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To think dh could try to suffer in silence? Or am I a heartless wife?

(21 Posts)
janegrey Fri 10-Jul-09 13:34:37

Most years, dh has had hayfever which turns to sinusitis. Everything the GP has prescribed hasn't worked effectively.

The one year he was ok was when he consulted a homeopath/nutritionist and gave up wheat, dairy and alcohol in advance and took a homeopathic remedy. He was a lot better..but obv that's a big committment.

So this year he's back to suffering - clearly it is a miserable affliction, but does he have to make us all suffer?

Blowing his nose really, really loudly, leaving disgusting tissues around the place and generally just behaving in a man-flu sort of way.

He took a day off sick yesterday, but is back in work today - so he's not at death's door and I'm not the most patient person with sickness.

Aibu to expect him to be a bit quieter about it?

themildmanneredjanitor Fri 10-Jul-09 13:35:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory Fri 10-Jul-09 13:40:42

depends on how quiet he expects you to be when you are suffering

personally, I'd find it safer to keep the sympathy books balanced- just in case I go down with some ghastly disorder that he simply cannot understand

expatinscotland Fri 10-Jul-09 13:41:31

the leaving the tissues about is unacceptable. that's rank.

i'd have no sympathy with that kind of laziness.

idranktheteaatwork Fri 10-Jul-09 13:43:05

YANBU to not want snot rags left lying around, am assuming you have bins.

YABU to moan about him blowing his nose etc etc, hayfever is shite. I get it every year and it does make you feel like poo. Really flat, run down, headaches etc from constant blocked up nose, sicky from all the general snottyness, eyes like pissholes in the snow.
The hayfever tablets you can buy are really expensive as well so it's not feasible for most to take them on a daily basis.

Have some sympathy.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 10-Jul-09 13:43:57

YABU to think he should be ill in silence unless you are willing to do the same.

In sickness and in health..

uptheduffagain Fri 10-Jul-09 13:46:16

dh has bad hay fever, he sneezes which turns into a high pitched drives me f*ing mad, so you have my sympathies

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 10-Jul-09 13:47:54

Because of course he does it on purpose to annoy you.

I am the sneezer in this house. Just one of those things. 2 sneezes every morning and Dh knows it is nearly time to get up.

coppola Fri 10-Jul-09 13:48:09

yabu, awful hayfever is like having a very heavy cold.

Is he unsympathetic if you are ill/nasty period?

jarbelle Fri 10-Jul-09 13:51:35


I have bad hayfever and it makes the summer miserable.

Poledra Fri 10-Jul-09 13:51:46

Disgusting to leave the tissues around. Otherwise, he has my sympathy - I suffer from hayfever and am bfeeding DD3 so can't take any of the meds. It's fucking miserable.

Iklboo Fri 10-Jul-09 13:54:17

DH has a very sore throat at the moment. He is in pain, bless him, but I do wish he'd quit with the little stampy hand flappy dance he does whenever he swallows and it hurts.
Yes, dear I know you're in pain - I don't need the Pans People Interprative Dance Routine all frigging day

MamaLazarou Fri 10-Jul-09 13:54:19

YABU - the poor man, it sounds utterly miserable.

Tell him to put his hankies in the bin though - yuck!

Nose-blowing isn't nearly as annoying as the alternative - constant sniffing.

Ondine Fri 10-Jul-09 13:57:31

YANBU, fair enough if he couldn't do anything to help himself, but he could just follow the diet, which doesn't sound impossible in the slightest, and be ok so nope...... not much sympathy from me <heartless emoticon>.

JuJusDad Fri 10-Jul-09 13:58:56

as previous posters have said - YANBU leaving tissues around, YA bit BU sympathy level.

Useful bit: try here for dirt cheap hayfever pills - from 69p for pack of 30! And I got them about 2 days later.

Just check what the active ingredient is on the ones that work best for him and order the generic version.

madwomanintheattic Fri 10-Jul-09 14:02:50

lol. when dh had brain surgery i told him i wasn't taking him home until he could drink out of a cup without a lid on it.

honestly, he was totally milking it.

<i think my mil was horrified, but he did put the lidded/ straw thing down and have a normal cup of tea afterwards.>

sympathetic, moi?

<snort> at iklboo.

janegrey Fri 10-Jul-09 14:08:14

I think we're split here between the sympathisers and those like me who have a low tolerance level of non-serious but irritating illness.

I know it's miserable for him, but the tissues annoy the hell out of me, and does he have to stay in the same room and trumpet like an elephant when he's blowing his nose?

janegrey Fri 10-Jul-09 14:17:18

Oh - and he's not great if I have period pain or similar - but then I'll tend to take painkillers and go to bed rather than mope around looking for sympathy.

I must admit, I think he's milking it a bit - his late mother was a nurse and used to make a massive fuss of him when he was ill as a child - I think he expects me to do the same.

carocaro Fri 10-Jul-09 14:30:26

No not at all! YANBU. My Dh has had a rotten cough for 2-3 weeks and I lost my rag this morning as he was coughing and hacking up in the shower rg: down the plug hole, REVOLTING.

I marched him to the phone and MADE HIM make a docs appt, stood over him like he was a naughty child until the appt was made.

Am now off to the shops to get some sink and plug hold unblocker.

Tell him to pick up his damm tissue and sod off outside to blow his nose.

Have you tried that thing you shove up your nose twice a day for hayfever? Or local honey?

TheProvincialLady Fri 10-Jul-09 14:33:28

Well it is disgusting about the tissues, and if could improve his symptoms dramatically by following the diet and having a bit of self discipline, then I have no sympathy whatsoever. I have to avoid all dairy ATM because DS2 is allergic and I am BF, but it's just what you have to do sometimes.

FigmentOfYourImagination Fri 10-Jul-09 14:36:07

The tissues thing is grim.

Has his GP referred him to the allergy specialist at your local hospital ? Sounds like he should be under a Thoracic allergy specialist if he's suffering that badly and GP intervention has had nil effect.

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