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To be pissed off at my homestart volunteer?

(36 Posts)
MsChievous Wed 08-Jul-09 11:46:27

She cancelled our meeting today last night (thanks for the notice), and wanted to see me tomorrow, but i am going to a group tomorrow which is also homestart based so asked her to come along in the afternoon or a different day.

She has now realised that it was a homestart group and has invited herself along, and has worded it in a way that leaves me no choice.

I am really pissed off because I haven't been going that long and am just trying to get to know people, and now she is coming I won't be able to do that.

I don't have any friends around here and like to have them seperate as it also helps fill out my otherwise very lonely and adult lacking week.

AIBU to have at least expected the option of not having her there? angry

Yurtgirl Wed 08-Jul-09 11:56:35

I am a homestart volunteer, but not yours Obviously

I understand why you are cross

Call the your local homestart office and explain exactly as you have here on MN

A HS organiser worth their salt would understand and call the volunteer accordingly

If it doesnt suit you it isnt helpful - which isnt what Homestart is about! It really isnt up to her to decide how to be part of your life - if you dont like the arrandement phone the office and say so

I have an "adult lacking week" too - its one of the reasons I volunteer for Homestart!


MsChievous Wed 08-Jul-09 11:57:21

I obviously am.

Don't get me wrong, I have really appreciated her support but she cancels so often and is always late, which just makes me anxious, some times she has even just not turned up.

But I don't have any friends so I look past that (something my counseller will say i do a lot, having to have relationships where i put up with crap just so as i actually have a friend) but sometimes i have felt sick with anxiousness at waiting for her

And now I have to have her in the group i am trying to make friends with.

She also has a history of telling people who have come into my house that she is my home start volunteer, when it should be kept confidential

MsChievous Wed 08-Jul-09 12:00:27

Thank you YG, I find it really hard to call the organiser over any of this because I feel like I am grassing her in (yet she has written a letter with supposedly confidential stuff in to my CAF meetings)

Argh, fgs, why do i always find it so hard to stand up for myself?

Yurtgirl Wed 08-Jul-09 12:03:02

Oh dear MsChievous she sounds a bit rubbish

As a homestart volunteer we are told to be reliable, turn up on time every week unless unavoidable
Try not to cancel - and if we do give plenty of notice

And never tell anyone who we visit and never talk to the clients friends/guests about who we are - she should say if asked "Oh I am just a friend"

The fact that her not turning up makes you anxious makes me feel cross tbh (I too suffer from anxiety)
If she volunteered in my area our HS organiser would sit her down and tell her off tbh

Honestly call the office and tell them what you told me - if you dont feel able to I would be happy to do that for you, no trouble

queenrollo Wed 08-Jul-09 12:04:32

i'm not sure exactly how Homestart works but i get the impression she is supposed to be giving you support and a side effect of that should be to help you build self-confidence. It sounds like she is actually doing the opposite and undermining you.

You should call the organiser, aside from being let down she is breaching confidentiality. Could that have any other consequences for you? and if not for you then it could for other people she is placed with.


Northernlurker Wed 08-Jul-09 12:04:32

Right well she isn't helping you is she? I don't think she's the right person for you and they should find you somebody else who will be reliable and responsive. Do call the co-ordinator - you won't be the first to find a relationship just isn't clicking

Yurtgirl Wed 08-Jul-09 12:05:02

She is unreliable
She has broken confidentiality several times

Honest if I behaved like that I would get a telling off from my super dooper organiser

Its isnt grassing it is organising things so it is helpful for you - if her behaviour makes you cross or anxious, it isnt helpful

hullygully Wed 08-Jul-09 12:06:25

She's rubbish. Get a new one.

MsChievous Wed 08-Jul-09 12:16:10

Yes, her breaching the confidentiality IS having a knock on effect, now the CAF meeting think my house is unsafe, when it isn't, because I don't have a child gate up all the time, I usually keep an eye on DS, and i have a pressure one that I put up if i need it, because i don't have a fire guard up, well i have only used the fire twice since i have been there, so i keep the bulky guard in the other room.

And now the caf meeting think my house is unsafe.

