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to want DH to come home early from a stag do?

(26 Posts)
wonderingwondering Fri 03-Jul-09 22:29:39

Stag do is tomorrow, all day and evening, he will be home early hours of Sunday morning. DH is currently still at work and will be for several hours yet, has worked from 7am until past midnight every night for the past month, and he also worked Father's Day weekend so I was left on my own with the children, then, too. I am so fed up with it, and sick of having the children all day on my own then sitting in all night with no-one to talk to.

Is it unreasonable to ask that he drive to the stag do (starting in the morning) and come home early evening? It is his sister's fiance's do.

I suspect I am being unreasonable but I am so hacked off with doing it all on my own.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Fri 03-Jul-09 22:49:29

YABU but I can see why.

He needs some time to himself outside of work but you need some you time too.

Why is he having to work such excessive hours? Can he not finish at a more reasonable time and get home intime to give you a hand with the kids and let you have a night out now and again too?

hertsnessex Fri 03-Jul-09 22:50:43

same as iwish from me xx

wonderingwondering Fri 03-Jul-09 22:53:12

The hours should be easing up soon, but it has been a long stretch, and I am shattered (a bit anaemic, too). So completely fed up. And practically every weekend we have some wedding, anniversary or other unavoidable celebration that we have to be at for one or other of the days, so I just feel pulled all over the place. That sounds really grouchy, doesn't it!

But thanks for saying you can at least see my point of view. I know he needs to go, but I do feel that no-one really gives me a thought.

trixymalixy Fri 03-Jul-09 23:12:35

I can understand why you are pi**ed off as it is knackering not getting a break.

I do think YABU to ask him to come early from the stag do though as it is a one off special ocassion.

MissSunny Fri 03-Jul-09 23:14:21

Message withdrawn

wonderingwondering Fri 03-Jul-09 23:28:39

It is our future brother-in-law (his sister's fiance). So he will have to go. I know I'm BU, it is an important day (in so far as you believe in stag/hen do's, but that's another thread...).

MissSunny Sat 04-Jul-09 00:41:40

Message withdrawn

SolidGoldBrass Sat 04-Jul-09 00:46:09

You have got to sort out a way of getting time to enjoy yourself. Can you trade babysitting favours with a friend or ask a relative to help out now and again? Or is there enough money to pay a babysitter sometimes?

Bigpants1 Sat 04-Jul-09 01:08:43

If the stag-do is on all day and night, then YANBU in asking him to come home early. He will still have had an enjoyable day,and some well-earned time off work.
He needs reminding perhaps, that he has a dw and dc at home,and you need him too. With working these hrs, he has probably not hardly seen the dc and Im sure they are missing their daddy-or are they used to it?How old are they?
Some would say,that in the current climate, you should be glad your dh has ajob, and Im sure you are, but it is important to have a balanced work/home life, or whats the point in having a family?
Yes, you could perhaps have a night out yourself,but, from past experience, I know that is not the same,when all you want to do, is spend time with your partner-even if its just infront of the tv.
Please try and speak to your dh and tell him how you feel,and that you have needs too, that are currently not being met. Look after yourself.

Kazzi79 Sat 04-Jul-09 18:15:37

I think you're being totally unreasonable, its a one off event, how do you think single parents cope having to do everything alone all the time? We don't have the luxury of someone to come and lighten the load we just get on with it. Maybe you should also concentrate on building up your own social life so you get some time off too, you go out with friends and he can spend some time with his children. No one has the right to tell someone else what they can and can't do in any relationship.

This is an issue I have with a friend at the moment, I've had to deal with some horrendous things happen to me and try and keep myself sane for the childrens sake and had to deal with it all alone, I would have given anything for a cuddle off someone even if it meant waiting for a partner to return from work or a stag do, but I didnt have that luxury. It annoys me that my friend cried when someone else upset her over something petty and she went mad at her bf for daring to go on a planned night out when she was crying. I think too many people concentrate on what they havent got when they should just be grateful for what they have got.

Leave him to enjoy his stag do, he doesnt need your permission and likewise you dont need his.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 04-Jul-09 18:34:10


the poor bloke has been working his nuts off the past month to previde for you and your children and NOT going out all hours on the piss, unlike some dh

he gets a chance to go out and let his hair down and you complain!!

let him go,and i assume you will be going to the hen do?

yes you do need to go out, so agree that trading/swapping babysitting duties or get a babysitter and go out with a friend

Noonki Sat 04-Jul-09 18:38:53

YABU - if he comes home you will have a shit night of him feeling resentful, you moaning had how hard you've had it. Hardly as if he's been living it up is it.

