AIBU to be totally pissed off with this

[pickyvic]

DD wanted to do Lifestyle this year. she has decided to do it with THE most annoyingly bitchy little cow, (and two other not so horrible children,) but the crunch is that this horrible childs mother has decided that their charity of choice is the catholic church!!!!! now scuse me but when did the bloody catholic church need charity?
how am i meant to go cap in hand to all and sundry for sponsorship and explain with a straight face that its for one of the richest institutions in the world?

and i said from the word go that i couldnt get heavily involved as i work full time and have a voluntary job of my own, yet somehow now its "well if you can just bake for the cake stall" and "if you can come on the sponsored walk" and "if you can find something for the tombola" and tbh honest DD has been in tears about it more times than enough already because bitchyknickers is always going on at her as DD has things like her birthday that have gotten in the way of bitchyknickers plans for raising money for the catholic church! (we are out this weekend for her birthday and she has given my DD a hard time over it!)

should i have just put my foot down to begin with? ive told my dd to either stop regaling me with tales about how nasty this child is and pull out or put up and shut up! this school hols is going to very very very l-o-n-g i fear....i am soooooo very pissed off but am i being unreasonable to be so?

go on. i can take it. i think. just dont be too hard - it might push me over the edge!

[tiredemma]

This would piss me off. I wouldnt put a penny towards something like the Catholic Church- or any church for that matter.

[RenagadeMum]

Go have a glass of wine, say a hail mary and start breathing again.

Go on, go on, go on...

[crokky]

before I decide whether YABU...

-what is lifestyle?
-how old is DD?

[Greensleeves]

I agree wholeheartedly, the mealy hypocritical fuckers wouldn't be getting a penny out of me

BUT you are going to get roasted until nicely crackly for your language about the other child......[edges away]

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

YANBU but I'm not sure what lifestyle is. If you are all raising money shouldn't you agree on the cause? I don't think it's fair of this girl's mum to just decide. If your DD doesn't want to do it anymore I'd just get her to drop out.

[nickytwotimes]

I am a catholic and I wouldn't donate money to the church, other than at mass. The Pope lives ina fecking art gallery fgs. (Thank you, Fr Dougal Macguire)
Is it definitely the chuch itself, or is it one of the charitable organisations associated with it, like SCIAF, which do actually do some really good stuff?

And, um, bracr yourself for comments re: 'bitchy'.

[pickyvic]

ok - sorry for using emotive language over the other child but she is really very bitchy, if my DD phones her to ask something she barks "oh for gods sake...." like she is old enough to be her mother! she talks to her like dirt and my dd always takes it on the chin. it annoys me. they are all about 12/13.

and lifestyle is a community project for good causes - the children get into groups and do some good for the local community, raise money etc for good local community causes. which i dont see the church as being....sorry!

[pickyvic]

nickytwotimes its the church itself getting the money! ive asked the mother! i said if it was CAFOD id not have minded so much!

[nickytwotimes]

Well, that would seriously irk me too, pickyvic. Yanbu at all.

[Greensleeves]

Is there another group your dd could join? Or could she do something herself?

I wouldn't be happy with a child of mine wasting their time and others' money amassing funds for that greedy bunch of toads

[Noonki]

yanbu - i would be actually refuse to give you any money and I normally dish out if I've got any spare.

obviously you need to question your view about this child. Pretty harsh.

If she is that bad you need to talk to your dd.

[pickyvic]

ive asked DD if she wants to pull out but they have to fill in all this paper work and send it off somewhere to say what they are doing/who for/ who is involved etc and all that paperwork has been done. she really wants to do it but its just for the sake of doing it iykwim? she has asked to do it before and ive just not had time to organise a group myself - they have to have a "coordinating adult" and its something that gets promoted yearly in schools - our local neighbourhood police team gets involved (thats who i volunteer for when i work as a special constable!) because it keeps the kids occupied over the summer hols....the idea is a great one but im just not happy about this particular cause or the group she is working with.

[Lulubee]

Why didn't you object before the paperwork was filled in? If it's now too late, think you're just going to have to suck it up. But you can still impress upon your child/her friend/her friend's mother that you really don't have the time to get involved. Then just be there with a box of tissues to mop up your DD's tears for the next term...

[SolidGoldBrass]

Well I wouldn't be volunteering a second of my time to help any church end of. If it was my DS I would be inclined to say that I didn;t approve of the cause and given the aggro, let's do something else instead.

[pickyvic]

i didnt know the paper work was even done! she has only just told me all this and that its for the church so i rang to clarify with another mother who confirmed its going to the church and not a charitable organisation - like i said i wouldnt mind it going to a catholic charity but not just back to the church themselves. they really really dont need it.

i feel like ive been caught up in a whirlwind with all this - i agreed to nothing! yet its all done and dusted!

not a happy bunny. and im holding DD responsible to some degree for just rushing into it without properly clearing it with me first, but youd expect another parent to fill me in on the plans wouldnt you? especially if im getting roped into it even if its only baking/buying for raffles etc.

i really really wish she would say she was pulling out.

[crokky]

YANBU!

Could they change the charity, but still keep the rest of the paperwork the same? How is it fair if all the members didn't choose the charity.

[pickyvic]

ooo sorry x posts....that was to lulubee...

[abraid]

I'm not even sure there is a registered charity called 'The Catholic Church', tbh. And I am one. This sounds very odd.

[ConnieComplaint]

I'm Catholic & I would be peeved about this too!!

How did this girl's mum come to be the one to decide what the money would go to? Surely it has to be fair???

I'd take dd out of it & let her join a different group next yr.

[pickyvic]

crokky ive already made my displeasure well and truly known but it seems they are going to continue with it. apparently its not about the money (yeah....right!) its about getting involved in the community.(!)

im not going to win this one - pushy daughter with pushy mother dead set on giving to the church.

ive told them in not asking anyone for sponsorship and ive told my dd the same, but i feel so awful for her - she is doing an 8 mile walk for nothing! (ill give her some but im not asking other people in this climate to sponsor her to give to the bloody catholic church! im not even sodding catholic!) gggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrr!

[pickyvic]

just nipping off to get DD to bed....ill be back!

[anonandlikeit]

Its Voluntary, if it causes you all that much aggro just say NO!
Let her help a neighbour with some housework, help a pensioner in the garden. etc etc there is always something to do.

Costs nothing & the satisfaction your daughter will receive will be far far greater & not to mention the positive effect it will have on the person she is helping.

[pickyvic]

ive calmed down a bit tho' i have to say im just so unhappy that she is going to be putting in so much work when i know she isnt going to get any sponsors because of the cause its going to! she said that the pushy girl decided the "charity" and as her mother is the adult co ordinator she just did it! no consultation with anyone else at all. this was confirmed by the other mother i spoke to also. id really like to say NO but its hard because DD thinks she is doing something great although i think she realises now that the choice of cause is not going to help them. im in a bit of a dilemma. i want to say no but then i seem like a churlish moo and i should have said no to start with not half way through! aaaarrrrhhhhh!

[MadameDefarge]

Well, I think this is the great thing about being the adult, we can put our foot down with other adults and the kids are fine.

Be the grown up here, talk to other parent, say categorically this is not something you support, suggest another charity.

Explain this is a hard one for you, but you are determined.

Also, talk to other girls mother, dont let other girl dictate terms of engagement. This is an adult led activity, you dd needs to know you are also in charge, and will protect her interests.