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AIBU for feeling there's so much pressure on parents to be constantly educating?

(17 Posts)
laumiere Wed 08-Jul-09 11:40:55

This rant brought to you by my feeling guilty, as DS1(3) has speech issues and DH and I have been told to speak as much as possible around him. DH works nights so it's basically me, a non-verbal toddler and a 5 month-old all day.

If I'm not jabbering all the time I feel like I'm not being fair to DS, but I just want to be quiet and do MN occasionally! Not to mention it's really tiring holding conversations with yourself all the time!

Probably a bad mother but have sat DS1 in front of Cbeebies for the day so I can get the washing done.

poshsinglemum Wed 08-Jul-09 13:38:39

YANBU- they can learn a lot through unstrctured play. You can always chat to them whilst on mumsnet. I do think that it's important to educate kids about a lot of things though but you don't have to be on top of them 24/7.

bigchris Wed 08-Jul-09 13:41:17

yanbu

there is a lot of talking on beebies therefore allowing you to mumsnet in peace

just keep talking to him when you're out and about and at mealtimes, it doesnt need to be non stop prattling

i'm sure you're doing fine xxx

MIAonline Wed 08-Jul-09 13:48:08

'Probably a bad mother but have sat DS1 in front of Cbeebies for the day so I can get the washing done' As long as you don't actually mean for 'the day' I think it will actually be good for him. grin

Agree with bigchris, that you don't need to be constantly talking, it would send you mad.

Just general chit chat and talking through an activity is fine.

Have you got any groups you can go to or have people over, I think other children often help each others speech come on, plus you can have a break!.

YANBU

belgo Wed 08-Jul-09 13:50:46

YANBU.

It is hard to constantly talk in a clear voice to teach your child to talk.

My dds are being brought up bilingual, but I am virtually their only english influence, and hence I do feel 'blamed' that they don't speak very good english - at least not yet.

crokky Wed 08-Jul-09 13:54:56

Make sure he watches Something Special on CBeebies - my DS (3) and my DD (1) absolutely adore it, both copy the signs and the speech. My DS has a bit of speech delay, but it has been improved hugely by starting at a school nursery part time (just when he turned 3) - could you try this? Someone told me or I read somewhere that a nursery of a school is the best sort of nursery to deal with speech issues at this age.

katiestar Wed 08-Jul-09 17:08:40

What kind of speech issues does he have ?

bronze Wed 08-Jul-09 17:11:23

I think just doing stuff with then abd sticking them in front of cbeebies occasionally is educating them.

myredcardigan Wed 08-Jul-09 17:16:18

YANBU, nor are you a bad mum. Just talk to him when your out for a walk or at lunchtime. Try to bring lots of everyday words into the conversation. I'm sure your son, just like you, must find constant conversation tiring.

twoluvlykids Wed 08-Jul-09 17:19:48

what about putting on the radio/cd and singing along?

the dc's don't usually notice out of tune/time singing either!

TotalChaos Wed 08-Jul-09 17:25:24

do you mean your DS has a language delay? if so, having been down that path, I'ld say a mix of two approaches - 1/2 "quality time" where you just focus on your DS and his favourite toys/games/activities, and then make a conscious effort to talk him through day to day routines - meals/dress/bath etc.

you might also find it helpful to do a Hanen course if your local SALT department do these, or read one of the Hanen books - lots of practical advice about helping kids with language delay, including useful stuff about non-verbal communication, and conversational "turns" that might be sounds or gestures rather than words, and encouraging better "turns" and longer conversations

TotalChaos Wed 08-Jul-09 17:26:31

oops my post doesn't make sense - I meant 1/2 hour day "quality time".

laumiere Wed 08-Jul-09 18:24:12

Katie and Total I guess he has a speech delay, in that he cannot make any words, and communicates non-verbally (born with cerebral palsy). He goes to nursery 4 afternoons a week, but it's only termtime.

I do put the radio on sometimes for a break!

TotalChaos Wed 08-Jul-09 21:49:47

oh OK scrub what I said then, as I have no experience of pronunciation/physical speech production problems, just language problems. I am surprised that you haven't had more focussed advice than just to talk lots! Have to say I didn't find DS's first nursery did a thing for his language development, but others have had more positive experiences.

also I take back my suggestions re:Hanen - as they don't address physical speech production problems at all really.

do you use signing or PECs with him at all?

DesperateHousewifeToo Wed 08-Jul-09 22:09:33

TotalChaos' suggestions are still appropriate for your ds, laumiere.

Many children with cp are language delayed expressively and receptively (i.e. speaking and understanding) because they are less able to explore their world because of their physical disability.

Therefore, talking to them about what they are doing or showing interest in is important.

However, you do not need to talk to them constantlysmile Think what it is like when someone constantly talks and never stops...you eventually switch off and stop listening yourself because you can't bear it anymore, lol.

Therefore, quality communication is best. Focus on times when you can sit with him and talk to him about what he is doing or what you are doing together (rather than him thinking about a bus driving past and you telling him about what you wil be doing tomorrow, iyswim).

Cbeebies is not 'the devil', especially if it keeps you sane grin

I hope that helps a little.

laumiere Thu 09-Jul-09 11:37:40

Total No offence meant, and yes, he does use some PECS.

Desperate His receptive language is about where it should be, but his expressive is almost nil. We struggle a little with quality time as he has issues with eye-contact and keeping his attention on you rather than what he's doing!

DesperateHousewifeToo Thu 09-Jul-09 12:37:26

One boy I worked with (with cp) used to be able to see things better using his peripheral vision. So when using his communication book (he was non-verbal), he would tend to look to his right in order to see the page on his left and then to select the picture/symbol he wanted with his finger. It took us a few years to work this out though and to stop trying to get him to look straight at everything.

I know where you are coming from with regard to spending all day with someone who is non-verbal.

I used to also work in a secondary school and at the time had 5 non-verbal students that I would see there. After 5 hours of onene with non-verbal students, I was knackered! I used to find out lots of gossip though, lol!

And, of course, I came home at the end of the day smile

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