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to be annoyed that another mother kept interfering when I was talking to ds this afternoon?

(19 Posts)
deaconblue Mon 06-Jul-09 21:02:16

Took ds (3) and dd(1) to a coffee afternoon at the house of a woman who I know fairly well but isn't really a friend iyswim. Her ds (5) took a toy away from ds without her noticing (no big deal at all). When my ds whinged about it I passed him a different toy which he threw aside. I told him off, asked him to pick it up and put it down again gently and he apologised. She then piped up "no throwing in this house shoppingbags' ds, that's unkind"
Also he has a cough. I regularly reminded him to cover his mouth but he's 3 so often didn't. She kept saying "cover your mouth shoppingbags' ds, it's not nice to cough everywhere"
All this is no big deal but I was irritated by the constant interference.

knockedgymnast Mon 06-Jul-09 21:20:20

Where there any other parent and children there??

It does all seem a bit intense and there's nothing worse when you're telling your child someting, to have someone else echo what you've just said.

It sounds like she was trying to 'help' her way grin

On the plus side, you don't have to go around again.

and no, I don't think you are being unreasonable to be irritated

Bumperlicious Mon 06-Jul-09 21:20:33

Hmm, tough one, you are right to be a bit annoyed but I would want to cause a scene. I would have perhaps said pointedly, 'Don't worry, DS is putting it down nicely now aren't you DS' to acknowledge that he did the right thing, and to reiterate it to her.

It is quite easy to be interfering though, when you thing you are being helpful. I fear I might be a bit like that.

I keep saying to my friend's little girl who is starting to talk 'can you say 'help' XXXX?' when doing stuff for her, as that is how I stopped my DD going 'uh uh' when she wanted something. But to my friend that may sound interfering blush

knockedgymnast Mon 06-Jul-09 21:20:44

* Were

Overmydeadbody Mon 06-Jul-09 21:25:11

I don't think it sounds interfering actually, sounds more like she was just interacting with your DS.

If I have kids round at my house, even with the parents, I will still interact with them, remind them of house rules, intervene if they are doing something I don;t want them to be doing, and I do it without thinking really (it's the teacher in me) and wouldn't like it if the parent thought I was interfering.

So, yabu. She wasn't undermining ou or anything.

Bumperlicious Mon 06-Jul-09 21:26:35

Oooh, that's I wouldn't want to cause a scene blush

deaconblue Mon 06-Jul-09 21:34:11

would you remind them of house rules straight after their parent had reminded them though Overmydeadbody?
Yes think I will probably just see her when we meet up here or at other friends' houses. She's part of a group of friends rather than a proper friend of mine really.

coppola Mon 06-Jul-09 21:36:49

oh god I never parent someone elses child when their parent is around and a friend/coffee type acquaintance, I think it is a complete faux pas.

coppola Mon 06-Jul-09 21:37:12

(or... YANBU!)

deaconblue Mon 06-Jul-09 21:38:55

I think if I had ignored him chucking the toy or wasn't reminding him about covering his mouth then probably fair enough (although I usually avoid telling off someone else's child even then tbh)

fruitstick Mon 06-Jul-09 21:45:19

I think you are being unreasonable.

As you had just told your DS what you expected, she was merely reinforcing the message. I often welcome other adults doing this as I like DS to get the message from as many sources as possible (and not just his evil mother grin). I often ask other people to tell him even if they don't volunteer.

I also do this to other children which I suddenly realise could be very irritating blush.

I think it is important for children to learn that they need to accept authority from a variety of people, not just their parents and if they go to someone's house they are to do as the householder tells them (even if the rules are different at home).

largeginandtonic Mon 06-Jul-09 21:49:49

It would drive me mad.

YANBU

You should have done the same to her dc so she could see how annoying it is grin

fruitstick Mon 06-Jul-09 21:51:45

Have now realised I am probably really annoying and can only ever invite overmydeadbody round for coffee grin

deaconblue Mon 06-Jul-09 21:54:15

lol fruitstick

deaconblue Mon 06-Jul-09 21:55:42

I did say loudly "don't worry ds I'm sure annoying woman's ds will share his toy soon" after she'd not noticed her son taking the toy from ds

ReneRusso Mon 06-Jul-09 21:56:20

She may have just been backing you up. YAB a bit sensitive possibly

booyhoo Mon 06-Jul-09 22:23:16

my parents and sis all seem to have a habit of doing this with ds (3) I do find it quite irritating but understand that they are only trying to reinforce the message. i tend now to bring him directly to me or go to him and speak in a lower quieter voice that doesnt invite others to involve themselves.

however, if anyone other than my immediate family did this while i was there and already dealing with ds then i wouldnt like it and im afraid would have to ask them not to after the first time so they got the message that it wasnt necessary. i wouldnt say anything in an accusatory way, i would simply say that i didnt want ds to feel as though everyone was having a go at him and that once something is said then thats it over with.

Heated Mon 06-Jul-09 22:40:10

A father of one of the dc's friends does this: DD(3) was climbing up to see over the low front garden fence to people-watch, and I mildly said, "Get down dd" but gave her that look. He booms, "HEATED'S DD, DOWN! NOW!" like she's a dog, and then smugly tells me, as dd scuttles behind my skirts, "It's all in the voice."

2rebecca Tue 07-Jul-09 14:02:03

It sounds irritating to me, but then I'm antisocial and didn't do the coffeee morning thing when the kids were young. I went to 1 mothers and toddlers group meeting and hated it, stuck to gym teds and kiddie swimming lessons when toddlers, then got involved with playgroup when they were 2 1/2. I think soem women feel they have to mix with lots of fellow parents they have little in common with except sprogs of a similar age when they have children, hense all the school gates melodramatic tosh. I found other people talking about their kids boring before I had kids and equally boring after I had kids.
If you're less antisocial than me though you'll just have to accept this sort of well meaning but irritating stuff. Did the kids enjoy themselves?

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