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my mothers comments about my messy house!!

(35 Posts)
6inchnipples Fri 10-Jul-09 09:15:43

Dp and i are going to get married in a few months.

We moved house last year(because of his job)to a 2 bed cottage from a 4 bed bungalow with ample room. So we have lots of big furniture, 2 dogs and 3 kids squeezed in to our (much loved) little cottage. Its hard to keep it tidy as the kids (all under 5) make dens and paint, play etc all day.

I also have terrible episodes of backache, having one currently so unable to make too much effort with the tidying but still keeping reasonably on top of things considering. personally i feel as long as kids happy and looked after the mess not too much of a worry.

Anyway wedding dress arrived, my mum desperate to see it and have me mail pic to her. My friend here at time so qiuckly got into dress, her baby and mine climbing all over train crying to be picked up, older kids running in from garden with mucky feet hands etc, needless to say it was a quick snap.

My mum emails me back ' take a pic standing on a chair with none of that mess behind you, i didn't show that to any of the girls in the office because the place was such a state behind you'

I had joked to my friend that she'd say 'you might have tidied up first' but that was far worse. I'm so pissed off.

However later that night, and because i wasn't sure about dress i took another pic with hair and make up done etc i mailed her that too feeling it looked much better.

She rings me when she gets it and says 'i think dress is lovely, I showed it to some of the girls, Sarah pointed out you can see the ironing board in the background'

FFS!!!

WTF????

I was less patient at this point as back killing me so i told her 'tell Sarah to get a feckin life'

I'm so annoyed and pissed off and flabbergasted. I didn't ask for comments on my house, the pic was because my mum wanted to see how the dress looked not for her work mates to criticise (sp?) my home.

AIBU or is my sore back making me hypersensitive??

Trikken Fri 10-Jul-09 09:19:51

yanbu, it shouldnt matter what your house looks like, she should appreciate that you went to the effort of taking the pics of you in your dress and mailing them to her.

bradsmissus Fri 10-Jul-09 09:20:37

YANBU - have a lovely wedding and sod the mess!

TrillianAstra Fri 10-Jul-09 09:21:13

Ironing board in the background shock

Seriously, you shouldn't be bothering with ironing if you have 3 kids and 2 dogs, you're busy enough as it is

MamaLazarou Fri 10-Jul-09 09:21:43

YANBU, the rude cow. I hope your back is better soon.

Knickers0nMaHead Fri 10-Jul-09 09:22:00

tell her to come clean it if it bothers her that much. Yanbu. My house isnt spotless but id rather spend time playing with the kids than cleaning tbh.

EightiesChick Fri 10-Jul-09 09:22:57

As someone with a messy house and back pain too I know how you feel.

I've had people say similar things to the first comment and TBH I can see their point. I generally feel guilty over the state of the house so just ignore the comment.

The ironing board remark is a bit shock - do you think this was really 'Sarah' or perhaps your mum trying to make the same point again? hmm Just a thought.

I would ignore these remarks rather than start a row. It's indirect on her part so just don't respond. If you are happy that you're doing the best you can with that house, then say so if she directly says 'why is the place such a mess?' but don't engage with the indirect stuff, however hurtful it is. So, YANBU but I would still not bite back.

MamaLazarou Fri 10-Jul-09 09:24:46

On reflection, calling the OP's mum a 'cow' may have been a bit uncalled-for, sorry. blush

francagoestohollywood Fri 10-Jul-09 09:26:42

Yanbu. If this makes you feel better my mother is much worse in criticizing the way I keep the house.
When she comes to play with the dc she always try to tidy up behind my back hmm grin.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 10-Jul-09 09:27:54

fuck that, I would go further and say (slightly tongue in cheek)

"You're right my house is quite untidy, when exactly are you going to die and leave me your house"?

grin

MamaG Fri 10-Jul-09 09:28:20

<snort> at MamaLazarou!!

6inchnipples Fri 10-Jul-09 09:30:51

Thank you everyone.

Thinking i might mention to her how pissed off her comments made me.

She is very pass remarkable anyway.

Whenever she comes to visit she says at least one thing that winds me up.