As said go organise a night for you both asap and enjoy it.

And see if you can organise a night away with some friends so you get a bit of free time (we went camping it was cheap and a laugh, and =oh so easy without the kids!)

TrinityRhino Sat 04-Jul-09 18:47:33

if he has been working that hard he also needs the break
you dont want him to resent having to come home
will make things worse

wonderingwondering Sat 04-Jul-09 19:47:19

I know, it is unreasonable of me, it is a one-off event. It is just the culmination of a long, long time of being on my own and having to do everything.

I do sympathise with single parents - I admire anyone who can get on with the children and deal with a break-up - that isn't really my point: the fact is that I am married, and it is supposed to be a partnership. And last night I felt very fed up with the long hours, lack of company, lack of emotional and physical support (two young children involves a lot of hoicking about!), stress from his job and worry for his well-being, given the work situation. So I did think about whether I ought to ask him to leave the stag do early.

As it was, he offered to come back after the day bit, so we could spend the evening together. But I said no. So not such an old whinge bag, perhaps wink !

And I'd love to be able to go out more, but our children are very young and we can't leave them with a babysitter other than family, who are too far away or not well enough to pop over so I can go out for an hour.

And as for him being the breadwinner - until we had children, I was the major earner. He has now overtaken where I was, and I work part-time, through choice, really. So I am lucky. But that, again, is the partnership point. I compromised my career for our family, he works hard and I support him. But there are limits, and last night, I reached mine.

But anyway. I shall be mumsnetting, again, tonight. And tomorrow he's on nappy duty!

wonderingwondering Sat 04-Jul-09 19:48:29

And Noonki, I have booked us a weekend away for next weekend, and the Blackberry will be left at home!

monkeyfacegrace Sat 04-Jul-09 19:51:01

Just a thought, maybe he would like it if you asked him to come home? My other half is a soppy git, and if he goes to anything like this he sits by his phone hoping I will call and ask him to come back! Says it makes him feel 'needed'. So you never know, he might like it.....

wonderingwondering Sat 04-Jul-09 19:54:59

Nahh, monkeyface, I sent him off with a big kiss this morning.

He knows he's needed alright, and he does feel bad about the hours he's having to work. We're OK, as I said, we're away next weekend so will be able to put our feet up together.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 04-Jul-09 21:53:13

why can you not leave your children with babysitters?

i know at first you wont know them, but advertise and meet a few, and find one you like

there are often nannys advertising on netmums who want to babysit - maybe look in your area and see if any about

obv checks ref and make sure they are crb checked and have first aid

fucksticks Sat 04-Jul-09 21:55:44

You did the right thing sending him off with a smile and a kiss but I can TOTALLY see where you are coming from not wanting him to go.
Yes, he is working really hard and needs a break etc etc BUT he can spare some time for a stag do when he cant spare ANY time at all in the last month to give you a tiny break.

Glad you are getting away together next weekend. Maybe while you are away you could have a chat about how you desperately need just one evening to yourself soon and see if that helps things feel a little more even?

wonderingwondering Sat 04-Jul-09 23:29:11

Yes, we have discussed it. He's always worked late - that's the job - but I did have one evening a week when he'd come home and work at home so I could go out. That helped keep things on a more even keel. And he'd usually get home reasonably early - 7/7.30ish - on a Friday.

But that has gone out of the window over the last few months. But it will be reinstated soon, I've pretty much got to the end of my tether. He does see where I'm coming from. Thankfully.

Thanks for all the comments, at least I got a bit of it off my chest!

zipzap Sat 04-Jul-09 23:40:43

OK so too late for this now but...

depending on what the stag do was and the activities were during the day and evening, you could have asked him to stay at home during the day and join the stag do later, that way he would have had some time with you and the kids and he would have had some evening piss up time at the stag do.

MissSunny Sat 04-Jul-09 23:49:59

Message withdrawn

wonderingwondering Sat 04-Jul-09 23:52:57

I want a life with my husband, not a night out with my mates. And babysitters don't help with that if he's still in the office at midnight!

MissSunny Sat 04-Jul-09 23:56:04

Message withdrawn

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