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To feel so embarrased that I cried in work....

(12 Posts)
AMAZINWOMAN Thu 09-Jul-09 10:07:27

During my appraisal as we were talking about targets etc, I completely broke down in tears. blush

So as we were talking about targets, I said I can't cope with another year like the one I've just had. I work part time, but according to records I work with more people than full timers in different regions.

I find my job exhausting as I work with people giving tailored advice. I work alone in an office too, so don't have any work colleagues really to have a laugh with. (I am working towards a new job though)

But I find my job so tiring. As I'm a widow with kids, I don't get a chance to recharge my batteries at home either.

I think I have SAD too.

We need to finish my appraisal next week, but I feel really embarrassed that I broke down. I don't want to face my boss again now
as he thinks I can't cope.

stressybessy Thu 09-Jul-09 10:13:27

Well, I've cried in work before, you will get over it but it's sooo excruciating...

I'd reckon you've got two choices, either make light of it, say it was PMT or something (yes i KNOW that is sort of against feminism and all that but hey sometimes a white lie works) and struggle on with things as they are. Else try and deal with it properly, ie explain fully to your boss what the problems are.

Maybe before your next meeting send an email as a sort of agenda, so that your boss has the facts and you might not have to recount them all and feel emotional about it again...

I would suggest maybe your boss has no idea what's going, especially if you work alone for the most part.

hope you feel better soon...

JesuslovesCatholicSchools Thu 09-Jul-09 10:19:03

hay, they have a duty of care towards you - i bet he is shiting himself incase you look for legal advice or something -if you havent been given the support to do your job.

i was accused of saying something in a meeting that i didn't - i was surprised at the accusor - as i thought he was a friend. sudenly i couldn't stop crying - i was so heartily offended - thats the only time i ever cried at work.

FimbleHobbs Thu 09-Jul-09 10:21:41

It is mortifying I know but be kind to yourself - remember your boss is probably feeling terrible that he hadn't seen the pressure/hadn't done anything about it. Hes the one who should be embarrassed.
Look after yourself.

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Thu 09-Jul-09 10:21:47

oh, poor you - its horrible when the pressure gets too much. You sound like you have a lot on your plate outside of work - are you getting help with that at all? I am very sorry to hear you lost your husband.

Maybe your employer needs to look at ways of making your job more pleasurable and taking some of the pressure off. You cannot function 100% if they keep giving you more and more to do, something has to give.

Maybe you could write a list of things you feel that they can change, after all, an appraisal is a two way thing.

Might it help for you to get some counselling outside of work?

LivingLaVidaLurker2 Thu 09-Jul-09 10:25:29

Please don't be embarrassed - it's a completely natural reaction if you're feeling under that much pressure. Your work performance will show that you are coping, even if it feels like you aren't.

I would send an e-mail or talk to your manager in advance of the next meeting. Simply state that you are looking forward to finishing the appraisal and attach a list of the areas you particularly want to discuss so that you are in control of the meeting.

Having worked in HR, I have had many meetings with employees who would cry. I took it as a sign that the company needed to give them extra support rather than any weakness on their part.

Good luck and don't worry. I imagine that more people than you realise have had a cry at work at some point.

AMAZINWOMAN Thu 09-Jul-09 10:26:50

Thanks stressybessy for taking the time to reply.

Luckily, my boss knows me well as we used to work together. He has even confided in me in the past.

So he knows I do get on with things and just bottle things up. It's just me I see it as a weakness for crying.

He was really supportive and we discussed a few things to make things better as he doesn't want me to leave.

I also told him about how the beravement is still affecting me, which he didn't know. mainly that the shock of it all affected my brain for a lot longer than anyone knew.Just because I returned to work didn't mean I was back to normal.

still feel silly

blueshoes Thu 09-Jul-09 10:30:15

Hello Amazin, it sounds like you are having a hard time, as anyone in your position would. Try not to be hard on yourself. You are doing a great job holding it together for so long.

Don't worry about breaking down in front your boss. Turn it around by arranging a follow up meeting. At the meeting, just mention something vague about the tears. I am warming to PMT, because it is the sort of sexist rationalisation that men tell themselves which allows you to draw a line as a one-off incident and quickly move on.

Then address the issue of targets and how you think realistically your work conditions could be improved.

And if it does not improve, you are working towards a new job anyway, so you are taking steps to get out of your less than ideal situation.

Can you carve out some time for yourself eg send the dcs to grandparents over the summer break? You desperately need some recharging time, as you identified, to get into a better frame of mind. Please make the time to take care of yourself.

blueshoes Thu 09-Jul-09 10:34:36

Hey Amazin, your boss sounds very understanding. Believe me, he would bend over backwards to make allowances for your recent loss.

Don't worry about completing the appraisal within the week. I doubt if it is high on the agenda in the light of the TLC you so clearly require at this time. Really sorry for your loss - please give yourself time and space.

AMAZINWOMAN Thu 09-Jul-09 10:41:02

I come from a very dysfunctional family and they have no relationship at all with my kids, despite me trying. There is absolutely no way they could cope or even want to be with my kids for an hour, never mind a few days.

I have booked a holiday though as I'm desperate for a break.

blueshoes Thu 09-Jul-09 10:56:12

That is a very good idea. You are still adjusting so do be kind to yourself. Sad to hear your family are not supportive or helpful.

Did you say you just went back to work after your bereavement? It must be so very hard.

EyeballsintheSky Thu 09-Jul-09 11:01:09

No work related advice but don't feel embarrassed. I cry in work regularly, as recently as yesterday. I always feel mortified but it's soon forgotten. I think everyone in my office has sobbed openly at some point. It doesn't say much for where I work wink

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