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AIBU?

just feel really depressed

20 replies

susia · 05/07/2009 20:30

have posted this in relationships too...

Today was my son's 6th birthday party. It was in a soft play place and I was totally stressed out about it I don't know why.

Firstly, I had a friend's son staying over the night before. He is really rude and bad mannered and they stayed up till about 10 pm chatting, then were up at 6.30am so that didn't help.

Then my oldest friend who is my son's godmother had asked whether she could leave her son. I had hoped she would stay and help as I am on my own and only had my mum (plus one other parent I had asked to stay) to help wit 15 boys. She asked if she could drop her son at my house first but I couldn't take him as I already had my mum, my brother's son and my son's friend in the car. She then rang about 5 minutes before I left asking where the place was and I said it was on the invitation as I didn't know the address off by heart. When she arrived to pick her son up she grabbed him and said 'hurry up, we've got to go'. She was on her way back to another party where she had been during my son's party.

The parent who I had asked to help had got lost on the way to the party so was an hour late.

My mum stressed me out as she arrived so late that I was almost on my way out of the house despite me asking her to come early.

Finally my next door neighbours who I have been friends with for several years have all of a sudden become friends with other neighbours and see them all the time without inviting us. I have tried inviting them all over together but between us there are 7 kids under 6 and it is too much. So I feel really left out.

Just feeling miserable and in a totally bad mood.

OP posts:

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Kimi · 05/07/2009 20:34

No advice just sorry you are having a bad day

susia · 05/07/2009 20:36

is it me, or am I being paranoid?

OP posts:

woodlands35 · 05/07/2009 20:43

sending susia a tall glass of wine mmmmm

FairLadyRantALot · 05/07/2009 20:48

hmmm...my advice noooooooo big paries, because they are a mare...but, I suppose you know that by now, having learned the hard way...as we all do...

I think it was all more a matter of bad co-incidences....for today's party that is...

as for your neighbours....if so many under 6 is to much...just keep your friendship up with the original couple ....just because they become close does not need to mean that you should all be great friends and it neither needs to mean that your original friends/neighbours won't want to be friends with you....

Daisybim · 05/07/2009 20:50

Hi

I really empathise with all of this. My "children" are now 24 and 16 but looking back, by far and away the most stressful and scary aspects of parenting for me were children's parties. I would agonise about them beforehand and be completely freaked out by them until they were over. Eventually, I stopped doing them and no-one minded: I found other ways of giving them a good day.

Don't be hard on yourself: you had high expectations, were let down by others and you now feel frightful - quite understandable!

susia · 05/07/2009 20:51

I feel the same about big parties but all his friends invited him so I felt I would be alienating my son by not inviting them back.

Next year it is 4 friends round at ours and I'm not inviting my friend's son (who is actually his closest friend) if she can't be bothered to stay at her godson's party.

OP posts:

andirobo · 05/07/2009 20:55

Sends a large bar of choccie and a hug!!

monkeyfacegrace · 05/07/2009 20:55

But overall how did the party go? Did they all have a good time? I think you should be crowned mother of the year, 15 boys to yourself, wow!

corriefan · 05/07/2009 21:00

I can totally understand how upset you are but I would have it out with your friend instead of using the kids as ammunition- it's not their fault.

Starbear · 05/07/2009 21:01

Susia, My son's bf mum has asked me now to help in at her son's party for Sept! There is no way I'm going to let her down. Pls ask way before the day and be specific. But I do feel for you, at work my team are all work on the same project because, I'm part-time I can't join in. They have become closer & I feel left out. On the other hand I never seem to see all the friends, I want to, often enough, others I see every week. Some friends seem to be up to the same things at the same time, e.g ds gymnastic class, nursery fair, Dragon boat racing other are away on those days. We also make plans to meet again when we are at these events it just happens!

katiestar · 05/07/2009 21:01

Well I think it is a poor show that out of 15 parents dropping their boys off not one asked you if they needed any help when they saw you on your own.
Why not invite the 2 sets of neighbours seperately now that you've broken the ice.It might seem a lot of little one now but in a couple of years it will be fab for playing football,rounders ,hide & seek etc.
I think you are feeling low because you are worn out after a stressful day.Tomorrow will be different !

Rollergirl1 · 05/07/2009 21:02

You are not being paranoid. I think everything conspired against you and you didn't get the support that had been originally offered.

I get a bit stressy about the kiddies parties too. And it's silly as i don't think anybody really judges, certainly not the children. Try not to worry yourself. As Daisy said it's more the high expectations you have of yourself then anything else.

As for the neighbours, i guess it depends how close you are but could you not say something to them about how you feel a bit left out?

susia · 05/07/2009 21:06

rollergirl - how can I say that though? it sounds really needy and they should be able to have friends over without inviting me every time shouldn't they?!

OP posts:

Rollergirl1 · 05/07/2009 21:27

Yes of course they should. Are you seeing less of your next door neighbours as a result of them striking up a relationship with the new people? If so i think you could just express that you feel like you're not seeing as much of each other and you miss it. I don't think that sounds needy, just honest. If you're seeing just as much of them but just know about the other friendship that you're just not a part of, i think you just need to accept it. People are different and get different things from different people. It doesn't necessarily impact badly on you. What are the ages of all your children? Perhaps your next door neighbours child has more in common with one of the other neighbours children?

Kimi · 05/07/2009 21:28

I think it is really bad no parents stopped to help you.
DS2 has sent out 50 birthday party invites, but there will be me, DH1 my DP my mum, my sister her boyfriend and two other mothers on hand to help.

Starbear · 05/07/2009 22:03

50!

ConnieComplaint · 05/07/2009 22:10

Kimi 50!! Not even shocked at the amount of kids...but you do know all 50 of them are going to be bringing your child a gift??

I wouldn't know where to store 50 gifts!!!

I always have a joint party for dd & ds as there are only 3 days difference in their birthdays. The most children I have ever had there have been 19! and that included cousins! I have also had 5 adult helpers I have 4 sisters who always stay & dh plays footie with the kids

Kimi · 06/07/2009 07:51

Most will bring a gift yes, He is having a disco and inviting the whole class + friends from cubs + friends from out side school and cubs.

Its only for 2 hours.

Starbear · 06/07/2009 08:06

kimi you are such a lovely mummy. Might start saving for Ds's party. I always love celebrating that fact he was born. He is such a lovely boy. Planning on helping with cubs when he is old enough!

Kimi · 06/07/2009 08:16

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