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To be really annoyed with MIL in regards to step FILs birthday

(19 Posts)
Saltire Fri 10-Jul-09 10:11:59

Which we forgot! I simply forgot - I can't help it, int eh same way I can't help my typos on heregrin. Seriously though I get Fibrofog and lose conecntration and havememory problems. She knows this. As does DH. I ahve all the birthdyas wirtten in a diary, and I saw it written yesterday but still dind't click. Anyway alst night at about 10pm she sent a text "You forgot Step FIls birthday again, he only got 2 cards and is very upset". Now if he only got 2 cards 1 would be form her and I assume the other would be from his dad. Which means that all his brothers - he has about 5 -and my BIl and SIl also forgot.
I am so tempted to text her back and say "Actually I forgot my step dads birhtday by 3 days, but he didn't send me a text to remind me, and I forgot step MIls birthday by 2 days and she didn't text me to remind me, oh and I forgot my own brothers birthday but he also didn't text me to remind me, and you know what, when people forget mine - people such as FIL and step MIL and my own brother, I don't text them and remind them either".
But DH says that would be "petty". The same DH who also forgot his step dads birthday.
I am so pissed off with her for doing this, in fact she didn it last year as well, except that she sent both DH and I really rude text messages.
AIBU for being so annoyed at her reminding me?

sis Fri 10-Jul-09 10:18:41

But the problem is that she didn't remind you - if she had reminded you before his birthday or earlier in the day, you could have done something about it but she waited until it was too late to inform you that he was upset that his stepson's wife had forgotten his birthday. So I don't think you are being unreasonable but I won't reply to her text. Just text him to belatedly wish him a happy birthday.

insertwittynicknameHERE Fri 10-Jul-09 10:36:00

YANBU, What a horrible text and TBH I would probably send a text back along the lines of what you have written but then I can be quite mean when I want to be lol.

Why is it your job to remember your DH's relatives birthdays? Surely that is your DH's job.
DH once tried to blame me for forgetting his dads birthday I asked DH if he knew when my dads birthday was. That soon shut him up lol.

Saltire Fri 10-Jul-09 10:40:18

I would probably have realsied today or tomorrow that it was his birthday and sent a card belatadely, but now it wills eem as though its only being sent because she reminded us.
I am going to need to go into town to get one, and am feeling truly awful today, in a lot of pain and can't be bothered TBH!

TheProvincialLady Fri 10-Jul-09 10:43:10

Text her that in future it would be helpful if she reminded your DH before the event, rather than having a go at you afterwards.

insertwittynicknameHERE Fri 10-Jul-09 10:49:57

Saltire TBH if you are not feeling well don't bother today as another day isn't going to hurt is it. You could always get the DC to make one later on and get DH to drop it off.

Rindercella Fri 10-Jul-09 10:53:15

Er, why is it your responsibility to remember your step-FIL's birthday? Why is your MIL sending you a snotty text about it rather than (if she must) sending one to her son?

It is not your fault that he only got 2 cards. Shame yes, especially with what sounds like a fairly large family. But it is not your responsibility to remember the birthdays of your husband's relatives.

I would be sorely tempted to send her a short text back ala ThePL's suggestion.

proverbial Fri 10-Jul-09 10:54:25

Tell her to sod off and get a life! Are you meant to remember her cats birthday too? hmm
Seriously, your husbands mothers husbands birthday.........

Saltire Fri 10-Jul-09 10:58:06

It would need to be posted, they live just outside Edinburgh!hmm. She makes such a big deal about it all. It's not as its children, I always think it's different with children, they like getting cards to open. As I said in OP, FIl and SMIL and my brother forgot mine, compeletly forgot didn't even send a card late. I wasn't bothered by it and had in fact forgotten about it until the text from MIL reminded me. But I didn't make a fuss, nor did DH he didn't text his dad to remind him.
She has done this in the past with Dh's nan's birthday as well. The same nan who doens't bother sending cards to anyone other than her own daughters and the 2 grandchildren who live with her. But MIl was always texting DH "you forgot your nans birthday".
Then MIL got to know her dad again after years apart and he always (and his widow still does) sent the DCs £20 each at Christmas and we sent them a card and some pictures., but then she started sending Dh text messages saying "oh it's your aunti Jackies(made up name) birthday today and she didn't get a card from you". SO DH would text back and say "who's auntie Jackie". it turns out she is MILs step sister (MILs stepmothers daughter)!!

