to be annoyed with my SIL?

[DeFluffMyFanjo]

Background. I have a dd aged 4, my brother and sil have a ds aged 4 and a dd aged 18 months. My DP and I have been together nearly 4 years (my dd is my ExHs).

We usually get on quite well, probably see them about 8 times a year as they live 200 miles away. My sil is a SAHM and my DB works very long hours. They have a gorgeous house and lots of holidays etc and are what I'd call well off (this is only relevant because I dont want to AIBU by stealth).

Family party yesterday. My sil suddenly exclaims 'Is (dd) wearing MAKE UP???!!!' I said 'yeah shes been playing with her eyeshadow again', SIL says (about 5 times at top of voice) 'You LET HER HAVE MAKE UP??!!' This went on and I tried to explain that she has some 'play make up', ie I've bought her lipsticks and eyeshadow in childish colours ie blues, greens, bright pink etc and she plays with them at home. She usually smears them all over her face and has great fun. I wouldnt like it if she had 'real' make up and wanted to apply it properly but this type and always looking like a clown I dont mind at all.

SIL says 'You let her have make up and WEAR IT OUT OF THE HOUSE??!' I said, well its a family party, shes not usually allowed to wear it out. So she said 'Where will she wear it to next the nightclub? She'll be pregnant at 12!'

I was pretty annoyed at this. Am I unreasonable to let my 4 (nearly 5) year old dd play with make up? Am I unreasonable for being annoyed at SIL?

Later on we were talking about my pregnancy and SIL asked where new baby would sleep when born. I said 'In with us for 1st 6 months',

[hercules1]

Not unreasonable at all. My 5 year old dd has some sparkly stuff too and occasionally has nail varnish. COuldnt give a stuff if anyone thinks anything of it.

[DeFluffMyFanjo]

sorry pc posted it on its own!

anyway, she said to my DP 'Oh no, we only had dd in for 3 weeks, dont have in for 6 months!!' I said something about it reducing the rate of cot death and that I and H had done that with DD. She said 'And look what happened to your marriage!'

So, AIBU to be annoyed with her over these comments? These are just two of the many. THe reason I mentiomed the SAHM thing and the money is because sometimes I think she may be jealous because my DP is very hands on with my dd and my brother isnt. Also I think that shes jealous that I work and she doesnt, shes said she feels trapped at home.

Any thoughts?

[TheArmadillo]

Have you pointed out to her that she is being very rude?

YANBU she is being incrediably rude.

[racmac]

TBH i dont like the idea of make up on a little girl - not sure why though!

But at the end of the day shes your dd and i think her comments are a bit U but as you dont see them very often i would let them go over your head.

[llareggub]

Well, I think YANBU to be miffed by her response but just let it go. Life is too short and today too hot to get all worked up.

I prescribe a nice cool drink.

[shabster]

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that your DP is very 'hands on' with your DD - you can have all the money in the world and loads of possessions BUT you cant buy love and attention.

My two SIL's used to be like that with me and it used to upset me a lot. Me and DH had very little money but we adored our children and did everything as a family and it annoyed the two witches SIL's. Now, many years have passed and I tell them straight to their face if they are getting on my nerves

[DeFluffMyFanjo]

Thanks everyone.

It gets me down a bit because its constant sniping all the time with her. She can be lovely at times and I dont think she does it on purpose, shes one of those call a spade a godamn shovel type people!

It just gets annoying when its all the time. We'd taken some dolls over yesterday to the party for the kids to all play with and she was saying 'Your dd doesnt need that many dolls, why have you bought her so many??' then later she kept telling my DP how hard done by he was because I should be driving as Im pregnant so he could drink (I actually dont drive, have never taken my test!).

I get a bit passive aggressive back though, when she said dd was going to end up pregnant and that her dd would NEVER wear make up till she was 15, her dd then happened to have a tantrum over something else, a real screaming tantrum and I said 'I think make ups the least of your worries'

What should I say to let her know I dont appreciate her nasty comments but without being nasty back myself??

[DeFluffMyFanjo]

Shabster - think you're right. She thinks I'm lazy because DP waits on me hand and foot and is always playing with dd. My DB very rarely does stuff with the kids, I think he sees it as SIL's 'domain'. The thing is though my DP works shorter hours than me so it all works out, and we talk about jobs etc and discuss things to make sure shared evenly.

Think shes jealous then? Although they've had 4 holidays abroad this year so far, we haven't had one in 9 years, have a beautiful £1m house, gorgeous cars etc so it seems strange that she would be jealous but maybe its because hes such a good dad (step dad)?

[Morloth]

Don't bother, just turn her into a joke in your head. Take everything she says with this thought in mind. I do it with the crazier/meaner relatives it makes life a lot easier to think "ooookay then" and dismiss everything she says.

If you don't take her seriously she can't piss you off.

[shockers]

So if you let your dd wear fancy dress she will become a pirate at 16 or marry a beast? I think you should point out that play is widely considered to be a way of developing social skills... copying mummy is a time honoured part of imaginative play.
She sounds like a moron and I feel a bit sorry for her kids... and for her. There's nothing nicer than having a snuggly babe in your bed!

[Morloth]

I had sparkly make up when I was little (one those Barbie doll head things with the box of lipglosses/eyeshadows etc.) I didn't get pregnant until 27 and it is very very rare for me to wear any make up at all now.

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

Why not just smile and say "well, you do what you feel is best for your child and I'll do the same for mine."