not petty.

she has presumed that you will keep on taking her child, evne though for this to contunue, she is delaying him moving up to cubs

i would tell her it is no longer convenient every week, you are happy to take in an emergency, but not every week, which she is presuming

Lulumama Fri 10-Jul-09 14:48:24

and it is polite for favours to be asked for and reciprocated,rather than taken for granted

MamaLazarou Fri 10-Jul-09 14:52:33


She should have asked.

MrsWobble Fri 10-Jul-09 14:54:07

can you not share such that one of you takes and the other collects?

bran Fri 10-Jul-09 14:55:26

But she hasn't actually said "KamR will take him to cubs", she has said (and it's a bit chinese whispers because you didn't actually here it) "KamR takes him". I would take that to mean that you currently take him to Beavers and so it would be handy if he stayed in Beavers a bit longer.

You are sort of assuming that she is making assumptions IYSWIM, she may well be intending to share the Cubs run with you if it's on an evening that she doesn't work but hasn't had the conversation with you yet because it's so far in the future.

Why not just say to her that it will be great when they both move to cubs and you will be able to share the fetching and carrying?

cat64 Fri 10-Jul-09 14:56:02

Message withdrawn

bran Fri 10-Jul-09 14:56:08

That's "hear" not "here". blush

screamingabdab Fri 10-Jul-09 15:03:22

You don't sound petty. I am a SAHM, and happy to help others out. The problem comes when others don't seem to appreciate that you are enabling them to run their lives exactly as they want, with no reciprocity.

It is reasonable for you to take turns in collecting the children, since you are in exactly the same situation

Flyonthewindscreen Fri 10-Jul-09 21:04:43

Thanks for replies, been told just now by Beavers leader that DS's friend is definately going up to Cubs asap as there are loads on the beavers waiting list...

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