I also felt like I could talk to her and spoke to her about some things regarding my XP, which wasn't going to affect my or DSs safety, but i had the organiser asking about it, I feel like anything i tell her goes straight back to HQ.

I don't know if there are any other volunteers in the area, she has been coming for around 8 months now (and has been on time once) so i think she might get a bit cross with me if i complain now.

LovingTheRain Wed 08-Jul-09 12:18:50

YANBU, your homestart volunteer is out of order!

I know it may be uncomfortable to complain about her but what she does is wrong. Maybe there is someone else in your area you could have instead?

Hope it works out okay

Yurtgirl Wed 08-Jul-09 12:21:57

Dont worry about her feelings!

Honestly the 'client' needs to be happy with the volunteer (as does the volunteer working with the client but the volunteers feelings are less important)

In my area we sit through 5 days of 4 hours each of training - she clearly has forgotten hers

Phone the office!

What is CAF btw I have no idea!

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Jul-09 12:29:23

Message withdrawn

MsChievous Wed 08-Jul-09 12:29:58

CAF = Common Assessment Framework

Basically I told my HV that I was struggling, I was an Anti D's and found everyday life really hard so they have set up CAF meetings, it is a meeting where all the professionals involved with me, Dr, HV, Homestart, Childrens centre, Housing, SS (they have left now though because they are satisfied with my parenting) and they see if there is anything they can do to help me and to see how i am getting on.

I might 'drop by' their office later, I would rather speak face to face so i don't chicken out, and so i can explain properly

wonderingwondering Wed 08-Jul-09 12:31:28

CAF is the Common Assessment Form. It is used by childcare professionals to record contact with a family (the idea is they all use one form).

OP, you must speak to your HS co-ordinator/organiser and explain that you have some concerns. You are not making a complaint, so much as asking for clarification of HS's role. So you can say - why is your volunteer telling people she's a HS volunteer? Is that right? And why/how is she involved with the CAF process? And explain that at the groups you prefer to go alone, so the co-ordinator can pass that message on. And a for being late/cancelling, you also need to explain that to the co-ordinator.

They should have experience of dealing with points that you need to make, and can help you work out what should happen. It might mean a new volunteer, or some guidance for your existing one.

But don't feel you can't discuss it with the HS office, that is what they are there for. Good luck.

MsChievous Wed 08-Jul-09 12:33:32

Mine isn't even an open one, it is just a little gas one, and there is no way DS could turn it on, i struggle to anyway, no way he could do it.

I live in Stamford/lincolnshire and have posted in 'meet ups' looking for a MN meetup before, it would seem there aren't any of you around here sad

Local MN?

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Jul-09 12:39:20

Message withdrawn

MsChievous Wed 08-Jul-09 12:43:00

I think good pals would be better, I always feel that once 'my' time is over that I shouldn't talk to/hassle her. I just find it really hard to make new friends because XP stripped my confidence.

I actually had a friend come down to see me from lancaster, and it was great to have a friend, but now she has gone back and I have had that taste of a 'girl' friend, I now feel super lonely again.

Yurtgirl Wed 08-Jul-09 12:45:11

For MN local look along the pale blue strip along the top of any MN page, if you click on local you should get a list of people who live nearish to you and any events/activities that may be happening


MissSunny Wed 08-Jul-09 12:49:13

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Jul-09 12:50:45

Message withdrawn

Yurtgirl Wed 08-Jul-09 12:53:57


Training in our area is 9:45 till 1 for about 5 days spread over 3 weeks

Ours was really good fun
On going training and coffee mornings
Plus a evening meetups every other month

MsChievous Wed 08-Jul-09 12:58:01

I fear I am one of those nutters you speak about Shiney (remember chip man?)

I am 22 with one DS (you are on my fb so you can see )

I have just posted to see if anyone wants to meet up in MN local, i don't hold out much hope though because hardly anyone has posted on there recently

mumblechum Wed 08-Jul-09 13:03:07

Miss Sunny, you could also try the Barnardo's Support 4 Families which is v. similar. I'm a volunteer for that scheme and absolutely love it, and hopefully the mum I support enjoys it too.

The training for me was 7 weeks on a Monday morning.

MissSunny Wed 08-Jul-09 13:17:15

Message withdrawn

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