PfftTheMagicDragon Fri 10-Jul-09 10:58:08

Does your DH have memory issues? If you have a condition that affects your concentration and memory, then you are NBU to forget things and your family should allow for this.

However, what about your DH? They are his relations anyway!

insertwittynicknameHERE Fri 10-Jul-09 11:05:12

Sorry saltire I just assumed that your pils lived locally to you.

Get the DC's to make a card for him and DH to post it tonight or tomorrow. I really wouldn't bother going out to get one now especially as you are not feeling very well anyway. It is not your responsibility anyway if anyone needs to go out to buy a card it should be your DH.

Saltire Fri 10-Jul-09 11:26:51

I am going to say to DH when he mentions this - which he will again because he's like thatgrin. I'll say "so DH tell me when is my mum/stepdads/brothers birthdays?" and see what he says

mummybroccoli Fri 10-Jul-09 11:52:40

I always get told off by my step MIL too for forgetting hers/ my DF birthdays/ fathers day etc. Usually I dont forget to buy and write a card, just forget to post it in time and so it either arrives late or really late! But at least she would have the decency to send me a snotty reminder text at lunch or something so I have time to ring good old interflora!
I say send her a text saying 'really sorry bout that, I know how rubbish it is when people/ family forget your birthday!!'

LadyGlencoraPalliser Fri 10-Jul-09 12:26:19

My mum blames SIL when my DB forgets birthdays (which is always grin). I have told her in no uncertain terms that our family birthdays are nothing to do with SIL, and that I wouldn't dream of dealing with DH's family birthdays. She was horrified I think it simply never occurred to her that remembering birthdays wasn't the woman's responsibility.
You need to have this conversation with your DH. His family, his job to remember and act on it.
Disclaimer - I will allow DH access to my secret stash of cards in an emergency situation.

2rebecca Fri 10-Jul-09 14:50:03

This is your husband's problem not yours. It's very rude to remind someone that they have forgotten a birthday, if she was reminding anyone it should have been the bloke's son, not his wife.

2rebecca Fri 10-Jul-09 14:56:41

Actually seeing that he's not even your husband's dad but step dad her attitude is weird. My stepkids have never remembered my birthday, the oldest is now an adult. It really doesn't bother me, I'm just glad if they remember their dad's.
I would probably be rude to any of husband's relatives who complained at me for forgetting their clan's birthdays. That's his job. I wouldn't expect my dad to text my husband if I for got his.
All this "let the little ladies deal with the card and present buying" mentality really irritates me.

starzzz Fri 10-Jul-09 15:42:02

Maybe instead of blaming people and worrying about getting reminded, wouldnt it be easier to just keep a calendar or reminders on email of who's birthday is when?

Sorry that sounds a bit ranty, dont mean it to. Im crap at remembering inlaws days myself, and doing this has helped me loads wink

ingles2 Fri 10-Jul-09 15:48:03

YANBU Saltire... dh's family, dh's job to remember their b'days... as if you haven't got enough to do without remembering your mother in law's husbands birthday. silly mare!

readyfornumber2and3 Fri 10-Jul-09 16:38:41

YANBU if anyone should have to remember then its your DH

My MIL likes DP to send her husband a card on fathers day even though they only got together when DP was an adult and has never seen him as a father figure (and infact only tolerates him for his mums sake) because his own 2 daughters dont bother with him!
He did for a couple of years but doesnt bother now and I dont see why he should.

I dont know when any of the inlaws Birthdays are and have no desire to find out, just as I would never expect DP to know when my family Birthdays were. If DP doesnt send cards its his fault lol

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