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Suitable consequences for 18 year old?

(13 Posts)
LovingTheRain Mon 06-Jul-09 09:30:55

Was at my sister's yesterday when her DS (18) was asking her to get him his clothes, find this, find that etc etc. Her DD is 21 and often comes to my house and sometimes babysits for me etc so i hear all about my nephew's behaviour but hadn't really seen him be like that so i was a bit shock

Then one of his friend's rung and my neice told him he couldn't come to the phone as he was in the shower going to meet someone. He then punches her hard (twice) as she shouldn't have told this friend he was meeting someone else.She told him she didn't know and he told her she should have done and called her some very rude names. My sister did nothing. I was even more shock and angry

He then demanded that my neice take him to his friend's house and my sister said "Oh go on blah balh blah". shock
I asked if she thought his behaviour was unreasonable. She told me he couldn't drive and it was far too hit for him to walk etc.

Maybe i live in a parallel universe as she seems to think it was fine! Is this what teenage boys are like?

The way i saw it was he demanded clean clothes from his mum, hit his sister when she made a phone error, then demanded a lift and my sister did nothing the whole time and by not telling him off surely on some level she is telling him this is okay?

I feel very protective over my neice (as you can probably tell!!) as i feel she is treated unfairly and also bullied by her brother.

When my neice had gone to take her brother, i asked my sister whether she thought it was okay and she responded that my neice provokes him. Didn't look that way to me.

I told her if he was my son, each time he did something like that i'd dish out a punishment for example, 'because you have hit your sister, the next time you want a lift you are not getting one'.

My sister told me that was far too harsh and how else would he get there as he couldn't drive is too hot to walk places etc etc.

Use is LEGS and walk is how! Or public transport.

So my AIBUs ( if you're still reading grin ) are:
1. AIBU in thinking my nephew is acting like a bully to both his mum and sister.

2. Does anyone (apart from me) think that my sister is wrong to allow this behaviour?

3. Was the punishment i would use if he was my son unreasonable?

LovingTheRain Mon 06-Jul-09 09:33:02

* hot*

*
use his legs

hobbgoblin Mon 06-Jul-09 09:34:51

You must mean 18 months and 21 months!

I know you don't but his behaviour is so totally way out of order for an adult I am shocked.

So he is assaulting his sister as a grown man?

I think he needs to be treated as an adult so maybe he can learn to be one. I'd not allow him to continue living at home under those circumstances - not when he is old enough to fend for himself and be adult and responsible, esp. on the not assaulting people front.

mumblechum Mon 06-Jul-09 09:35:46

1. No.
2. Definitely
3. No.

She's made herself and her daughter into doormats by the sound of it. I'm willing to bet my savings that his dad doesn't live with them.

CherryChoc Mon 06-Jul-09 09:40:25

shock No, refusing a lift wouldn't be unreasonable as a punishment - in fact way too lenient in my book! I expect she is scared of his reaction of she told him she couldn't give him a lift/lend him money/do his laundry etc

Seriously, I am a long way off this (DS only 9 months!) but if sibling rivalry ever got this bad I'd be tempted to contact the police.

ninedragons Mon 06-Jul-09 09:49:44

Refusing a lift? I'd ground him until he was 35. His behaviour is disgusting, and your sister needs to address it now. He's not heading towards great catch status, is he? People like this face a long and lonely life because the rest of us in the real world shun bullies.

katiestar Mon 06-Jul-09 10:04:24

YANBU
But they are all adults ,you have to leave them too it.

PlasticQueen Mon 06-Jul-09 10:08:37

My siblings and I probably behaved like this with each other until we were embarassingly old. I certainly remember kicking my elder brother at about 18 after he teased me about something.

I wouldn't have been given a lift though.

duchesse Mon 06-Jul-09 10:12:05

He sounds like a moron. I would be a lot harsher on him than your sister. And yes, I think many teenage boys are like if they're allowed to be. Mine (nearly 16) tries it on all the time.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Mon 06-Jul-09 10:16:06

Message withdrawn

LovingTheRain Mon 06-Jul-09 11:23:43

I'm glad i'm not the only one who thinks it's not right.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion - it is the same family yes

I have thought about this, she often comes and stays with us. I'd be more than happy for her to come and live with us but we don't have the room for her to stay for long periods as she has to sleep in the living room. I know she desperatly wants her own house and is saving but she's a student so won't get any big sums of money till next year when she's in full time work.

MummyDragon Mon 06-Jul-09 13:20:10

YAdefinitelyNBU - is there any particular reason why your sister won't stand up to her own child?

LovingTheRain Mon 06-Jul-09 14:59:33

MummyDragon - i think she can't see it (or chooses not to!)
She said that her DD provokes him. For example when her DD told one of his friends on the phone he was meeting up with a different friend, he punched her She didn't know she wasn't allowed to mention this 'secret' friend. Apparently that was her DD 'provoking' her DS. Her DD has told me of lots of other occasions e.g. if she doesn't give him the tv remote he will hit her etc etc.angry

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