Examples being when i had spent whole morning before her arrival dusting hoovering changing beds tidying etc... she picks up a scatter cushion (kids use them as trays on their laps for snacks or occasional picnic meal on their laps so they have spill stains on them from drinks etc but they are washed periodically) she says 'EM i think your cushions could do with a wash!'

Next visit having told her that the cushion line was annoying and i had cleaned all day etc... 'i always feel boggin when i leave your house' shock

Tis maybe because she doesn't have a bath when she is here. She says she doesn't bathe here because kids don't give her peace to do so and bathroom too small.

Thinking i may just ban her form visiting!!!

She would never say things like this to my brother which is why i find it so annoying and hurtful. Her house smells of fags and cooking but thats her choice.

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Fri 10-Jul-09 09:37:08

nightmare - she sounds like she has some issues

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 10-Jul-09 09:37:38

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6inchnipples Fri 10-Jul-09 09:37:38

mama call her what you like! I've called her worse (behind her back!!)

LFC i'm liking that line, if only it wasn't for my long suffering dad who lives there too!!

Thing is i feel i clean constantly. Tidying is one thing but the house is clean. By the end of eack day i make sure laundry basket empty. I hoover everyday usually more than once. My house might be untidy and cluttered with toys but it is clean.

She is just bloody rude and insensitive. Feel a big mother and daughter chat coming on.....

GiraffesCanRunA10k Fri 10-Jul-09 09:38:58

Ask her what day her and Sarah are coming round to clean then. How rude.

nametaken Fri 10-Jul-09 09:41:09

I agree with shineoncrazydiamond - your mum just wants to be proud of you in your dress.

francagoestohollywood Fri 10-Jul-09 09:41:19

I sort of agree with Shineon. Yes, my mother can pisses me off big time with her remarks, but she is lovely. Plus, thinking about it, my mum takes great pride of being a good "housewife", it is a way to get reassurance, iyswim... so I try not to get too pissed off grin

6inchnipples Fri 10-Jul-09 09:43:24

shineon is it still harmless if it upsets me??

I wish her comments bounced off me but they don't.

I feel my mum never has much positive to say to me.

When we went to try on dresses and i had to stand there in my underwear whilst the women in the shop chatted about various dresses (already feeling uncomfortable in my nursing bra, sexy breast pads and unmatching pants) my mum says 'Your thighs are starting to get like your daughters' My youngest has massive big legs (she is 9mnths) She is just hurtful.
ANd thing is i actually have quite skinny legs, fat tummy maybe but legs i'm happy with, i'm a size 14 hardly feckin obese!

6inchnipples Fri 10-Jul-09 09:47:15

franca point is my mum is never lovely. SHe is always cutting and pass remarkable. If she was a friend i'd choose not to see her as she puts me down all the time.

She is one of these people who think you should always say what you think so if for example you were feeling like shit and looked rough she'd tell you just how shit you looked.

francagoestohollywood Fri 10-Jul-09 09:51:55

Oh dear 6inch, there is more to it than the remarks on the state of your house then sad. I'm so sorry, she sounds like she has issues. I wonder why so many mothers try to dump their insecurities on their daughters so much.

Longtalljosie Fri 10-Jul-09 09:55:52

Well, just turn around and say, at least my house doesn't smell of fags.

6inchnipples Fri 10-Jul-09 10:08:22

I have often thought about commenting about the fags etc but hilariously she is hypersensitive about it and it would upset her. I don't like upseting people. Unlike my mum i don't care about peoples houses, i care about people.

Once when i stayed at her house she was smoking in the back room. I was chatting to her whilst i subtley gathered up my kids stuff , car seat coats etc as i didn't want them stinking of fags. The next day she was like ' when are you going home, i feel like a prisoner in my own home, i can't even have a fag and you're running round picking stuff up' Complete exageration of what actually happened and she made me feel like i had upset her.

Its one rule for her...

Yes franca things do run deeper, the messy house comments were just the latest in a long line of shit from my mother!!

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 10-Jul-09 10:23:08

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RumourOfAHurricane Fri 10-Jul-09 10:25:08

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