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to be really cross with sil for sending dp a birthday card?

(12 Posts)
idranktheteaatwork Sat 04-Jul-09 09:51:42

Post has just plopped on the mat. In there is a card addressed to uncle idrank.
His birthday was well over a week ago.

The card is from his sister but on behalf of his nephew. His sister has written the card, dn is nearly 6 and can read and write and has written his own cards for the last couple of yrs.

I think she is being a devious cow tbh. Background is that dp's two sisters accused dbil of something really awful, (cannot give details on here, sorry). They then accused dp of threatening to kill them and dn.
We were all completely shocked and dp and his brother were absolutely gutted. They also wrote to their mother and basically told her they were cutting her out of their lives because she had told both of them that she didn't believe them.

The accusations were only levelled after one of the sisters wanted dbil to sign over his share of a house they both own to her without her actually buying him out. She had met a partner and wanted to move him in, moving my dbil out.
He refused as he has invested a lot of money into it and it's impossible for him to just walk away from that. (if he signed over his investment for nothing he would then be unable to buy himself somewhere else to live.)

The sisters went to a solicitor and wrote to both brothers stating their accusations and asserting that the police were involved. Both brothers went to the police, the police knew nothing about any of it, no statements or reports had ever been made.

A few weeks ago the sisters withdrew all accusations after an application to have the brother removed from his home was thrown out of court by the judge as it was "without any merit whatsoever".

It was one of the sisters birthday last Saturday, we sent nothing. Why would we, they put a nuclear bomb under the family and caused a massive amount of hurt.
Dbil has some mental health issues and is very fragile anyway, this has all made it much worse.

So today the card arrives, i feel it is the sister making some sort of point, ie you didn't bother with sisters birthday but look at me, i'm being a martyr type thing.
She has put a note in it saying she expects us to put "all of your misplaced anger" behind us "for the sake of your nephew". I am fucking livid. I sincerely doubt he knows she has sent this card and the note reads as if we are to blame for all of this.
My general thought is to simply keep up contact with dn as possible by writing to him, sending cards etc but to ignore his poisonous mum as much as is humanly possible.

If you made it through my ramblings well done.

cornsilk Sat 04-Jul-09 09:55:24

So she sent your dp a card and signed it from your dn?

idranktheteaatwork Sat 04-Jul-09 09:57:01

Yes, with a note inside from her. I think the card was a flimsy excuse to send the note if you see what i mean and make some sort of point about us not acknowledging the sisters birthday.

( i understand if you think i am a loony, i am aware i sound like one. grin)

Tortington Sat 04-Jul-09 09:58:09

thats a wicked thing to do - and it's really sad for me to hear how families can treat each other this way.

Katisha Sat 04-Jul-09 09:58:22

Well she is never going to come round to your point of view so I think the best policy would be to ignore it and try to rise above it.
Shred it, burn it , whatever, and don't reply.

cornsilk Sat 04-Jul-09 09:58:47

No I don't think you're a loony! It does sound as if she is using your dn's birthday as an excuse to make her point, which is out of order.

idranktheteaatwork Sat 04-Jul-09 10:05:25

It is awful isn't it custardo. They used to be really close as a family.

Am happy to hear i am not a loony though. grin

Yes, i have decided we shall "ignore and remove" re the card.

I feel awful for dp though, we used to have dn to stay with us at least a couple of times a month, we haven't seen him since Christmas, sil won't let us see him unless she is there as well. UNfortunately, at the moment that's just not possible.

Silver1 Sat 04-Jul-09 10:11:10

I think parental alienation is a terrible terrible thing to do. So your SIL in my eyes is a terrible person for doing it.
Therefore it follows that I think you can be as unreasonable as you like and she'll deserve it.
As you say just keep up with your nephew so he can get some balance as to what is normal behaviour. Which means I am afraid that you can't tell her to shove it, but you can blank her and act as if you never received anything.

Pan Sat 04-Jul-09 10:11:10

Soar gracefully above it if you can. And not to repsond if you are ever tempted to. Which I am sure you aren't because you are too grown up to.smile

Kimi Sat 04-Jul-09 10:19:46

Drop card in bin, or rip in half stick in envelope and return.

She sounds a right nut case,

StayFrosty Sat 04-Jul-09 17:20:54

They made false accusations against their own brother which are too horrible to mentioin on here?

They claimed your dp had threatened to kill his nephew?

They lied about reporting it to the police?

They cut their own mother out of their lives because she didn't go along with it?

And now they are talking about other people's 'misplaced anger'?

shock

Fucking hell.

They sound absolutely poisonous and you are right to never ever touch them with a bargepole again. Your poor nephew sad

booyhoo Sat 04-Jul-09 17:37:18

i am so sorry to hear you have been through this.

my cousins DH was recently accused of horrendous things by his sister. she has alot of issues and regularly creates her own mini drama to stir up a bit of excitement. unfortunately for cousin and DH she decided he was going to star in it. it tore his family apart, his parents didnt know what to believe or do. ss had to speak to his children to make sure they were safe living with him. the childrens school was brought into it aswell. it really was a living nightmare for them. they no longer speak to the sister. so i absolutely dont blame you for never wanting to see her again. i feel for your DN greatly. poor child.

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