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to want to keep away from my friends now that dh has been made redundant?

(14 Posts)
emkana Sun 05-Jul-09 23:36:31

I just can't stand it when people show me sympathy. Ideally I would like to completely hide away. I appreciate them making the effort to show they care, but I just want to hide in my cave. shock

I find it especially hard because there have been so many promotions amongst my friends and friends' dh's recently. blush

Clary Sun 05-Jul-09 23:44:31

So sorry about this emkana.

My DH was made redundant this summer too. Lots of people ask me how he's doing (code for "has he got a job yet") and I agree it's hard to know how to answer.

Don't worry, it could be the start of something new for you both.

pickyvic Sun 05-Jul-09 23:44:53

awww dont do that. just be honest with them, you may find you need your pals. tell them your finding it very hard to be gracious about everyones good fortunes while your struggling - if they are good friends they would understand. hope your DH finds work soon. x

knockedgymnast Sun 05-Jul-09 23:47:59

That's a natural reaction to have. I imagine that you don't want to feel 'patronised' even though that is not their intention or made to feel embarrassed because of circumstances beyond your control.

At least you know they care smile It must be a pretty hard time for you both at the moment, but surely you'd feel better safe in the knowledge that they truly cared as opposed to them doing the disappearing act on you?? grin

YANBU to feel like this but perhaps you are being a little bit U in wanting to dismiss them!!

Good friends will be there to help you in times like this, embrace it!! smile

trixymalixy Sun 05-Jul-09 23:49:15

I can totally empathise, i was made redundant recently and I really didn't want to talk about it at all with any of my friends apart from my friends from work who were also made redundant.

The feeling does pass eventually.

Earlybird Mon 06-Jul-09 02:28:54

Must be extremely hard.

How does your dh feel? Is he the same at wanting to 'stay in his cave'?

Mimsy2000 Mon 06-Jul-09 04:16:25

yanbu

totally understand - i reckon real friends will too

(not to mention the amount of money you can spend on a night out)

don't feel bad - if you wanna hide in a cave for a bit it's your right.

passionfruity Mon 06-Jul-09 16:44:49

If you want to 'keep up appearances' with people who are acquaintances rather than true friends, maybe say that he's doing really well and is enjoying spending more time with the family and got a decent redundancy pay-out so wants to wait for the right job rather than taking the first one he's offered.

But your true friends will be there for you if you admit your worries etc or simply tell them you'd prefer not to talk about it.

stillstanding Mon 06-Jul-09 16:49:31

Not unreasonable at all. I totally understand this and would probably be exactly the same. So just do what feels right for you and DH now. The only thing I would say is that you should be a little careful about isolating yourself too much as you may find that even more demoralising.

belgo Mon 06-Jul-09 16:55:17

If you hide yourself away, they are only going to worry about you more and show you more sympathy.

My advice is just to get on with life as normal, and when they ask 'how's the job hunt going' which they will ask you several times daily if my experience is anything to go by hmm, just say 'oh fine, I'll let you know when something comes up'.

And don't dwell on the promotions that your friends are having. The chances are, they will have some bad luck too at some point, and you and your family will have some good luck.

pasturesnew Mon 06-Jul-09 16:57:52

YANBU, YAB miserable and understandably so. Let your close friends know how you are feeling so they can support you emotionally and maybe keep fairweather friends further away if it's too much hassle.

Belgo's last point is v true, they might be doing well at work but that doesn't mean they'll have no problems in life, e.g. ill parents, trouble conceiving, stressful jobs they don't like much, etc.

Lizzylou Mon 06-Jul-09 16:58:20

Completely understand why you'd want to retreat into your cave, but it isn't anything to feel ashamed/embarrassed about, so many people are going through the same thing (even if your friend's are not).
They are your mates, they'll want to be there for you.

Sorry that this has happened.

cupofteaplease Mon 06-Jul-09 17:06:34

We're going through the exact same thing. I feel almost embarrassed to talk to people. I can't stand the head-cocked-to-one-side 'aww' , or the head-bob (Friends fans will understand wink)

forehead Mon 06-Jul-09 17:29:06

Emkana, don't worry as others have said, many people are going through the same thing. Don't get hung up on what friends are doing, your own time will come. You may find that in the long run ,being made redundant may be a good thing. Your dh can use this time to focus on other things he may want to do in life. Sometimes the worst experiences can be a blessing in disguise.

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