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To not help my best friend?

(41 Posts)
Nancy66 Fri 10-Jul-09 11:24:30

My BF and I work in the same industry.

In order to do our jobs properly we need to own a key piece of kit.

For the past two years she has been borrowing mine. I must have lent it to her 20 times. She never voluntarily gives it back - i always have to chase her. It's not malicious she's just scatty and disorganised.

Every time she says it will be the last and she will definitely buy her own. The last time she had it, I had to chase her for its return and ended up having to reorganise my own work because of it.

she's just asked again this morning and I said no, sorry you can't keep diong this.

She's just emailed me saying she feels let down and that she has lost the commission because of me.

Now I feel awful.

Tamarto Fri 10-Jul-09 11:25:37

No it's her own fault she should have bought it herself yanbu

FigmentOfYourImagination Fri 10-Jul-09 11:27:14

tough tits.


Nekabu Fri 10-Jul-09 11:27:29

Two years is ample time for her to have got one for herself, whether secondhand or saved up and bought one new.

TheProvincialLady Fri 10-Jul-09 11:32:49

She didn't lose the commission because of you, she lost it because she doesn't own the essential piece of kit that she should have replaced 2 years ago.

AMumInScotland Fri 10-Jul-09 11:34:11

YANBU - she's been taking the piss for two years. She may feel miffed you've finally grown a backbone, but tough!

expatinscotland Fri 10-Jul-09 11:35:07

Don't feel awful.

She needs to buy her own gear.


Nancy66 Fri 10-Jul-09 11:36:00

Glad you're all saying that.

she is a good mate and she would help me out but this has been a huge bug bear for ages now.

DP says I'm a cow and I should have just lent it to her as I don't need it today....

weegiemum Fri 10-Jul-09 11:36:48

YANBU. Especially as she never voluntarily gives it back.

Am all <<nosey parker emoticon>> about what the essential bit of kit is - I clearly don't have enough to do!

BettyTurnip Fri 10-Jul-09 11:37:46

When people post messages like this I'm always too busy imagining what the mystery item/name/event/place etc could be to actually think of any sage advice.

Nancy66 Fri 10-Jul-09 11:38:25

It's recording equipment.

BettyTurnip Fri 10-Jul-09 11:38:27

grin x-post weegiemum!

WinkyWinkola Fri 10-Jul-09 11:39:06


Her work - her professional duty to provide the kit she needs for it.

expatinscotland Fri 10-Jul-09 11:39:35

I hope you're feeling better, OP. That's just lame that she's making your feel bad about her taking the piss for two years.

auntyitaly Fri 10-Jul-09 11:40:21

YANBU. She should have bought it. Do you ever borrow from her, let alone constantly use her essential kit to do your job?

She's got a cheek complaining to you, too.

flowerybeanbag Fri 10-Jul-09 11:42:22

She should have bought it herself by now, I absolutely agree.

However I think in those circumstances, if she's been able to borrow it without problem for two years, and needed it today, I would have lent it to her on this occasion but said this is the last time, you need to get your own, I won't be lending it anymore. That way she knows before the next job that she has no access to equipment, iyswim?

weegiemum Fri 10-Jul-09 11:43:26

Recording equipment? Awwww. I was just on messenger with dh and he reckoned it was a portable pole dancing pole!

kidcreoleandthecoconuts Fri 10-Jul-09 11:44:20

YANBU. She should have her own equipment. However i would probably have warned her first and said that this is the last time I'm going to lend it to her etc..

midnightexpress Fri 10-Jul-09 11:44:27

weegiemum, that's ^exactly what I was thinking. Am rather deflated.


midnightexpress Fri 10-Jul-09 11:44:51

Oh, and I agree with everyone else. YANBU.

expatinscotland Fri 10-Jul-09 11:44:54

I thought it was dominatrix equipment blush.

weegiemum Fri 10-Jul-09 11:45:12

Great minds, midnight grin

expatinscotland Fri 10-Jul-09 11:45:44

that's even worse than portable pole.

boudoiricca Fri 10-Jul-09 11:46:21

Err... am going to go against the grain and say if this were my best friend and she urgently needed this thing today and I didn't I would lend it to her, but emphasise in no uncertain terms that this is absolutely the LAST time and she HAS to get off her arse and buy one. And mean it.

But I am a wuss...

AMumInScotland Fri 10-Jul-09 11:46:28

It would maybe be different if she always returned it promptly, but she has been disrupting your work for 2 years, so she doesn't have a leg to stand on over this.

Your DP is also being unfair - ok you don't need it today, but what about all the other times you did need it, and didn't have it because she is totally thoughtless and selfish and didn't return it promptly?

She won't understand anything short of a clear "No", and she need to take responsibility for getting her own one, not disrupting your life by borriwing all the time.

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