In thinking that I can provide material for all your judging needs..

[retiredgoth2]

....look no further!

We here at Goth Towers will provide all the material you need.

Here are a few greatest hits;

Helmets The twin urchins (8) cycle a mile to school daily along path and cycle track sans said devices. Not because I have read and digested all the research on the matter, and come to a reasoned conclusion, but because I cannot be arsed with the argument any more.

Trampolines We have a large trampoline. It has no net I have also elected to largely ignore the safety advice that came with the trampoline, that may be reduced to this precis: (1) stand, alone, on 'x' in centre. (2) only do so if you are an adult (3) only do this if you are an exceptionally light adult (4) For fucks sake don't bounce.

Lack Of Adult Supervision I frequently leave the larger urchins (10 and 12) unaccompanied for up to an hour. Not to do so would make simple things very difficult indeed. Sometimes I will leave all four when the younger two are abed for essential trips to the local emporium. Such as the essential trip earlier to buy the wine that is fuelling this post.

(it may further interest the Health and Safety freaks to learn that I am an A and E Charge Nurse. So I should know better)

...there are many, many more that would garner opprobrium here. I've left out the best stuff.

Why this post? I was just remembering a family holiday in 2006, a Eurocamp in Brittany. I recall the feral urchin befriending two boys of similar age, who were there with their Dad (their Mum had recently died). They were perfectly pleasant boys, but Mrs Goth and I were shocked at the astonishing amount of latitude they were given. They were going to Eurodisney afterwards....

To my eternal shame, I recall uttering the words 'life insurance cash being spent, methinks'. I wasn't to know that Mrs Goth would snuff it 6 weeks later, but am still paying penance.....

[random]

lol .I could keep MN judging for months

[EdwardBitMe]

Ahh Mr Goth, your turn of phrase does bring a smile to my face.
And as such I shall refuse to judge you.

[Alestorm]

I do heart you MrG. You make me smile every time you post!

I suspect i would probably make MN judge all the time. In fact, my friend told me that a friend of hers had seen me in town and i "didn't look like I was coping very well at all." ( this may have been the time I was dragging ds out of Waterstones by the arm)

Yeah. Fuck you. And the horse you rode in on!

[mrsboogie]

haha too funny.

err.. except the bit about Mrs Goth.

[retiredgoth2]

....oh, and I let the twins take their DS Lites to bed, and then wonder why they don't immediately go to sleep on a blazingly sunny evening at 7.30.

The reason for this choice? See Helmets in the OP....

[Alestorm]

PS - I frequently leave ds (2) unsupervised in the garden. He now refuses to play on his slide - I suspect that he may have had a tumble from it at some point, but actually, I have no fucking clue as half the time - I'm not watching!! Judge meeeeeeee!!

[Dalrymps]

[MadameDefarge]

to be honest, I think you are mollycoddling your dcs. My ds sleeps in the cellar and is fed a diet of old cat food and haribos. Its true I do accompany him to school, but let him walk past it on his own on the way to the factory. The foreman says he has the nimblest fingers ever!

[BitOfFun]

You should rightly be judged by all of MN. But you have the charm to get away with it < fecker >

[Alestorm]

Oh yeah - and ds also calls my cigarettes "Mama's peace and bog off," as when he sees me take a cigarette out, I say, "I want 5 minutes peace, now bog off!"

[cornsilk]

Can we send our children to Goth Towers? Is it a theme park?

[MadameDefarge]

Goth Towers, the darker, sister school to MN Towers, where Lord of the Flies is played to the nursery lot as part of the SEAL agenda.

[retiredgoth2]

...it is indeed a theme park, Cornsilk!

The latest ride is known as "clearing the shit out of the garage'.

All children who join in will get first dibs at working in the sweatshop I have long envisaged establishing there, making ludicrously cheap clothing for George at CHAVSDA....

[cornsilk]

Is there a discount code for MNers?

[MadameDefarge]

well, I would consider expanding your business empire and think about the Goth Towers School Route. It could all be very Summerhill, and by, ah,empowering the children to make their own decisions, you need never get involved!

[Boobalina]

LOL at Chavsda

[retiredgoth2]

....Lord Of The Flies, there is a good idea.



You seem to have an uncanny knowledge of things here at Goth Towers, Madame Defarge.

The twin urchins, for example, spent a portion of this evening watching Terry Gilliam's Brazil......

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Goth, can I sign ds1 up for a weeks trial? he is 10 and quite strong so can lift n carry oh but he does like to argue

[TrinityRhino]

I could get your judging pants shaking

for weeks

fruit shoots
sweets
too much telly
lack of bathing
shouting
swearing (me, not them)
I smoke and drink
I co sleep and still bf in the night my 2.3 year old
I have no paint, felt tips in the house
but my kids are sociable, friendly, polite, clever, achieving kids who I love more than anything

judge away

I do judge people quietly
we all do

[Alestorm]

MrG - i'm sure you've been asked this before, but are you retired, and a goth, or retired from being a goth?

[BitOfFun]

Do people judge about breastfeeding and co-sleeping here? I thought it was banned to do it out loud?

[retiredgoth2]

....I shall consider all applications for sweatshop work on merit. Previous experience sewing Nike trainers in Mumbai an advantage.

...Alestorm, I am retired from Gothdom since about 1986. Sadly, the NHS pension scheme, though generous, fails to recognise this in its munificence...

[Alestorm]

Bastards.

I was 4 in 1986. Used to live round the corner from Alan Moore and hang out with Pete Murphy's nephew though - does that make me a goth?

I got called an Emu the other day - whatever one of those is! The mind boggles, I must say...